i duno how i should feel.

and i duno why but my heart just sank.

and, gonna have bf wid mum tmr ! :D

藏在心底的话并不是故意要去隐瞒，只是并不是所有的疼痛都可以呐喊

sometimes, the only way to hide the pain is to smile on. :)

the haze seems much beta now :D:D:D

Chanced upon some pics in fb. dere are more actually, but too tired to see :X

HAHA.

Here are some of the pics :D

Just in case u duno wad the last pic means,

look at the background (behind the policemen).

It shows some robbers who have just robbed the bank :x

talking to garfield abt frens can make me recall a lot of things

of how frens can leave u when u needed someone the most.

my phobia is acting up agn.

and my head, hurts agn :(

and the things u said, are getting weirder and weirder agn x.x

and, read a mini post in yahoo regarding Mas Selamat.

It's been a question mark to how he managed to escape, uncaught for more than a yr.

LOL. i agree to wad the post said.

it's like showing how the security heven been tight enough.

but at least, improvements have been made, since.

i've always thought that spore would be super super safe, but facts showed that it ain't.

no place is that safe, true.

:)

and the haze seemed loads beta now :D

heven had mac meals for more than a yr,

but wid the exception of "koping" food from frens :x

luckily i stopped consuming.

cos, the food (including burgers and fries), wun decompose for at least 6 mths.

maybe loads more yrs :x

and luckily i didnt keep eating mac

if not, i think the burger that i've eaten like 2 yrs ago might still be inside my stomach. HAHA

i'm so confused.

should i believe?

last time, i sure will.

but now, i cnt help it, but kept doubting

it's like, u told me "A" last time.

and now, u told me "B" and wanna me to believe that it's B.

that's wad u told me ytd.

but i saw the msg today.

it totally spoil my mood.

so i shouldn't say u're the only one who is capable of making me hot tempered.

it's u're the one who can make me have soooo many mixed feelings.

other ppl too actually.

and, u still can say it's a misunderstanding :/

i rmb wad ppl say okay.

so if the words are hurting, i can feel hurt for long.

i dun wanna think so much, but i cnt.

i wanna forget, but i cnt.

i tried telling myself that i dun need anyone, but i'm so wrong.

i tried telling myself that i'm strong, but i'm wrong too.

but, no matter how much i feel sad over things, things are still the same.

things are no longer the same.

ppl who were once dere, were no longer ard.

i can only embrace myself and continue bluffing myself that i can do it.

but one thing for sure is, i'll continue to try to cheer up and smile in face of sadness.

right now, i have projects to fret over.

more and more and more to come

things happened to show me that i'm not as strong as i think i am.

and btw, congrats season. HAHA (Y)

who am i trying to kid?

i duno why, i duno how.

i just wanna laugh those things that had been bugging inside me, off.

but, i duno wad's bugging me either.

i noe a few, but dere's a few more, unknown.

must be optimistic.

must smile in face of sadness.

must laugh it off and find solutions.

must jiayou.

a blessing in disguise?

i'm not those kind of ppl who would think wad i wanna do or be, 10 yrs l8r.

mine is those aspirations in the near future :x

for this sem, i wanna do my rly best for my modules to achieve a high gpa.

wanna, pull up my cumu gpa.

(last sem didnt pull up much :/)

and, wanna do well for fyp.

(wanna score an 'A'- hopefully)

when i grad, i wanna learn driving (:

i noe it's slow cos everyone's strted theory test except me.

but well, i wanna focus one thing at a time.

and well, i wanna tk up a part time job too.

wanna earn money cos i dun want mum to work ):

hopefully these can be fulfilled.

will try my best though :D

and well, for other things,

they're not to be blogged here (:

cos my blog is alr v emo HAHA.

:/

good. i'm feeling beta alr ((:

i needed a hug badly recently.

and mum just hugged me xD

HAHA. i think great minds think alike rte? :P

my "talk to me or u'll die" feeling is gone.

LOLOL

i think it must be cos of fyp that stressed me up so much and from

s...

LOL.

but nvm, at least i'm trying to be beta now.

i'm so tired of being emo.

though, sometimes i rly cnt help it.

and maybe a break makes me beta?

at least, now my fb is not being spammed :/

but well, one thing for certain is,

i dun keep thinking abt bad pts of ppl alr.

except for maybe one, or two bad pts?

spinnovex results is out.

and, dere are quite a few things which i wanna say.

but dun think it's best to be said here.

maybe..

i wanted to say sth.

but think it's beta, not to

i duno why but i feel hurt when i saw the emails

Time really passes v fast.

it still seem as though i just gotten my results ytd.

the feeling seems to be still vivid in my mind.

was looking at some sec sch frens' pic just now.

and , recalled a lot of things.

those bad ones of cause.

cos dere's nth nice to reminisce.

It's just like living in nightmare for 2 yrs.

and it still seems horrifying now.

The barrier in my heart.

And, tdy, i went to fren's house for project.

in the end, everyone's late.

received a call and strted to ponder over wad courses that i shld tk.

anw, sch is strting tmr.

well, my fears are here agn.

and i'm sure, i'm the only one in the class wid this fear.

i was thinking that if i were to rly enter uni (provided that i can :/),

i will try to not let such things happen agn.

but i doubt i can succeed.

cos of xxxxxx :/

nvm. jiayou :)

I'm still trying to be happy.

trying... trying trying ...

and dere's sth which i wanted to say e other time when i saw sth.

pls dun insult ppl's name -.-

i hate it.

hate it ttm.

cnt help it and dun wanna be like this.

but i rly cnt stop it.

but well, i'll persevere.

i rly hope that i'd stop waking up countless times while slping.

it's like 3 hours of slp, i can wk up for 5-6 times :/

sometimes, i'll have this "talk to me or u'll die" feeling.

but well, it's not totally true.

cos i dun scold nor kill ppl (like in fb :/)

LOL, speaking of that, u can try using the application

"top 10 person who wants to kill u"

and i'll be inside the list :x

LOL! how laughable ;x

serious. u can try. HAHAHA

tdy's mood is rly down.

lack of slp makes me a sad person ):

i seriously needs loads of slp.

i rly rly rly feel super shagged now.

I NEED SLP.

i'm exhausted D;

no time to rest this wk.

everyday, gng out.

nxt wk onwards too.

oh bother.

recently,

i kept feeling tired, hungry (super easily), super tired to go toilet (:/),

super hot all over (feels feverish but not sick), loads of dreams,

kept dreaming abt fyp and loads more D:

shit, i'm feeling bad agn.

nvm. time to sing

7 posts in a day.

androne, we can "fight" for the number of posts alr ((:

LOL.

still, i think that u're not alone.

like me, i noe i'm not alone.

but, no matter how many frens, or even close frens i have, i still feel super lonely

i feel super scared abt certain things.

i feel super paranoid.

and i feel sad. cos no matter how much i tried to persuade myself that my life is beta than last time,

i still feel that my life still sucks.

ppl like xxx can have ppl like xxx and ppl like xxx cnt have ppl like xxxx.

i'm sorry for spamming my feelings on blog.

LOL. but wait, it's my blog.

why should i apologise for spamming my feelings ;x

HAHAH. omg.

seriously, i rly felt beta aft saying my feelings out (:

when my mum told me to buy food for my bro aft i'm released from sch,

i felt like telling her "can you ask bro to buy my food instead?"

we both have sch, yes

i understand that u're gng to work and dun have time to buy food for us.

nvm, i dun need u to buy food for me.

if no food, at most i dun eat rite?

if not, i'll have early dinner at 12 during lunch break.

normally, it's bro buy food for sis.

now it's the opposite.

i'm not saying that i cnt buy food for him.

i dun mind buying IF I DUN HAVE SCH.

u noe, i'm feeling so tired everyday

ppl have hols for 4 wks.

and i have sch as usual, even longer than schooling time.

yes, i shouldn't say anymore.

yes, it's wad everyone shld go thru.

yes, i can do it.

yes, i noe

and i'm trying

it's not that i'm not trying.

so why cnt he buy his own food?

imagine me dragging my tired body, carrying my bag, my laptop bag.

and making one round to hawker centre to buy for him

where he can easily make a trip down to e foodcourt in his sch and grab sth to eat.

i noe your concern, he wun buy food to eat.

so do i.

wad i'm not happy now is,

i have to buy for him when i have to carry so many things and when my sch ended late

and when i'm so tired.

i dun mind buying but i rly cnt decipher why...

why?

i dun wanna be so sad/ stressed up or wadeva.

but i cnt, due to stress from fyp.

i've tried to curb my stress.

but, my grp mates were feeling vvv stressed up too.

i'm not like somebody who told me "we're aiming for dist. cos we have the ability to get distinction"

k, back to topic.

tdy, my fyp mates were all stressed up till one gal from my grp said

"i can feel the tension in the room"

everyone was like me,

feeling so helpless.

at times, i rly missed the moments when i was rly happy-go-lucky.

it's not that i dun have probs.

it's just that i chose to ignore.

but i cnt choose to ignore now.

as ppl grow up, their thinking changed.

so did mine.

i cnt afford to ignore.

well, blog is the only way for me to pour out my feelings (:

i do feel beta, yes.

but only to a certain extent.

and, i rly feel like a vampire tdy

LOLL.

all my feelings are so magnified :x

as usual, i dun feel like talking.

esp when i see smses from certain ppl.

i cnt control but BAD memories (if any from anyone)

just come to mind :x

HAHAH. sry ~ ;x

k la, i'm still trying to be happy.

but i think, it's only fyp that makes me have so much feelings overwhelming me .

other than that... maybe.

cos of .....*hmm*..... :x

HAHA.

kk la. fine.

i dun feel so emo aft saying out to my blog. thankkew:D

and LOL. i suddenly tot of sth while listening to "you belong wid me" now.

i played this song during fyp.

and as the song goes..

"she wear short skirt, i wear t-shirt",

my fren went "she wear short skirt, i wear long skirt"

and i went "she wear high heels, i wear short heels". LOL.

(Y)

thank you for letting me feel so stressed up,

adding up to the stress from fyp.

thank you for letting me feel so "pale" tdy

thank you for letting me have a chance to be stalked by my fyp mates.

thank you for giving my fyp mates have sth to laugh over tdy (which i think is funny too)

thank you for making me feel so tired.

thank you for everything -.-

you noe wad, sometimes i rly question myself to why i treat some ppl so differently from the others.

just like today.

in mrt, i was feeling so awful.

and den, flashback started.

and i felt so annoyed.

i rmb once, i said "ttyl" cos i was rly busy wid my work but you still kept replying to that sms

nvm.

worse still is that u copied me -.-

and said ttyl to me the nxt day.

Aft you said that, i didnt dare to reply u, for fear of disturbing u.

BUT U STILL CONTINUED TO SMS ME.

so, i replied rte?

and u said i'm disturbing u.

WTH -.-

den when i met you the nxt time,

i asked u "do you noe the meaning of ttyl?"

and u said "talk to you"

den i'm like "uh.. wad about 'l'?"

and u gave me one guilty or blur look -.-

and i went "it's talk to you l8r"

u asked me to attend a talk wid u tdy

i rly wanted to ignore ur sms.

but i felt bad.

and i rly recalled the other time where i asked u out for a talk.

you said "sorry. i'm gng wid my other frens"

i was sooooo disappointed wid you.

cos it's like hello?

we're gng to the same talk, at the same place. why cnt we go tgt!?!?!?

i told u abt this over the phone.

and the nxt day, you smsed me.

you said "let's go to the talk tgt. since we're gng to the same talk. why not go tgt?"

and do you noe that, when u said that, i totally went '-.-'

do you only noe how to say this aft i said it?

if i didnt ask u to the talk, wun u ask me to it?

and now, when u asked me abt it,

i duno how should i feel.

happy cos i didnt noe dere's such a talk and u informed me abt it?

or disappointed cos u only noe how to ask me to the talk now, and rather last time.

or sad till i felt like saying "sorry but i am gng tgt wid my frens" (though i've not rly asked anyone to go wid me)

and do you noe that, i felt so awful, so sad, so disappointed when u're like nicer to me now?

cos it's like, you're only so nice to me NOW?

wad abt last time?

yaya, i noe u'll gimme loads of lame excuses.

LAME SHIT -.-

tsskkkkk

and well, i was thinking abt sth too.

i asked you if you're entering spinnovex.

and i expected only a 'yes/no' for a reply.

in the end,

you said sth like "entering spinnovex wun ensure u an A. our project is gng green chemistry not into industralizing. spinnovex is for team whose project can be industralized one. dere's 3-4 interview to undertake. If not up to standard, grades will drop"

i just wanna noe if u intend or even gng to spinnovex.

u dun have to tell me one whole chunk of like "hmmm..." craps.

it just reminds me of that time when i asked you "when is our sch strting?"

(we were on e phone previously)

and you said "it's like nxt wk we start sch, den this wk....."

aft saying that, i immediately cut in and asked agn "when is our sch strting?"

and u asked "you duno wad i'm saying?"

-.-

told wy abt this and i agreed wid her.

"wad's the link?"

i duno why i kept harping over u.

but i think i do noe why aft all.

cos u're still clinging on to me -.-

i dun rly mind BUT, the way u're doing it is super tsk.

even my frens laughed at wad u said.

YES, WE ALL THINK THAT IT'S LAME -.-

IT'S SUPER WTH

DO YOU NOE HOW I FEEL TDY?

I FEEL LIKE DELETING MY FB.

and loads more unhappiness.

i feel like deleting that blog.

AND BTW, IT'S SO OBVIOUS.

ARE U DOING ALL THESE,

cos u dun understand gals?

cos u dun wanna try to think abt how i feel?

cos u duno wad i'm trying to imply?

cos u duno wad else to do?

cos u're trying to salvage things?

and.. i dun see that

"have a nice day ahead" can rly lemme have a nice day ahead -.-

thank you for saying it's lame, les.

COS I AGREE.

HAHAHA!

i dun want to "jiu chan bu qing" :/

currently in sch having fyp.

so tired.

but i can only do report :x heh.

and.. i'm so cold !

sch's strting soon

aft like 3 wks of hols which totally dun seem like holidays to me:(

but nvm.

must jy.

last sem alr.

jyjyjyjyjy

Ignore my post if u want.

i'm only saying how i feel.

i felt beta saying it to my blog, serious.

but b4 i continue posting, i wanna say, i'm not emoing (:

just having overwhelming feelings (:

..... ....... ....... ....... ........ ......... ............

i wanna clarify some things.

i DUN get irritated easily by ppl or things.

UNLESS they kept doing irritating things.

it's like, if u do sth annoying once or twice or even thrice,

i rly wun rmb anything much

though it might affect me or my mood.

i just let it past.

but if u kept doing it,

i'll rly get irritated easily by u.

even if u did a rly small irritating thing.

but, the bad memories of things will diminish soon, over the time.

still, still, dere's a limit to my patience.

sometimes, when i tot back.

i rly felt so stupid.

so stupid to let ppl make use of my blurness -.-

and letting ppl tk things for granted.

i always tend to give chances when ppl did sth bad for the first few timesssss

yes, i noe . I'm rly slow at knowing things

i'm rly slow at knowing ppl's character.

i only ppl certain ppl are weird.

but only aft like 7 mths, den i strt to only noe a certain ppl's character.

how sad rte? :(

but some ppl, i can see aft like a few mths (lesser than 7 mths i think)

ya, ya. i noe i'm slow.

and i'm slow at finding ppl irritating.

i can only strt to find ppl irritating aft like mths.

when they kept doing irritating things.

serious.

idk if it's a gd thing or a bad one.

even my fyp mate called me goondo.

yeah i noe i'm blur.

and i rly dislike ppl who tk things for granted.

when sth/ someone is dere,

u tk for granted and even flirt ard.

being irresponsible.

told some of my frens abt u and they dislike u.

but i didn't.

i only strted to feel turn off aft like a yr +++++

SLOW RTE?

YES I NOE.

but it dun matter.

i dun feel angry

i'm just.. sad abt how things turned out.

i'm rly happy tdy

had our interview tdy and my leader said the cost of our product will be 8k plus x.x

OMG.

gg alr. dun think we can get into the spinnovex.

and went out aft that.

i was so happy xD

cos it's like.. we all can relax for the day.

kept my happy mood till i saw sth ):

sighs.

but it's okay. i'm fine.

and happy bday vincent.

happy, happy bday.

happy.

happy happy.

:/

anw, dere's sth inside me that's not happy wid certain thingsssss

LOLOL, even my fren told me to get a bf.-.-

but i dun want

i dun want, dun want, dun want !!! ;x

a nice date, dun means things will be nice as well.

and a bad date dun means things will be bad :x

HAHA.

i love today.

it's so slack.

cos i can do my fyp slowly at home.

it's tmr !

hmm, just a small interview.

our design ain't that much done yet.

companies didnt get back to me ):

i need quotations !!

or could it be that they ignore my email cos i've sent them too many quotations :x

HAHA.

i want kboxkboxkbox xD xD xD

LOLOL

i played my songs while having fyp ytd and just sang.

cos i noe those songs.

and my fren was saying "this has becomes cher eng's kbox"

but they didnt pronounce properly and sounds like 'kpop'

so i went blur and said "kpop? nono. i'm listening to cpop."

den in the end, i realized that they were talking abt kbox ;x

singing is LOVE :D:D:D

things, always looks so much nicer on the surface (:

and i dun like it when ppl judge others b4 knowing them beta.

anw, me and sj are gonna be a vase tmr.

HAHAHA.

soooo.. jy hk. just TALK ;x

wayne will be dere to help. HAHA.

if it comes to components, i can help

so, tmr will be wearing formal wear agn.

so not gonna wear that shoe agn ;x

if not, i'll have to walk barefooted back home agn.

HAHHA

hmm, why are u still calling me that? :/

why are u still saying those things?

i've tried to ignore but things are still the same. oh wells.

anw. i'm so happy that i can kinda slp in late tmr.

and.. i wanna watch "vampire diaries"

hadn't been watching it for 2 wks.

so, it means i've missed out 2 eps :x

finally went in to check and indeed, 2 new eps are out :D

i can watch !!!

:D

wee. rly happy now.

anw.. sometimes, i just kinda laughed at ur sms.

cos the way u reply me is super funny.

cos it's like. u sms me 2 different smses.

since i was super busy recently, i check my smses vvv late.

so when i saw them, i replied the 2 answers tgt.

and my sms is super short.

which goes sth like "yep i noe. ooh. okok. thanks"

den you'll split my smses and reply me 2 different smses :x

funny actually ;x

and anw.

i think u only told waiyu the truth.

cos.. i truly doubt that u told ur frens the truth too.

-.-

and seriously, i rly dislike ppl who self praise.

if it's just a joke, it's fine.

but if it's like for interview and u need to self praise, it's fine too.

cos if u think u're " a beautiful package, full of humor, talent, intelligence and love",

ppl might not think the same way too.

just wadeva it is, i dun like ppl who self praise.

i'm soo impressed by wad u said.

my presence in my life has the greatest impact for me -.-

i'm super exhausted.

sooooo envious when i saw my fren comment that she's so free and nth to do for her fyp ):

cos it's like, i'm slogging my guts out for fyp and she's slacking like abc over dere ):

how i wish i were in her grp. so i can slack too?

but wait...nope. i'd still rather be in my current grp.

at least they're trying v hard to do their things.

i need a long long rest.

but i'm so prepared to end my fyp at 10 PM tmr.

yes. from 9.30 am.

or maybe.. 9 am.

super exhausted.

super shag.

monday's interview will be a kinda small one i guess. 10%

but... still, it's 10 marks.

kinda a high score too.

i wanna slp soon.

bt i cnt.

i needa do some housework too.

but, clothes are still vvvv wet. ):

i cnt do any.

went to slp at 8 ytd.

was super tired that i fell asleep the moment i close my eyes.

and yet, i had to be woken up at 10.30

to see 3 smses and 2 missed calls.

it's like..hey, if i see ur sms and weren't busy,

i'll SURE reply rte?

i didn't reply.

and dere'll be 2 possibility.

busy or asleep.

or maybe even.. didnt check hp.

although being busy has a higher possibility,

you cnt rule out the fact that i'm asleep.

i seriously.. seriously dun understand why u have to call me twice for sth so minor.

it's not like u have to get the answer NOW rite?

plus, no matter how busy i am, or even asleep,

i'd still see ur sms at the end of the day.

unless i saw ur sms and forget to reply, which is possible.

you can still sms me like during afternoon, the nxt day ):

kk fine. maybe i shouldn't even get annoyed for being woken up.

:/

but... i was rly feeling so irritated ytd.

tried to slp.. but cnt.

aft 30mins of tossing ard in bed.

i got up to walk ard the hse and went back to slp.

my mind was super active den.

before wking up, i didnt have a nice and calm slp, to be frank.

but when i was woken up,

my mind was full of grievance, those bad memories of u kept flashing past.

i felt so tired and rly felt like crying but i didnt.

it's like, the past is haunting aft me agn.

so i tried vvv hard to clear my mind and concentrate on slping

but aft 2 hrs, i still cnt slp.

):

and finally, i fell asleep at nearing one am.

what a night.

Sometimes, i'm rly confused.

super confused.

wheneva i see ur effort,

my mind just cnt stop thinking of how bad u were to me last time.

i seriously shouldn't give u chancesssss back den.

i duno why i were still so hopeful.

how silly.

:/

but well,

now when u rly did try..

i just felt that..

you did all these, just cos u felt it's a waste.

maybe, it's cos of other "romantic" reasons but..

i truly, seriously, really felt that..

was u're doing now,

are cos you felt that it's a waste to end things that way,

after 1 yr ++

and.. i'm constantly worrying that u'll shoot ur mouth off,

and saying things, that were so untrue.

so, so unreal.

i seriously cnt stand ur attitude of saying that i felt and even saying things

when i DIDNT.

it happened b4 and the things that u said, regarding wad i said and even feel,

are actually what YOU are feeling and saying.

it's super... "dots"

i noe, u have ur redeeming points too.

and i always, constantly tell myself abt e gd points you have.

but i always failed.

cos, wheneva i tried doing that,

you did sth negative.

sometimes, the reasons, or even excuses that u told me..

are SUPER SUPER CRAP.

i think i should call myself stupid..

to deceive myself into believing u.

though i noe, they are rly craps.

i'm truly very tired.

exhausted.

shagged.

and whatever pool of vocabulary that u can find

it's not once, not twice, not thrice.

it's not even four times. but at least 5 times i think :x

heh.

was irritated ytd nite.

but well, it's okay.

my mood is slowly picking up.

i have loads of things to do, to think abt :D

not gng to let this affect me agn.

JIAYOU :D

anw. i dun feel like talking.

i wanna go kbox :D:D:D

i wanna sing all out

sometimes, i just think

that it hurts to noe tht you tried to salvage when u didn't even cherish in the first place.

i hate myself.

dere's nth redeeming abt me.

i tried.

maybe not hard enough.

but at least, i'm trying.

kk apart from fyp.

i'm trying to become a beta daughter.

trying to curb. and i did :P

i felt so useless, worrying abt it.

stupid CATIA.

why didn't i have this module?

so at least, i can noe a lot more abt it and do sth to contribute.

right now, wad i can do, are those research, report, log book, quotations.

those minor things.

wad my frens do, are those designs.

i wanna help too.

even ideas, i cnt come up wid any.

i noe nuts abt engineering.

even simple ideas, simple thinking..

i oso duno.

i felt so guilty, but they duno.

i wanna help.

tried gng to youtube but cnt learn much too.

yes, at least i noe how to draw a box -.-"

and make holes.

but fyp ain't so easy like doin that.

u need loads more designs.

tssskkkkk.

sometimes i just wondered if i'm doin and speaking the right thing.

you have told and asked me umpteen times.

told you alr, I NOE.

I WILL TRY.

if can, den go. if cnt, den dun force it.

it's okay to repeat urself.

but u're doing it almost everyday :/

u'll see true frens in times of trouble.

thanks :D

i'm so touched. LOL! :D

still, i went to see ur fb.

and teary eyes began :/

i love the twitter's zodiacfact xD

okay, i think this is a vvv late post, but..... still, i wanna thank my frens :D

thank you for all that gave me sth for my bday :D

i noe i have thank u guys b4.. but i still wanna thanks all for wishing me a happy bday.

thanks stan, waiyu, jer for coming down and for e prezzies.

thanks class for the present.

thanks py for the uss and the presentsssssssss.

thanks witch les for the card :D:D:D
many much appreciated :D

and.. went out wid the plurkers tdy :D:D:D
it's a crazy day as usual.

i laughed until stomach's super pain

but when i'm wid kang kong, i wun laugh till that crazy :D

that's gd. cos i can calm down. LOL!!!!

lunched at astons and.. bowled :D

okay, at least my score now is beta than my bowling last time.

but still, i cnt hit my highest score ):

but all in all, it's a super fun time chatting and gng out wid dem.

:D

wonder when will the nxt outing be. and.. i dun have the pics wid me ;x

cnt upload in blog. ;x

and. went to uss ytd for the first time.

the place is nice (:

seriously, it dun gives me the feeling of being in spore.

but dere's nth inside for me to eat ;x

but well. it's still (Y) :D:D:D:D

a super nice experience ^^

life rly sucks. :(

i feel sooooo dependent on ppl now ):

sighs.

pls stop quarreling D:

it truly affect our progress.

plus, u 2 are a couple.

and u should rly curb ur anger.

cos from wad i see, the two of u MAY (not?) be in the wrong BUT

u should truly curb ur anger.

for the beta of our project.

and... for ur r/s

this yr is a year where my gadgets spoil like mad ):
first is one hp. kept spoiling. i kept sending for repair during the first yr warranty.

sent it for repair, one day b4 the warranty ends and received it one day aft warranty ends,

and it spoilt agn :(

so nvm, i use another phone.

this phone seldom spoils.

bt it still spoil aft all ):

now using my previous previous phone D:

eee ): sighs.

but nvm. at least still can use.

at least has camera. cos i need it for sch work.

and now, my comp seems to have prob too ): oh bother bother bother D:

i got sad when u mentioned "tie"

cos it's an unaccomplished task ):

i seriously dun understand guys.

okay, some.

and... LOL. i still felt ur smses weird.

had been ignoring almost all ;x *oops*

HAHA.

like waiyu said .. it's like his fren trying to help him sms ;x

i noe it's not but i too felt that it seems like it

HAHAA

and.. i dun think anyone has a right to insult and criticize when u're angry.

it's seriously super sickening.

things happened for a reason (:

and sometimes, things changed.

and it's normally due to the fact that many things happened,

not just one

speechless

sometimes, i felt so guilty for making ppl's life worse.

and.. u got cut. idk if it's cos of me. but u said it's cos that u're thinking of sth.

):

i'm sorry, bt hmmm. indirectly? HAHA.

i hope i rly did the right thing.

i felt relieved, no doubt.

but dere's sth within me..

which stops me from being totally happy.

but well, i didn't rly feel happy either.

i oso duno how i'm feeling.

i guess, i was feeling to tired to feel anything ;x

heh. btw. it's the holiday !

but well, it still ain't the hols for me.

):

知人知面不知心。

我一向来都很信任你，但是，

日旧见人心。

我自己心知肚明就好 (:

算了。我已看开了许多。

心也已决定了。

many thanks waiyu ((:

wad i rly need is, a fren who'd listen to my sorrows

and giving me opinions.

and i glad i have frens like that.

but i dun dare to keep telling them things.

cos i dun wanna bother them much wid stuffs like that.

cos, i believe that i can think for myself.

it's my life, my future.

i have the absolute right for every single thing that i've decided to do.

nth will sway my determination this time, i hope.

all the best.

加油加油加油！

sometimes, i duno if it's good to be easily happy over little things.

i noe it's gd. but i dun think it is, all the times, rite? :/

life is kinda happy for me, these few days.

cos i rly appreciate things that ppl have done for me.

even if it's just a happy bday wish..

to be frank, i felt so unwanted on the dot of my bday.

i felt soo sad.

but my mood turned for the better when i saw so many wishes in fb.

yes, i'm rly happy to see those wishes.

for as long as i live, dere's sth deep down in me, which is so afraid of things, a certain thing.

i think i knew what it is. i think, i think i knew.

and it just haunts me.

and i rly dun wanna anyone to leave me, esp those that i love.

so that's why, i'm in such a dilemma.

but, if things ain't meant to be, i understand.

and if ppl wanna leave my life, so be it.

i'm so tired of being paranoid everytime.

though i noe, i'm always paranoid.

last nite, i had been thinking..

thinking a lot till i cnt slp.

didnt reply the last sms cos i wanted to be quiet for that particular moment.

eyes wanted to rest, but brain dun.

eyes were so tired, mind too i guess.

but it wun stop operating.

and i had a weird dream. it's weird i noe.

but i cnt rmb wad it is.

i rly dun want anyone to leave me.

though, leaving is part and parcel of life.

i really dun... dun want.

it's irony.

BUT ANW. ALL THE BEST PUP !!!! HOPE U CAN GET IN :D

i'm always slow at things, i noe.

but at least, i'm truly contented wid wad i have.

and i love all my frens *loves*

look at things at another angle and things, truly will be so much beta.

i guess, i'm back to my positive side agn.

like finally :D

i shouldn't have asked for more (:

thank you for tdy :D

谢谢。你们有心了。:D

things ain't always as easy as ABC,

wid so many complications ard (:

I MISS THE PLURKERS

HAHAH i want outing xD but whennnnn???? D:

confused :/

feels so relaxed now xD

but only for now,

cos i needa get back to fyp soon ):
awww. how mood damper D:

but i'll persevere :D:D:D !!

exam is finally over xD

was so happy and went out wid coursemates tdy :D

heard the "train is coming" music agn and i rly felt like laughing.

cos it rly sounds sooo funny ;x

F: you rly laugh so easily hor

S: it's a gd thing wad.

F: ya, easily "containted"

me: *huh? shen me lai de?*

S: is easily contented la.

LOL

F: aiya, it's the same thing

fren took part in NYNY's challenge.

:D and .. i left just 10 b4 the competition ended.

i think he cmi :x HAHA

and went to find waiyu aft that :D

why are u so temperamental?

you changed so fast, that i rly duno wad to do.

just cos of wad?

of sth minor?

den why issit that u have to give attitude.

i'm sure u wun do that to him,

but hey, why me!

always lidat.

to think that i'm still so naive to think that u'll change.

e prob could lie in me too,

but still, u dun have to be lidat.

feel beta now :DD

life sucks, big time ):
i seem to have probs wheneva i go..

okok, everyone else too HAHA

this feeling sucks ttm.

i noe i'll be fine tmr :D

IF I DUN ON HP -.-

had been seeing a lot of craps recently.

tsk. i wanna ignore. but i cnt.

irritating loads.

i hate this -.- TSK.

i hate having second thoughts.

nvm. waiyu !!!

talk to u aft exams.

we discuss :P

HAHAHA :x

LOL

just back home.

went out for a while wid mum.

and it's like.. i forgot it's the seventh month

so i just said "gia liao" (let's go)

and mum was like looking at me *shh dun say that*

i was like *oops* when i heard wad she said.

i went "mai follow"

mum: they dun understand english

me: they dun understand hokkien too :D

had two papers tdy.

theoretical..

and.. my 2 worst subs.

and dere's one more elearning this fri.

one of my worst sub ):

while doin my exams..

sth came into mind.

and i just tot over wad happened.

i just stunned dere.

mind blank, staring in front of me.

it's been 3-4 yrs le.

so long alr.

so long... no pt thinking over it agn rte?

yes i noe. but my mind just wanna think.

wad can i do?

if i have amnesia, things wld be beta.. wouldn't it?

or would it not?

i dun wanna think.

but wheneva i see you, you, you, you, you..... and you.. and....... a lot more of you..

i just think.

i just wanna run away.

just turned my back.

it's so tiring.

to have it haunting aft me.

this is the one thing which i've told no one abt it and dun intend to.

so i can only rant it here.

thanks blog for tking in the "impact"

no one should listen to me. so i tend to keep things to myself :D it's a gd thing too actually. and cos sometimes, i just feel emo suddenly that it'll be so tiring for them to listen to my rantings over and over agn

and sometimes, i just kept thinking....

... if i should give up

argh. idk why. but now, i see everyone so fine ard me.

fine as in.. dere's nth i dun like abt them ):

一种说不出的感觉。。。

this feeling sucks.

really sucks.

whenever i tot of giving this up,

a voice inside me, told me not to give up., not to give up, not to give up.

many things are making me sad.

was kinda shocked that my sec sch fren came to talk to me in fb and msn !

HAHA. we shared our love story.

and well, me and him.. AAHAHA.

had abt the same sad story.

but his is sadder.

cos to me, the gal is like two timing. so evil.

AND WAIT.. NONO. THIS IS NOT ANOTHER EMO BLOG POST :P

hahaha !!!

well, stupid things happened.

and it's not that i dun wanna reply.

it's just that i'm too tired from so many things.

so i tend to ignore and give slower replies.

if not, i'll sure sound super moody while talking to u and u.

which i dun want that to happen.

i've tried to put myself in ur shoes.

yes, i can understand ur feelings..

but it's that, i seriously dun understand y u dun understand..

though u kept saying that u do.

so well, den dere's nth much for me to tell u le.

just hope u can truly be happy.

instead of trying to be happy on the outside.

so wad if u are trying to stop posting more emo posts?

u're still emo.

wad's the pt?

and....... we nvr ignore u cos u emo.

we're not that unreasonable.

for the real reason, we've told u.

but u still dun understand. so uh well..

forget it :D

and... yup. exams are nearing..

but b4 that,

dad allows me to change phone plan xD

i wanna try to find a cheaper plan.

but i doubt i can.

any intro?? :D

and cos of this, i suddenly became v happy tdy

and maybe it's cos i had a longer slping time.

slept for 12 hrs.

though in between, i woke up to make cough med for mum.

hope her coughing gets beta.

i'm so happy so happy so happy xD

i wanna sing ~~ :D

if only kbox is free :x

HAHAHAHA !!! omg :x

nicole, must be happy okay !!!!! ytd is emo day. tdy happy day :p

and grace, hahahaha !!!!! that crazy gal :p

LOVE THE 2 OF U xD HAHAHA

wanna have an outing wid e 2 of u soon xD

and i love the msn conv on the day b4 ytd.

I LAUGHED LIKE MAD !!!!

and the elmo in me ran away xD

though it came back the nxt day.

due to lack of slp i think :x

many things are happening recently.

i dun get as pissed as last time..

cos last time, i'll get annoyed by things and irritating ppl.

but now, maybe grace is right. i'm numb :x HAHAH

maybe..

sighs. i tot i'll update a lot of things. but uh well.

dun wanna blog le. :(

i agree wid this (:

life has a lot of ups and downs indeed.

it's true.

but we can change our thinking, to make things seem beta.

and even, change our life.

vin, this is to you.

i rly duno wad else i can say to console u alr

and sometimes,

i just felt so guilty for everything i did.

i rly want long long slp for days.

i'm rly so stressed and forever not enough slp.

okay la, my stress can be reduced.

i have tmr.. to just try to finish up a lot of things.

and.. mum's working agn

that means housework dere for me to do agn.

which is making things worse :/

i wonder why i'm so easily pissed recently.

ppl called me, i've no mood to talk.

and... so easily get sad over things,

get upset over things,

get irritated over things.

think i'll be fine aft a long slp tonight :D

i cnt be forever so short tempered :/

I NID TO CURB CURB CURB !!!! :D

wth.

i'm busy rite !!!

why are more and more ppl so like u.

u think i'm wad?

robot issit!

i'm so stressed up.

loads of things yet to be done.

i rly nt tolerate any more shit.

not only u.. but u, u, u,u and u !

it's sch holiday and i nid to go back to sch.

that's a total turn off )':

but..

thinking positively, it's beta than slacking at home !

at least i'm more productive here and.....

we're working on our fyp :/

dun like it when ppl -.- me :/

i duno wad u r trying to do

u.. told me not to slp so late..

u.. told me not to slp yet cos u wanna chat wid me.

wad is this :)

why.. die die must chat x.x

*sms-ing grace*

*laughing*

*seemun looks at me and some other frens of mine*

me: My fren is crazy.

seemun: u noe why?

me: why?

seemun: cos birds of the same feather flock tgt.

me: oh. u're saying urself?

seemun: i'm not ur fren. i'm ur classmate.

me: same same la xD

wad's the point of harping over it??

TSKKK

you told me that frens are more impt than u.

i was like"...?!"

and.. u're sad that i'm gng out tmr, not wid u.

den kept telling me to go out wid u instead.

.......

i think i'm just being too stressed up wid work?

so that explains all these nonsensical thinking

i tried appearing happy ((:

and i tried to be.

i dun wanna appear so emo in front of ppl alr.

i dun wanna reply things so emo-ly agn

bt, i'll continue typing emo stuffs when i'm rly emo,

to make myself feel beta, i tink :/

but sometimes, no ... most of the times..

sad memories just haunt aft me..

perhaps, it's a typical gal's mind.

i only noe that i was termed "happy-go-lucky" last time.

not that i dun have sadness.

i do have. actually, more.

but i just didn't let it affect me?

now i decided to think abt those probs.

to change and perhaps, have a beta idea of how to handle things when similar ones came out agn.

or maybe i'm rly a perfectionist..

though i dun think i am.

perhaps.. i expect beta results from myself?

and.. maybe those closer ppl to me..

perhaps.

perhaps.

perhaps.

who can cfm it for me?

no one.

only i can think abt it myself.

and cfm it.

sighs. it's rly giving me headache and giddiness to think abt all these !!

i hated myself so much for thinking.

but, i can tell myself that, i ain't thnking much abt the past alr.

it's a gd thing (:

even if i think,

it's only reminiscence.

to think how laughable things were in the past :x

i dun wanna think abt it alr.

but ... wheneva smses come from .......

it strted all agn x.x

one word to describe this situation or rather........ i'm in..

"weird"

sometimes, it just sets me thinking..

am i rly rdy for all these?

perhaps, i've rly gotten wad i always wanted.

but, it's only aft like 8 months? 9 months?

when i've gotten used to it..

when i've felt tired of always bothering over it..

when i've alr strted to tk things in my stride.

but when i strted to think abt it now,

i found it kinda harsh on me.

when reality sets in,

i thought..

"are u rly the right one?"

to say the truth..

my past experience are all..

in a mess.

i've always tot that i've matured.

yes, i'm sure i did as compared to my sec sch life.

but.. not as matured as i thought.

i thought compromising will make things beta.

at least i've talked things out.

things did change.. aft like a while l8r.

at least it did.

but.. now, aft 6 months of change,

i can still feel tired over certain things.

perhaps..

i should let let u be in the same state that u were in the first place.

when u're wid someone..

wun u be wholehearted to her?

instead of:

having crush wid a few ppl and decided to choose this particular person..

got tgt but didn't cherish it.

even had a betrayal of heart.

so wad if the feeling ain't strong that time?

is that a good reason for u to act the way you were?

NO !

certainly a NO-NO.

sometimes, things wun wait for u.

ppl changed wid a prick of conscience, perhaps.

but u changed, cos u felt that u should.

and not cos of love.

i noe, i shouldn't be harping on this..

but.. i duno who to talk to.

i rly rly rly dun wanna trouble ppl wid my probs agn.

cos it'll always cause a certain disturbance to ppl.

i duno y.. but just felt like keeping more things to myself.

but yeah, i do confide in ppl.

it's cos.. i rly wanna noe wad to do next.

it's cos.. i felt that i need a listening ear.

perhaps, i should be satisfied wid the change in you now.

perhaps, i should rly swallow everything.

perhaps.. i should tk things more in my stride.

perhaps....... i should let it be.

u did nth wrong.

in the past, a certainly yes.

now.. more of character wise i guess?

perhaps.. we're not......... supposed to...

it's alr a blunder in the first place.

perhaps, a mystery in the middle.

but confusion in the end.

or perhaps.. e prob just lies wid me.

perhaps.. i'm still quite a kid in my thinking?

or perhaps.. i'm not meant to be in one..

or perhaps.. this kind of thing, ain't one of my thing.

or perhaps.. i should grow up more.

and my ear is hurting now.

i felt like crying all out to distress.

but i cnt afford to do so.

cos i'll feel more tired than ever and wad about my work?

stress + poor emotional management + poor time management + tiredness = EMO.

yes. go ahead and blame me for not managing my time well.

u said u understand. but y are u still blaming me?

it's ok. just go ahead and blame me.

i tk it all down.

i'm so tired of being blamed for not doin sth when my work load are suffocating me.

yes. maybe it's cos i duno how to plan my things.

ya. i'm bad at planning my time wisely.

yes, i'm at fault for not helping out.

yes. i'm at fault for not spending more time wid u

yes. i'm at fault for not telling u clearly i'm so stressed up (which i did say =.=)

yes. i'm at fault for emoing

yes. i'm at fault for those emo smses which i said i dun wanna talk.

yes. i'm at fault for everything i've done.

SO SORRY

i cnt believe that i'm actually blamed for not having a good chat wid u..

when i'm sooooooo stressed up and having loads and loads of unfinished work.

i cnt believe that u claimed that i didnt tell u that i have loads of things to do when i told u a lot of times.

i cnt believe that you would actually tell me that u're emo wid EXACTLY the SAME words that i used to sms u e other time. it's not that i dun believe u. it's just that.. i'm rly stressed up and moodless to talk or sms. u just spammed me calls. it's okay to call me. but not when i said that i dun wanna talk. at that moment.. i seriously dun feel like talking. u can call me l8r.