Haha omg. Ytd is such a funny day loh. I even told my mum abt it.
Firstly, there were these two policemen standing dere while im serving cust. At first i didnt tot that they were waiting for their queue to be called. So i pressed e nxt queue n they approached me. They complained that their phone kept vibrating n cnt b on or off. So while thy were explaining their prob to me, i "revived" their phone n they were soooooo shocked. LOL. One of dem asked "omg how did u do that??" i looked at his shocked face n LOL. He laughed tgt wid me too LOL. So funnyy

Next up is this malay customer. She complained that she cannot open her apps. At first i was suggesting to her to backup her data n delete everything from her phone n install those apps agn. She didnt back up her data n looked v sad. I told her that it MIGHT be her apps prob n im not so sure abt e cause or reason for e prob. N she continued giving me the sad face. So i tried removing one of her apps n dling it agn. Aft the dl is completed, e app could work n she went to try her other apps. N amazingly, all her apps worked! She was soooooooo happy n kept thanking n thanking me n said "god bless you" LOL. How funny sia.

Sometimes, it is a blessing to still encounter cute customers in this working environment :))

sometimes, i'm just so envious of certain ppl.. rly envious..

saw my colleague while gng to my lunch brk. in the end, we went off for brk tgt ((:

now, we chatted alot abt r/s stuff.

and one of the guy whom idk his name is, is very silly.

way too silly.

Hi lonely blog,

I feel so useless, u noe that?? I tried my best.. I did but over the time, i just forget. U noe wad?? I tried to visualize myself when i quit the job. I tried to think positively that i would b able to handle situations more tactfully. At least to talk in a better manner n not talking in a way such that ppl misunderstand me..

Aside to xxx, i tried bt u dun seem willing to do so.. So i shall forget it?

Aside to yyy, i dun have time to think abt this cos im super disappointed wid myself to do anything

aside to zzz, thanks for e chats. At least i do feel slightly beta..

Back to topic... ... I will nvr forget wad kat, nur n IT told me.. I noe i am useless.. I will still try my best.. Bt can u lemme finish all those kiv i have nw n stop giving me problematic situations where im required to escalate to parties whom i duno who they r?? :( can i????

Sigh

thanks

best regards
chereng

everything happened so fast that it seem so unreal now.

i rly need time to see.

i noe, i have been gng against my principle back den

while i was queuing up in the bank, i took special notice of those customer service officers working.

out of 5 of dem working, only one smiled constantly while working.

my first impression of her was good.

after noticing her for a while, i realised that she was still quite new at work.

she need to consult her colleagues about some info and that reminded me of myself.

but i tot "it is inevitable to not noe alot of info while working".

in the midst of observing her , i did not take much notice about her colleague who was sitting 2 positions to her right.

there were some small quarrels between the officer n the customers.

in the end, the customer got angry and pressed "unsatisfied" as the feedback and told her husband "press more press more".

the customer service officer got pissed and replied "press lah!"

little things observed could actually make me reflect on what they could have done and that did gimme some simple reminder at work.

if the same things still happen,

i can tell myself that i've alr tried.

and can maybe let go...

u noe wad?

i'm gonna try..

rly try.

cos i dun wanna be unfair to anyone.

jiayou :)

i will persevere not matter wad and i will NOT tk quitting/escaping as a form of solution.

it's such a sad day ytd and tdy :/

i noe i cannot please everyone.
i noe i'm slow.
and i noe that i need to be more hardworking than anyone else.
that's why, i will presevere on.
but i cnt do it always, cos sometimes, the hits are too big.
one after another and one day aft another.

one console from my manager made me feel beta.
but i still feel bad, very bad.
maybe, i rly need to let it out

sucks. everything sucks :/

dere are alot of things which i wanna learn!

omg. idk if i can learn dem all.

1. driving

2. phones (currently only noe how to set up apn :/)

3. computer !!! (esp how to fix comp)

4. accounting

5. STARHUB ISSUEs !!!!! (for my work) :x

cnt rmb other things but, these are the main things that i wanna learn now :/

doubt i can master any yet D:

hmm, issit cos of lack of slp?

everyone is changing :/

and sighs.. siao le. i hope that it is NOT my case.

i dun wanna have another tricky situation :/

why weren't i off on that day):

so disappointed wid myself.
just wanna be less careless... ... ... .. .
and i wanna be more tactful while handling things.
i still have time to learn abt it, i noe.

sighs .. .. .. .. . :(

the only 2 things that i wanna change now are to be more observant and to be more tactful when handling situations
i will persevere no matter how many setbacks i faced while dealing wid cust :)

other than that, i wun wanna do anything to change my character.
cos i believe that one's character/ thinking is v difficult to change
i'm trying to change my thinking to a more positive one though :)

i had a "nice" bus ride encounter ytd nite.

and it seems as if alot of things happened last nite.

firstly,

i had a terrible cold ytd nite while working.

i trembled uncontrollably and my mouth cant stay still too :/

could not stand properly and asked my colleague to help me find one paper in that mini pile of paper but they were all busy wid their closing duties.

so, i did it myself.

and tot "u can't always rely on others"

i normally used 5-10 mins to finish my duties but ended up tking 50 mins to finish doing dem ytd..

cos i wasn't well and could hardly write.

head was throbbing wid pain but i still tried my best to finish dem.

requested to go off first when i've finished my stuff.

walked v slowly to the bus stop aft that and bus came in 5 mins time.

which is good :)

along the journey, i sensed fever catching up on me

and the only thought that i had in mind was "i want to go home asap :/"

during half of the journey,

a wheelchair bounded indian boarded the bus.

bus driver helped to bring down the rack, which is rightfully wad he is supposed to do.

after quite a few bus stops, the man pressed the bus bell to alight

one man alighted the bus and the bus driver just closed the door.

upon seeing the door closed, the wheelchair bounded man just pointed to the door and indicated that he wanted to alight.

however, the china bus driver just blew his top and shouted in mandarin "can't u wait!? there is a bus in front. i need to drive the bus in front first!"

the pax's face just blackened

and i thought agn "the bus driver should tell the pax nicely. anyone would be anxious to miss their bus stop esp when they cnt travel conveniently"

:( sighs. so many things have happened.

and ppl seem to change.

:(

i might have changed too. but one thing for sure that i didnt change is being oblivious.

i need to be smarter.

i need to learn.

i need to try

i need to change

i will persevere :)

idk wad happened.
but i felt that it's more and more of assumptionsssss
:/

idk if i'm doing the right thing.
after for quite some time,
the fear reduced.
the sadness reduced as well.
idk wad will happen this time round.
i always duno.
but well, i believe in "live and let live"

work, sch, frens .. :/

i shall learn to treasure the times and tk as many cust as possible.
only way for me to learn a widder range of info and improve.

idk if i will be able to enter uni.
ziyu alr gotten her results and letter.
but dere's still no news for me. i noe they are processing..
but ... ... :/

and idk if i should reply.
call me a coward if u like.
cos i'm still afraid of replying.
and, some other things still seem so weird
u can call it to be my 6th sense or wadever senses.
i just sense it to be awry though i tried to deceive myself

woo !!! bang kang-ing soon xD

things happened to let us change for the beta.

criticizes said to let us realize the side of us that we've nvr realize at times.

i always felt that i learnt tings v slowly.

i still do feel that way now.

comparing to my fren who came to work on the same day as me,

i'm so much slower.

i noe, i shouldn't compare.

cos different ppl has different learning pace.

wad i can do now is to constantly learn and learn.

i will jy de.

though i still dislike myself at times.

during the past months,

many things happened.

i dun deny that my emotions and feelings are in a turmoil.

i might have thought of things wrongly,

i might have felt things/ situation wrongly.

i might have jumped into conclusion too.

but idk anything.

i only noe that i am slow at realizing things,

not tactful at handling situation.

and i noe that i do tend to escape from reality.

but i do noe that human ain't perfect.

i cnt keep harping on those flaws that i have :)

cos, wad i rly noe now, is to learn more things..

be it in life or during work.

idk if i'm rly giving myself alot of stress to change at times.

but i noe that if i dun "push" myself, i wun change and might be laid back.

sometimes i'm rly thinking if i'm rly doing the right approach.

in all aspects of life... ... ... ... ...

absense makes the heart grow fonder :)

wa ! idk why but i suddenly wanna buy refrigerator and wanna treat some of my frens suddenly x.x
ah, save up pls, cher eng !
must listen to that fortune teller LOLOL !!!
he was like telling me to stop spending so much T.T
which i totally agree :/

Currently have alot of plans. Wanna make full use wid my money/pay. Was thinking of gng to do volunteery work bt doubt that i can do so when i wanna go out :x nvm. I still can do some donations. Lemme list down the things i wanna do xD
1. Donations
2. Treat family to a meal (maybe zi char, since idk wad else to treat :\)
3. Treat mum to facial
4. Learn driving
5. Buy phone (bought le :p)

And loads more bt cnt think of any more cos brain is currently dead nw :\

On a side note, things seem awry nw. Hope they will become beta :\

working on my off day tdy ! i was wondering when can i go change my batt cos my batt seems weird :/ i can only see "100%" when i finished charging my batt for the first time but subsequently, i cnt see "100%" even though i've een charging it for more than 3 hrs and even 5 hrs. weird huh :/ it's still a v new batt.

extreme decisions made are considered for a v long period of time. it's of cos not due to a momentary harsh decision nor for own satisfactory purposes.. u wun understand. and i tot that u have changed. at least a little. or even did some reflection. but u didnt. how disappointing. guess i was being naive, once agn to hope for some changes.

cher eng, u need to check os :) carefully . :)

now guys are becoming more and more petty.

-_-

wad for throw ur temper.

it dun help anything.

if u're tired or wad, i can understand.

but i certainly cnt understand why u can always have this fiery temper !

being mcp is worse enough.

and now, this attitude, this temper.

full of nonsensical shit

tdy is quite slack !!!! which is a good thing :p if only everyday is like this. but well, dere's busy times too ): had a super early lunch break at 12 !!!! can die sia. cos i need to work for 9 more hrs aft that w/o food. D:

everything feels so different. but i cnt expect things to be the same as last time. changes are bound to occur. maybe if fate comes, we might be on gd talking terms as last time. (though we're still talkin now) sometimes i just think back and i recalled all those gd memories. but as usual, it's no pt me thinking abt the situation now. cos only time can make everything happen agn. and it must all depend on u too :/

i'm suddenly being called back to work !! HAHA. was actually out and was thinking if i wanna come back. but i came back eventually. boss was like telling me that dere's 2 ppl off and one mc tdy. tried calling rea but she didnt pick up call. den he told me "since u requested to work on all full shift and requested to come back to work on ph, you might agree to come back to work. we might as well try asking u. i've alr put an '*' beside ur name. so when we need replacement, the first person that we would think of, is u." HAHAH omg. this is wad he told me ! should i feel happy? :p hee. i think i shld. i seriously dun mind being called back to work on a weekday like this !!!!! haha ! this is the first time i felt so happy coming back to work. i rly wonder why. it's not the work scope, not the ppl, and not the money too. though i rly wanna earn alot of money for some useful things, money ain't making me happy to work. i wonder why too. maybe it's cos i'm rly happy within and thus, i felt happy over everything :D or maybe my thinking rly did change to the positive. :)) . . BUT dere's one thing which i wanna change my thinking towards dem but idk if i can do so. i truly doubt that i can, cos it was alr my limit. i didnt think abt it, didnt lament nor bear grudges towards dem. it's just, a form of new phobia that has developed. maybe time can change, but i certainly dun wanna "taste" dem agn

everything takes time,

to change,

to forget,

to minimize,

and to get used to.

bad past ain't to be remembered.

i'm still trying to forget those past,

though they still haunt aft me.

but they dun matter anymore.

wad matters now is my present and future.

:)

hmm, i'll improve de. dun wry. heee.

kept hearing "what are words" during work.

it's such a touching song.

i scared that i'll feel emotional if i concentrate on hearing that song. D:

ahhh, stop playing it.

i scared i'll cry during work sia HAHa :/

i must keep cool no matter wad.
i must jy :(
sighs. cnt let such things happen agn.
RMBBBB !!!!! SR FIRST .
AND WARM FIRST T.T
SIGHSSS

i rly wonder when can i stop being so blur :(

it's pointless :/

i cnt help u laaaaa HAHAHA

u go contact ur own agency *shoo shoo*

it's more and more of a phobia

had been gng for loads interviews and application for jobs

wanted a job at rws or uss initially but they need 1 mth to process.

i cnt wait for so long:/

plus.. i might not noe wad will happen aft that 1 mth.

they might not accept me aft all esp when dere's sooooo many ppl applying for it !

kept wondering if i'll get into the 3rd interview for tdy.

hopefully i can !!!!

but when that happens, it means that i'll work for at least 45 hrs weekly.

dun mind i think.

since i'm soooo free :p

and thanks for pei-ing me for those interviews tdy xD hheeee

i lost a gd gd fren. sighs. but i guess, if it makes u feel beta, it's fine

i think i've hurt another person agn. :/

hmm, sorry.

i feel like such a sinner D:

never noe till u try. if u dun try, u'll regret it.

this is so true :3

hmm,

this is so weird.

i thought over it and questioned myself.

do i rly feel it that way?

i tried to stop myself from feeling that.

cos i dun want it to be another nice dream that i've built up

and it just tumble down..

cos it's just me.

only me

time rly flies..

i rly hope i can enter D: omgomgomg :/

it's another assumption that u've made.

do u noe that?

i'm starting to love my life agn.

i'm starting to love those frens ard me agn :)

i'm finally strting to feel happy agn

it's a happening day,

super tiring day of cos.

and interesting.

i duno if it's alright.

but it's alright to give out ba :p

my daily routine for now:

slp at 12-2 am.

wk up for nth at 3-5 am.

cnt slp for a while.

wk up at 7 plus am, 8/9 plus am.

still slpy but cnt slp

and stomachache o.o

so happy tdy!!!

last day of exam,

went out wid fren,

took pics,

chatted,

was treated frappe and fries,

chat on msn,

someone responded to my plurk !!!

xD

乖小孩。

不是怪 :P

wonders why i feel so empty now :/

cos u made me tired agn? HAHA

maybe i was wrong?

but dere's always a few reasons to the things i do.

pls stop ur assumption.

ty

if u say no that ur close kins nvr care abt u much last time,

den i shall care for u alot now.

i dun care, i dun want u to work.

for as long as my hols starts.

it's my turn to slog, not u.

i just dun want u to be tired.

ur super long hrs are killing u, i noe.

as usual, u care abt the family.

so, i am gonna care more abt u.

i shall hereby demand u to stop working.

want money, get it from me.

still find myself stupid):

u n ur definition agn lolol.

weird ones at that :p

call it paranoid or wad.

i find it hard to believe ppl nowadays.

i tot i'm still able to believe.

but aft so many lies and broken promises.

i guess, i cnt trust as freely like i used to.

but i think, if u've managed to gain my trust, i shld be able to trust u like abt 80%?

ha :/

idk why this sudden feeling.

i dun wanna doubt ppl. it's tiring to do so.

but i'm paranoid, terrified to trust anymore

i still feel scared. tot that i'm alr fine, but i'm so wrong

i'm sooo looking forward to the end of the exams !

wanna go work. wanna earn money.

and wanna tell mum to stop working ):

at least for as long as my holiday lasts.

as for the work.... hmm, i need to source alr.

but idk where to find :x

HAHAHA. nvm. aft exams. will slowly look for them.

and i wanna learn driving ):

worse come to worst, i'll go learn it alone.

just dun get lost can alr. HAHAA.

and, i need to cont my current job )':

sory ah ! it's been stagnant for quite some time.

hadn't have the time for it.

exmas, fypppp.

ah ! so sorry ):

most imptly, i wanna sort out my thinking.

dey have all been in a mess, oh bother !

and.... i wanna go kbox xD

HAHA.

right now, i gotta get back to my revision :(

u nvr keep ur words.

the glimmer of trust and hope that i had for u, turned to nth now.

when u said u understand, dere's no longer a tinge of relief in me.

i guess, aft so many nonsense, i'm too tired.

will "recuperate" only aft my exams.

or maybe, i can strt doing now, without any thinking.

i believe that everything happens with a reason and

only happens to make us stronger.

i find it utterly meaningless to feel that this person is wrong.

just think wad u might be wrong at, and change.

even if u feel that most or even all the fault lies wid this person,

think agn.

u will most prob bear some responsibility.

and that's where self reflect comes into place. :)

i always wanted to do certain things and reject certain things.

but always changed my actions and opinions cos i felt bad.

now, i no longer felt as bad as i used to feel.

cos, instead of feeling bad, i might as well change myself or

find beta ways to solve the probs.

i dun deny that i always dun handle probs tactfully,

and sometimes, let my emotions get the beta of me.

but dun worry, i'm still growing up.

dun deny me of the chance to mature, change, and better myself

many, many conclusions :)

will maybe blog ab it aft my exams

no experience happen for nth.

6 more to go D:

i think alot,

cos i wanna change for the beta..

cos i'm being paranoid..

cos i'm thinking if i'm doing the right things currently.

had a chat wid jeremy while tking train to fren's house tdy

and i asked him abt my flaws :p

indecisive and straightforward.

haha ! i agree !!!

but i'm used to talking that way. heh :P

nvm nvm. this can be changed ^^ heh thanks for telling.

anw.. i had been wondering if i've been doing the wrong thing.

i wanted to convey certain message to u and told u abt it.

u apologised but continued doing it the nxt day..

wad's the pt :/

but well.. i rly hope that doing it the hard way can rly put the message across ur head.

i dun like such extreme approach.

most of the ppl whom i asked, told me to ignore u.

i tried but didnt rly do so all the times.

cos i had to tell u to stop saying it.

no choice .

this week is super hectic.

and more to come for the nxt 3 wks.

and i just heard that... we still need to do report aft we finished our exam.

i wanna work! HAHA

i rly wanna bade goodbye to fyp alr.

it's sooo tiring.

on a side note...

i need to prepare for one quiz, 2 lab tests, viva, report this wk.

hope i didnt leave out anything

and dere are testsss nxt wk too.

so tired. haha !

but must jyjyjy.

recognise how much a person can change?

maybe... i did ...

but it's only cos i want u to stop stop stop :/

u nvr change.

but u're as annoying as before

cher eng ah cher eng..

wad kind of feeling is that?

我宁可不做任何解释了。因为只会越苗越黑。。。

尝试说清楚自己的感觉，但你还是那样认为，那样认定一切。

我真的是无话可说了。 好心酸，好无奈。

不知如何是好。也许自己处理事情不妥当，

拖泥带水， 才造成今日的纠纷。

也许这对你来说是一种解脱，伤心的解脱。

以前，我有尝试接受你。

但我们经常意见不合，吵架。

要如何相处呢？我累了。相信你也是。

尽然你要再次的离去，那就去吧。

因为在你眼里，我总是认定你是错的。

总是这样，那样。。。

你会找到一个更属于你的女孩。

今天会关机。大家不必发简讯给我。谢谢

昨天的自我检讨，今天的决定，未来的问号。。。 。。。

am i doin the rite thing????

feel tired to explain for myself alr.

so if u wanna assume and jump into conclusion and be angry... ...

i duno wad to say alr

i wanna thank you for ... ...

being wid me when i needed someone

talking to me when i'm bored

:DD

thanks so much .

saw someone's fb and i wondered... ...

when ppl wanna do sth and had a chance to do it,

they nvr cherish the chance.

and when the chance's gone, they lament on it :/

no pt rte .

still, studying is gd. u shld have cherished it :/

nxt wk to cny !

nxt wk to uni application !

and i just knew that NUS look down on poly students ):

from my frens though LOLOL

how i wish ntu and nus can switch their location :P

and i thank you for all ur concern :))

always feel so touched :P

but i cnt help but keep thinking that happy times dun last long.

and dere wun be any outlet for my sorrows :/ in future

From the bottom of my heart, i rly thank you for everything, including those quarrels, i guess.

at least, we sorta understand each other more? though i dun deny that i got super tired of them. i noe u do too.

i had been thinking abt the cause of the quarrel. wanted to have a nice chat over it, at least... we can talk things out and kinda conclude the cause. but still, i felt that it's cos of communication probs.

i nvr had such probs wid my frens..

so i rly wonder why :/ but well, i did try to explain to u.. but i nvr knew that when i tried to do that.. you think of sth else :/ i just wanna... clear things up..

maybe u dun wanna solve it. maybe u dun wanna talk abt it.. or maybe.. you have even started to dislike and hate me. maybe it's the last.

if not, idk how to explain xxxx xx xxxxx. i wun be able to forget those 3 words..

cos they rly, hurt me alot.

i rly wanna point out a few pts. i want u to change, cos i care. but i noe, u'll most prob be angry. in the case, how do we solve probs? this prob will forever be happening and nvr be solved.

i'm scared i'll make u scared of anyone who mention "thumbdrive" nxt time D:

i duno why, i duno how ):

indescribable, unexplainable.

maybe i shld strt following my mum.

but in that case, i'll fall more into the

"insecure employee" category.

):

and only solution to lead me is to be autocratic.

i dun want ):

but... ... issit cos ba zi bu he?

i had been thinking of this for long.

but well... ... i had to agree wid my mum agn.

it's the family background ):

alarm didnt ring tdy.

at first, i rly wondered if it's cos i didnt manage to hear the alarm ring.

but aft that, i felt that it rly was that my alarm didnt ring.

cos my mum's awake.

if she hear my alarm ring for sooooo long and i didnt wk up,

she'd wake me up for sure.

and, i always get to hear my alarm ring.

it just has to ring slightly longer if i'm super dead to the world.

i always nvr fail to wk up aft my alarm ring.

so that's why... my mum always told my dad that they dun have to wk me up, unlike my bro :p

HAHA. i woke up 45 mins b4 lesson strt.

45mins-- train ride duration ):

in the end, i was late for 30 mins.

one of my frens even tot that i was sick and thus, skipped sch.

HAHA !!

sighs. my phone's so lousy.

shld have let someone to give me morning call ):

i cnt expect everyone to think and cherish the same things as i did.

i cnt expect everyone to be innocent.

i cnt expect everyone to think for others.

i cnt expect everyone to not be that self centered.

i cnt expect everything ):

i think i expected sooo much till i felt soo disappointed wid ppl and even...

tired of dem :/

i shan't be bothered wid ppl who dun care anymore.

and i shan't feel guilty and try to salvage things anymore..

cos it's no pt feeling so sad over sth when that person just do a certain reaction or move.

u made the choice :/

not me.

just so tired.

i wanna ... find back my motivation

so tired.

losing the motivation alr

i'll be super busy this wk.

monday: lessons till 5 + project/work

tue: lessons till 4.30 + gng to itp office

wed: sch from 9-7

thu: 8- night

fri: sch + project/work.

i shouldn't be happy too fast actually.

cos not yet meetup ): sighss....

and btw,

caught the tourist ytd :DD
it's nice.

i didn't expect the story to turn up that way D:

but the story's kinda funny ^^

had free dessert, free bun and free movie ^^ heh, thanks many many :D

and... u funny ah. go steal other ppl's popcorn in the middle of the movie LOLOL

but it's salty D:

i dun like :P

stop havin such low self esteem in urself.

if others can, u can too.

dun give urself any chance to regret :)

just be urself and use life to the fullest.

if they are able to find, you should be able to find too.

i dun mind waiting for one yr (ONE YEAR ONLY AH ~ :P)

HAHA xD

kk la, 2 yrs is also fine. but if it tks more than that, i'm rly gonna lose faith :)

nevertheless, nth is impossible.

just let things be. if it's meant to be mine, it'd be.

if ppl choose to walk out of my life, i cnt do anything much.

they make the decision themselves.

and being me, i wonder if it's stupid or wad to just let them walk in and out,

as and when they like.

but well, it's a blessing in disguise to see,

who are the ones who rly care.

even if it's just a sentence of asking me how i am or if i'm beta,

it's still considered concern to me.

cos at least they asked, right senior? LOLOL.

and, i suddenly recalled who the one who helped me previously is !! xD

HAHAH call me muddleheaded ):

he's such a big shot ! how could i forget him

and for a moment, i actually tot that he's the "ah neh" lab helper ):

but ..... he's my cya head !!!!!

well, dere's 2 head.

ha, not gonna forget u alr. cos i'm rly thankful for ur help :))

and, i rly felt like calling u and.... HAHAHAHA arrange a meetup wid my manager xD

I duno if it's possible xD

but if it means higher chance for a deal, i dun mind making that call ^^

it's irrevocable :))

ha, i duno why my frens kept asking abt how i fare for my mst this time x.x

left 2 more papers to get !

gotten 3 papers in total.

i bet my nxt 2 papers wun be able to score as well as the 3 papers which i've gotten back ):

and it's gonna be feb very soon !

i've yet to write a letter.

i've yet to rly choose the 5 choices ):

awww. D:

senior, i sincerely thank you for being dere when i needed someone :))

thank you :)

dear blog,

you must stop me from posting emo posts okay :P

HAHAH !!! kk la, trying to cheer up le .

:x

cheer up and not cher up *hinting to someone* :P

i'm rly trying my best to stay happy. so, blog, u must help me too kay?

if i wanna post sth emo, you must tell me that my post cnt be published :X

HAHAH !!

you're left wid urself to stay happy now. so all the more you must be happy. smile :):)

bb :D

dere are things, which ain't for me to say anymore.

i only noe that i rly do seem like a fool.

ppl just walk in and out, as and when they like.

i agree wid someone that they dun have the right to do so.

for well, fool as i appear to be, i dun rly mind them entering agn. :/ cos, who would want someone to be gone just lidat?

and i noe that certain things which happened might be a small matter.

but when they happen a lot of times.. and even almost everyday..

can u tk it?

first.. i think u and me have a generation gap though u're only 2 yrs older than me. i told u that you're talking nonsense and it's not the smses that are making me unhappy but rather, your words and u said, "i want to inform you about uni stuffs. and some other things which i should not say". with regards to that reply, wad i wanna say was, i've nvr said anything abt u telling me uni things. as in, nvr told u not to say them. but well.. for those other things.. i've always told u not to say that but u repeat. so wad can i say? u dun even understand my sentence nor do u understand me. furthermore, you said "Y am i smsing you everyday is cuz i want to gain back your trust and love". nonsense rte -.-

second... aft the talk ytd.. i rly agree wid wad u said. you guys have no right to do that. i truly agree wid wad u said. but wad can i do? stop u from doing that? things to be said, were said. things to be done, were done. now, i'm beginning to wonder why i tried to salvage so much last time when things were always gone wid a *poof*. shouldn't u at least thing of how i'd feel? instead of thinking those extreme extreme things.

okay full stop. i dun wanna say anymore. cos if i were to continue, i'd be repeating those things which i've said before. i bet no one wants to see me complain anymore rte?? ((: i dun wanna do so. but that's only provided that they dun do those things :/

okay, i'm left wid many many calls. sighs. cnt grab any tdy and motivation's just lost in betwn :/ useless me :x hee. and, i have to do my project tmr. yes, it's fyp :x heh. but report only xD

had one test tdy.. hope can fare well. hectic schooling life begins alr. labs for consecutive wks instead. sooo tired. i'm lacking the motivation alr. seriously.. and when i attend lessons now, all i'm thnking was fp, fyp, you, you, you and you. HA, i neeed concentration ! nvm, from now onwards, i'm rly gonna concentrate. be it in work, in sch or even talking to ppl AND WALKING. haha ! my mind always wander off :x

cher eng, you have to work hard okay.. i noe, motivation by other ppl always give you an invisible "push". but to rly work hard, you have to motivate yourself. wad matters is u, telling yourself to work hard and rly do it. i hope i wun be deemed as stressing up myself HAHA.

if ppl dun wanna me to be in their life and choose to walk out, den dere's nth which i can do. rte?

LOLOL, this is funny.

my fyp grp and this other grp are both supervised by hendra.

and this other grp consists of china ppl

but one of them is super super polite (Y) nice :D
and funny too o.o

one of my team mates is called "wayne".

and when we pronounced it, he somehow heard it to be otherwise.

and one day in fb, he asked "why no one tag rain?"

LOL. rain!?!?

funny ah xD

i LOL-ed at that.

pragmatic u.

faker ):

ha, this rly makes me wonder why i can bear wid u for so long last time.

dislike !

):

wun ever wanna reply ur sms anymore.

so u can dream on asking me out, like wad u're doing everyday . :/

dun have to hope nor bullshit anymore.

dun have to think that we still xxxxx.

dun have to do so :)

"heart to heart talk never fails to clear the heart of sorrows, the mind of troubles" -quoted from zhane.

issit rly that true? :/ sometimes yes, but it dun work on one person. forever dun :/ told him wad i feel, and all he did was to repeat the mistakes.

for another person, it's not more of a "heart to heart talk" but more of talk? :/

but for now, a talk is impossible.

ha, i dun wanna talk abt this alr. but apparently, i cnt. i kept having the same dream recently.

bt had a kinda different one tdy. it's abt the same dream but dere's some sad content in it.

but well, it depicts wad happened.

from now on, i'm so not gng to believe anyone who said they cherish me nor wanna

be nice to me.

all bullshit.

cos all i see now, are just rubbish.

words and actions are totally different.

NO actions.

or even, STUPID actions -_-

if u want sth, den go work hard for it luh.

if it's not meant to be urs, den let go.

wad's the pt of all the annoyance and end wid those stupid stupid messages.

ppl reflect (if they do), and said they wanna change (just like wad i did too).

but most impt thing is that they rly do it.

i rly hope i will keep the promise to myself and change.

so far, i've changed a bit, i noe !!

HAHA. i noe i did cos i've seen improvements.

but only slightly.

at least beta than nth :x

to be frank,

i've been thinking a lot recently.

thinking abt my behaviour.

thinking abt how i let certain things affect me so much that i dun have any mood for others.

thinking on wad i can do to improve on certain things.

thinking on wad approach i can use to improve certain things.

idk if i over-tire myself or no appetite that i ate v little recently

for instance, tdy.

i only had one meal.

i have 2 meals normally, so i guess, one lesser meal isn't a prob nor sth which i should think is unusual.

one thing for sure is that, i've been thinking a lot.

even my mum said that i seem to be deep in thoughts tdy.

and i actually made a white lie to prevent her from being worried.

i just said "nope. i'm v tired. just staring into space".

sry for lying. :/

and well, idk wad u're thinkin actually.

i wanted to do sth but i noe i cnt.

i wanted to salvage but i noe i cnt too.

had been bugging elvin wid this prob of mine.

nvm, i'll try to keep it within myself :)

and btw, i wanna say one sentence to an annoying person.

NIC !!!! SHLD I RLY SAY IT? but wait, it seems bad :/ ha.

stupid me zzz

last day for exhibition tmr.

finally :D

report to fret over now :/

i wanna slp in late on sunday :DD

super super super tired ):

kept napping tdy and ytd, but only for a short while.

and yes,

on wed (the first day of my duty), pup, nic, elvyn were here .

took train back wid dem.

long time no see, guys xD

and tdy (the second day of my duty), pup, chevy, cyferrs were here.

and chevy looked so pale and sick. :/

get well soon, season :D

tmr, elvin and desmond might be gng xD

i think they will.

heh. gd gd :D

come pei me chat ^^

ha, pointless :/

sighs. stupid life.

stupid me.

i hate myself.

tsktsk :/

i duno wad i shld do.

how i wish i were that clever.

to do things rationally and tactfully.

i wanted to xxx.

bt i noe i cnt :/

i cnt be so selfish

i need to think of u

and by doing that,

it's beta for me,

to not do anything still ):

Dear Sxxxxxx,

sighs, like i said, i dun need u.

last time, i just felt so bad when i didnt reply u.

but i felt nth when i did that recently.

guess, we're rly over.

i tried to treat u as a beta fren, but..

u kept doing nonsensical things.

not nonsensical actually, but.. now,

no matter wad u did,

i just felt so........ idk how to explain.

i think i'm so used to seeing:

"morning cher eng (: "

"have u eaten ur bf? go eat anything and dun go sch wid an empty stomach. not good for you"

"are you feeling cold now?"

"you have been busying wid spinnovex, sure very tired"

"rest early. good nite"

and aft 30 mins l8r,

"are you asleep? if u heven, go slp now"

or even "i'm still doing my report. sian lo. need to hand it in agn"

and also, i only reply like abt 2 smses out of soooooooo many smses u sent me.

dun u feel anything nor think that sth is amiss? :/

HAHA. standard smses xD

so funny la.

but no matter wad, i'm so used to seeing them and not replying u alr.

thinking back,

i cnt believe that i wanted u sooo much in my life last time,

that my life had always been so depressing :/.

and now, i just want u to get out.

but i'm sure, if u leave me alone, i'll be able to talk to u like a normal frens in time to come.

provided that u dun remain so weird xD

you told me that, you decided to become a changed person cuz of me.

so means if i'm not dere, you wun be a changed person?

BUT.... changed person as in to wad a kind of person?

i doubt u even noe where u went wrong xD

HAHAHA funny ah D:

and, even if i've studied this module b4,

i doubt u need my help in this.

first, i didnt get A.

second, you can always approach your lecturer cos she'd of cos be super super good in this area.

third, tot you always said that you made use of your frens in class?

well, i duno why you used the word "make use". you told me that ppl make use of one another to get beta grades and i went 'huh?'. i duno if u used the wrong word, or if that's your real feelings. but i'm sure, if i were to tell u now, "tot u said that u'd make use of your frens?", you'd go "huh? NO LA. why make use? i nvr say such things". i noe that'd most prob be your reaction cos... i noe you for so long and was so close wid u b4. but u still dun understand me. and like i said in my previous post.. u dun understand me at all. told you b4 that being frens would be beta for us. BUT u continued wid those stupid actions and aft quite a number of days l8r, you told me "actually, i have being thinking. i think that being frens would be good for us". my first thinking was "aint that wad i told u?????" :/ seriously, seriously, u dun understand me. if u do, you'd noe that i dun bear quarrels in mind nor harp over them (though i'd still rmb that quarrels still did exist) and i wun get angry wid anyone for so long. i'd miraculously not get angry wid anyone as fast as 30 mins, provided that he/she dun keep harping on it. but if i still feel angry, it means that that's the last straw alr. and well, i'll be fine the nxt day den or even aft a nap.

anw, that's all for the post tdy. tata

signing off.

):

ha, i wonder why ppl like to jump into conclusion.

actually, me too. and i wondered why too.

i have so many frens.

wad make you think that i'm saying abt u?

but even if i'm rly saying abt u, isn't it time for u to reflect on your own actions to why i say that?

saw fren in the news just now.

my grp work is just beside them xD

so saw sj and wayne's back and mine too xD

hah !

like my frens, we were wondering why our design didnt get interviewed.

cos our design is more of a "new generation" design :P

got compliments too :DD

sighs. gng back to sch everyday

no time to work tdy cos need to do some research.

and, no time to study for nxt wk's test ):

tmr's the handover ceremony and full load testing day !

so that means that i need to go over to test the thing halfway thru the ceremony.

spinnovex is here soon!

and to others, it's the open hse.

finally, my work will be up for display :DD
and my frens will be gng on thu ):

but i wun be gng on thu !!

my shift is only half a day too :x

and i cnt believe it that my sch strts officially nxt wk.

i totally dun have the schooling mood cos i've been gng to sch everyday ):

including sat and sometimes sun.

OH ! THAT REMINDS ME OF STH.

i heven strted my revision on one of the module ):

test'll be on nxt wk ):

sighs sighs

365 post exactly :D

just saw nic's blog.

and it just reminded me that i've forgotten to update my blog on the new yr.

as in, a summary abt 2010.

i think i've a lot a lot to say :)

SCHOOL:

sem gpa dropped on the 3rd yr first sem. but cumu gpa improved :)

had some plans on which course to study on and kinda which uni to aim for.

made new frens-- FYP mates.

impression on them improved and at the same time, deprove :x

irony huh

fyp is finally coming to an end, but not quite yet.

cos dere's still report to work on.

at least, we dun have to chiong our product design and so on anymore

well, i will aim for a super high gpa now.

last sem, last yr, last leap, last hope.

RELATIONSHIP:

it all ended. but i felt so much relieved.

he isn't a gd guy to begin wid.

but no matter wad, at least i've given many, many chances

so i wun regret and say that i didnt give any chance and lament on it.

i noe i didnt do a bad choice by initiating the brkup

but in btwn, i sorta procrastinated doing so

cos first, i dun wanna let it affect our studies esp when mst is nearing.

second, i wanna do a last observation though i noe that a breakup is still inevitable

i dun wanna have a biased view on u. just trying to be fair, actually.

but u kept on irritating me.

but i'm sure i've told u abt those things that i dun like but u still carried on.

so i got angry. and when i got angry, u're unhappy :/ what is this.

PLURKERS:

made new frens like nic, grace, elvin, lonewolf (desmond i think). and had fun chatting wid the plurkers whom i've known for a longer period of time -- tofu, pup, zhane, carmen (but was busy to check our for their plurks xD). ps abt that :x

well, wanna thank elvin for listening to my sorrows.

hope i didnt scare u off or irritate u wid those things .

and chevy isn't in plurk anymore D:

so i seldom talk to him. i hope for an outing soon but at the same time, i'm tired and lazy to initiate an outing

HEALTH:

kinda okay. didnt rly fall sick in 2010.

but wasn't rly feeling well these few days.

and super busy wid sch work. 9am-11pm in sch

if this goes on, sch will become my first home (only during hols).

cos it alr is my first home when it isn't during hols :X

FREN:

(shall aim this to only one ppl.)

i wanna apologise for not making myself clear at times.

i didnt tell this to u, cos i dun wanna make it seem as though i'm finding excuses for myself.

and, i was rly tired to explain anw.

u noe, i rly missed those happy times talking to u.

but aft the first xxxx that time, we kept quarreling frequently.

i was rly rly rly devastated for the first few timesssssss

till i got kinda irritated and.. aft a while, i got numb :/

rly numb. so that's why i told you that i didnt get irritated nor angry but u dun believe.

cos of the way i talk.

yeah i noe. my talking attitude :/

i'm trying to change that. at times, my actions got misunderstood.

it's cos of the way i talk and act :/ i rly didnt mean to, but i'm used to that :X heh.

no worries, i'll change. i need time.

and back to topic. idk why i got angry for the first time that time. (cos the other times were irritated and sad:x )

but tat time,

i just got misunderstood and u kept saying absurd things.

i didnt wanted to continue and yet i was deemed otherwise. it's kinda disappointing :/

i've put myself in ur shoes. i did. but i was too tired to say it out nor make changes.

and if u rly noe me, i'm those types that wun get angry for long.

most likely, i'll be fine within 30 mins.

aft 30 mins, i'd feel sad and guilty for flaring up (if i did) and my attitude.

even if i didnt do anything wrong.

well, that's me :/

but i wun say that only one party is in the fault in an argument.

it could be cos i misunderstood your tone, actions (or so on) and i got upset or angry wid u or vice versa

sometimes, the argument are plain uncalled for and childish :/

it's like they're built up over nth.

i noe there's no pt saying abt this anymore.

cos u wun care and might not see this.

i dun wanna make any approach anymore.

cos i dun wanna hurt u anymore.

i'm aware of the pain inflicted in you ever since we talked agn.

i noe u'll be much happier w/o me in ur life.

at least, dere's lesser argument, lesser quarrellings, lesser disappointment.

i dun wanna say abt this anymore.

cos i wun feel good saying it over and over agn

but it's in my mind.

and i tend to blog out things i feel.

so how not to mention it agn? :/

still, i just feel that u might not be seeing this.

but i wanna wish that u'll be happy and stay that way.

and happy blocking. HAHA ! okok, i'm lame :x

this world is so cruel, so pragmatic.

:/

and....

i think u're talkin abt me.

yes i noe, dere's nth wrong wid that.

cos no one cares.

and like wad u mentioned b4, u dun care.

i duno what's the prob wid me.

kept thinking and thinking abt it.

and kept feeling bad when apparently, nth "big" happened.

or maybe, i'm just being paranoid.

u wun noe what i meant even if u were to see this.

which i doubt that you'll see this anw.

and.. to someone else.

i'm sry.

i shouldn't have let my bad mood affect my working attitude.

i didnt explain to u.

cos, i noe i'm in the wrong.

but, dere's rly a lot of things happened recently.

i rly cnt handle it alone.

no matter how many times tings happened,

i would still feel the same way.

but i cnt and wun do anything this time.

except to... ... *sighs*

no matter wad, i ought to change.

i'm aware of that even if u didnt say.

but at least when u told me,

dere's another "push" for me to improve on that.

and i hope tdy's "surprise" wun come to naught.

it's the first aft 30 answered calls.

and, i rly need to apologize to who it may concern.

dere's always reasons for those things that i've done,

esp my attitude.

i chose to ignore and talk lesser to let things simmer down.

explanations have been done anw.

sometimes, i just felt so tired ...

rly tired.

and sometimes, i rly wonder how i get the extra strength

to go for sch, for work.

okay, not total strength.

sometimes, i just lack the determination and just felt so useless.

sry to say this agn but, i will change and

i will continue, hopefully.

rly hopefully ):

and i noe that no matter wad i say and feel now are useless.

:)

i kept having this empty feeling.

i kept feeling that sth is missing from my life.

but i duno what it is.

someone enlighten me pls :x

These are the pics of the wheelchair :D
cute????
it looks rly small actually :x
and ignore the head in the first pic.
fren was assembling and i'm snapping pics :D
and the seat can elevate as shown in the first pic.





our hard work for 8 months ++ :)