Unexplanable ..

Wad can i do ?

wad else can i wish for other than u being alright?

wad cld be beta??

i feel so awful bt i noe that i cnt drag it on ... ...

am i making the right approach?

am i being selfish?

wad will happen if i go get one now .. hmmm

well, it's half said..

my white lies are back

"are u feeling beta?"

"yesyes i am :)"

"are u alright? wad happened?"

"haha im okay laa :))"

this is the most boring cny ever LOL

as usual, i went to dad's side and stoned...

kept staring at my phone just to reply to whatsapp and smses

luckily ppl came to talk to me

else, i wld be the one spamming alot of ppl to chat wid me

and i actually wanted to jio frens out tmr to study tgt wid me...

anw, plan changed. gng out tmr instead

'nuff said . wad can i do ? ignore?

why was i so affected?

happy cny eve everyone !!

nice .. wad nice lies....

i nvr knew that someone can actually lie about such things.

to make urself seem beta??

have u wondered wad will happen when time comes?

ur lies will be uncovered and make u look so ugly..

thanks for lying to me all along ..

"appreciated" these cos they made me understand u super clearly

am i causing alot of miseries?
i just really duno how i shld react cos i nvr seem to be able to do anything correctly .
oh bother

Whywhywhy am i feeling so weird now . Matrix, r u responsible for this ??????????

This is so irritating . I can do the same question for over 10 times and not being able to get the correct ans . Instead, i got different answers wid each tries . Bravo .....

Some things are beta off as unsaid i guess...
Hurts bt no choice

i think that im a sinner ..

hmm .. :/

Prof said that first yr's gpa isnt impt as second and third yr's AU will b much more. By the fourth year, our gpa will b ard there . I wld agree wid this but i will still wanna strive for a much beta gpa for my second sem ... it seems like alot ppl are getting second upper class. I noe that i can get it too ... maybe a first class is too much to ask for . Im only aiming for a sencond upper. Just wanna up myself for one class ;) i noe i can do it ...

I enjoy being single now cos i dun have to worry abt hurting the one that is impt to me ... nor worry abt him making me tear and hurt and accusing me for the things i do . I dun have to face jealousy that im spending time wid my family and not having time for him . I can solely concentrate on my studies. How great can this get when i dun have to suffer more hurt ? Who noes that THIS could be due to the fact of this incident just like my poly third yr , first sem ??? Nah, not blaming like u wld ....

this is the FIRST time i mugged on the first week of sch and recap what i've learnt for the day itself daily ;)

feels so happy to have accomplished this.

if time permits, i will do the questions in the tb before lecturer starts teaching us about it ..

this rly makes me understand what the lecturer says muchmuchmuch beta :D

and i feel happy that bro clinched a biz deal from my fren ;)

thanks fren !

Lol . Senior said "it is only the first wk of sch and u guys alr mugged till so late" . Lol , i dun rly find it late actually haha . Only leave ntu three hrs later as planned . Guess i will reach home at 10pm today ... poor clothes . Sighs

the first week of sch is barely over and i can feel that time is running real short already :(

wonder why i always wanna fall sick when cny is nearing

sometimes, i rly think alot .

but i'm rly tired to think too much into words

can everyone stop telling me such things?

i just want to really concentrate on my studies

im aiming for a 4.5

and tdy is the first time that i look thru wad i've learnt today in lesson

lemme score real high, pretty pls?

my gpa rly sucks right now.

it sucks to be me but i'm still gonna strive

it rly is different alr lol

zen me ban ... ...

history ... wait . nope . it's history of other ppl ...

i'm rly trying ... but .... just dun wanna think abt it i guess ..

zzzzz

sometimes, i wondered to myself: if i can start my life all over again, how will i choose to do..

i guess, i might still wanna behave in almost the same ways as how i was before except that i need to be more observant and prevent certain unhappiness from occurring. i am actually quite glad for certain things that happened because they made me think..

however, dere are certain things that i feel that i should do instead:

1) be more observant and sensitive during my sec sch times

2) study alot harder in sec sch (but i wouldn't have known my current great friends if i did)

3) study harder in poly

4) to observe xxxx more first because that's a mistake that i wun wanna repeat else we could have been good friends now

5) to make things clear to pingyuan in the beginning and we might still be friends now? but me and his character clash as we always tends to voice out our opinions.. uh well, i still duno what could be better. just hope that u r fine with whatever you are doing now.

blabhblahblah .. cannot remember anything else now

anw, i feel that i should tolerate my brother because he cares for me. i need to be more magnanimous HAHHAA

i feel very touched and happy that he said "you are my sister leh"

just wish that you can be more ji dong though..

most of a time, i wldn't say that anyone is totally correct or wrong ...

cos when u r super angry wid someone that u wldn't want to talk to him or her , do kindly think that u may be in the fault as well ..

sad to say , most of the ppl wun think that they might be in the wrong ..

for wadever reasons, i feel pissed the moment i reached home

1. ALL the windows in the house are closed . hello bro, u r the one at home .. dun u feel suffocated? shldnt u at least open the windows for the living room !? nvm, u nvr do

2. u were sitting at my table .. okok nvm. just wondered why ppl like to sit at my table where dere are obviously no much space dere .. and u just pushed all my things away w/o putting dem back ..

3. after ur meal, u didnt even bother to throw away the plastic bags . issit that difficult to throw !?!?

4. u didnt wash ur utensils ok . nvm agn cos u nvr ever wash anything

5. why didnt u take out the clothes !? it's like , it isn't raining at all ! u dun hang clothes at home when it's not raining rite ... now , they cnt even dry

6. u didnt even flush the toilet . issit that difficult to flush !? i feel like vomiting the moment i see the toilet bowl -.-

7. and u were like using ur comp and watching the tv . it's obviously that u aren't concentrating on any shows . can u kindly at least off the tv ? our utility bills are getting super high for goodness sake

argh ... this list can actually go on and on and on . why cnt u be zi dong abit ...

things drop and u throw ur temper which in the end, me and mum clear up UR mess .

i always nid to help u to do ur things ... cnt u be more independent in certain things ? at least, open the door urself okay , big baby ?

looking at how superficial and the way u act, im became more and more glad that i'm born in a not so well-to-do family.

reason is because, i do not want to be like u,

so bad tempered,

superficial,

critical.

and u rly have a weird thinking

uh well , glad that i made the decision as well :)

merry xmas everyone :D

Everything is still the same . Nth has changed . Ive been so naive

wad kind of a 'truth or dare' is that ytd !?

HAHAHA

all seem to aim the questions to me and him x.x

sighsss

what is the meaning of life?

life has no meaning

LOL

seriously, i hate it when my mind experiences flashback when i noe that im over it alr ..

seeing fren's flyer's, uss's pic rly make me think back .

though i noe that the feeling is getting lesser , i cnt help me feeling so moodless over it ..

wei shen me :(

seriously, i still duno if i shld feel happy or sad .

i want to be happy abt my results but feel that most of my frens score way beta than me

i cnt be complacent .

i nid to try to hit second upper class nxt time round .

but i 力不重心...

i hope that u will take in those words and rly think abt it ..

it's for ur own good ..

i received this rude phone call just now and the conv goes like this

telemarketer: hello, this is calling from wendy's company to xxxxxx (cnt rly hear clearly)

me: uh huh, okay ..

telemarketer: by the way, are u still a student or working ?

me: student.

telemarketer: ok bye

with that, she just put down the phone abruptly

me: ???? huh ?

wad a rude way to end the conv. u can always say "den that's okay . thank you , goodbye"

at least that's wad i'd say

me: i dreamt that i failed my lab . i got grades like 2.5, 3, 2 out of 10 for all the reports .

mum: if u dream that u fail , u wun fail . this means that u will pass

me: oh , possible . cos lab is impossible to fail . but i only dreamt that i failed one . so means that im gonna pass this and fail the others ?

i had failed all my tests for cprog terribly and tot that i'd need to dabao this mod .

but thank goodness that i didnt fail nor get a grade of C or lesser :D

hmmm ... weird weird weird weird weird weird weird weird weird weird weird weird weird ! :(

nvm . forget abt it

misrep:

-fraudulent

-negligence

-innocence

out of these three, i love to explain the last one --innocence

cos it's simple to explain

i just nid two words "just blur" HAHAH (Y) rite !

i rmb explaining this chap of bus law to cheryl and when i explain innocence ,

paperfish pointed her fingers at me , saying "ya . just blur like her" HAHAH

haix . one more day :(

it's getting so confusing now .

i think i shld just forget abt it

sometimes, treating someone nice isn't equivalent to the monetary rewards that u're giving her .

u can be deemed as ill-treating someone even if u r giving her rewards at the same time unless im talking abt some materialistic person here .

not everyone treats maternal objects as everything and the only things in the world .

i suddenly wanna celebrate xmas :)

not rly celebrate but just to go out ..

:D

Wanted to slp at 10 pm ytd but as i shut down my comp , the tv aired "incredible tales". Intended to slp aft show ended but fren delayed my slping time for abt 50 mins x.x

why am i so lazy :(

i suddenly browsed thru the pics and miss the past .

merry xmas everyone :P

i like helping my frens .

but sometimes , i wondered if im too busybody .

cos i will auto hlp before they even request for it .

(not all the times though . i'd be oblivious to dem most of the times :/ )

Had plurkers' outing ytd :D

went to tanjong for our sakae outing .

had ard 10+ ppl gng initially but ended up only 5 of us turned up .

but we still had loads of laughter and i laughed till i cried :X

and vincent kept wanting to tk my pic ! LOL

he didnt succeed but i did ~ :P

took one pic wid tofu . in the toilet HAHHA
and pup said that this is piception . LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsPFU5KevQM

LOL ! this is ultra cute la ! i kept watching it over and over agn and finds the blue's back hook to be so cute xD

imagine me doing this during my sparring D:

im so gonna be kicked till i fly out HAHA .

The little boy is very cute rite ! HAHA

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=singlish&oq=singlish&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=1103742l1103921l0l1104160l2l2l0l0l0l0l142l142l0.1l1l0

found these in youtube . haha

i blurted two names accidentally T.T

luckily one name is a super common one and is the same as one of the ppl out for the outing .

*phew*

i think i have said the wrong words T.T

beta to siammmmmmm D:

idk if ur that sentence is saying abt me .

but if u r , den i am v disappointed in u .

i've been doing so much and yet u still say this .

if i heven treated it seriously , i wldn't have teared so much and tried so much to salvage ..

utterly disappointed .

i got so happy seeing my close frens that i kept blabbering ..

i nid to stop talking so much .

i wonder why my shyness is back agn ..

i tend to shun away / avoid direct eye contact even when im talking to dem .

i noe it's rude but i cnt help it .

cos i think i will blush .

this happens even wid my neighbour ytd :/

i hope she dun think that im being rude :/

but that kind of feeling fade away aft awhile .

i rmb that i only have this type of reaction when i see online frens for the first time (though that's soooo long ago alr)

haix . why is this so

now i noe why my phone batt depletes so fast when im outside and not at home ...

:/

i made such a blunder today .

my fren is still in korea and i tot that he is joining us today .

i smsed him and wondered why he didnt reply .

so i smsed my another fren saying "aaron miaed :("

HAHAHAH .

omt . i only realized this blunder when i met up wid my another frens .

oops sorry :x

anw , paperfish was saying "you kept singing non stop sia . ur mouth has nvr stopped moving"

HAHAH i noe ! im this enthu when it comes to singing esp songs that i noe xD HAHAHAH .

too bad that i didnt get to sing fish leong's and angela's songs :(

天下无不散之筵席 :(

sshhhh . be quiet

questions ...

but nvm , 心静自然忘

im just one confused person ...

i dreamt that i put this into the refrigerator ._.

i have no idea why i prefer charging phone in sp than in ntu :X

!!!!

LOL

had my fillet !! so happy :D:D:D

i want my fav fillet :D

i can remember the first days i met a few ppl :)

memorable .

like i told paperfish previously , i can still rmb my first impression of love .

i used to yearn for it and think that it's like most fairy tales.

how flawless where boys and gals just like each other and be happily ever after together .

or it can even be like those romance show (which i used to be so obsessed in my sec sch life) where quarrels and misunderstandings happen and yet they still can stand strong together .

but aft experiencing it for myself ,

i felt that it isn't sth big deal anymore .

human yearn for love , it's true perhaps .

but only give it to the right person who deserve it , right ? :D

HAHAH

i may call dem experience or memories ..

but the most impt word to describe dem is "lesson"

aww man ! this is so cute :D

angry bird :D

paperfish wants to see me be tgt wid u .

lol weird , isn't it ?

but , i will still keep mum and smile if u guys continue that topic ...

at times , i felt as if im rly a bad person

though im rly okay to ppl joining my clique , i just felt weird and have a tinge hope that they dun

it's not that i dun want dem to join or me making new frens .

it's just that im afraid that my clique will become too big that i'll be so easily forgotten ...

SM: i took part in the national team !

us: waa ! nice :)

SM: and i got fourth

us: woah so pro !

SM: wait wait . dun get happy too fast . dere are only four participating teams

us: HAHAHA

actually , while i was walking that path home , i recalled certain things .

accompanied by emo songs , i almost became sad .

it's till den i told myself "no use lamenting over it . no pt since he didnt even care abt it , abt u . u shld just smile :)"

with that in mind , i rly smiled and walked happily home :)

and ya , i was just reminded of the conv wid me and paperfish .

she was like telling me that she used to not being able to control her temper .

den i told her that if ppl scold me , i will just listen unless i find it absurd or rly cnt take it den i'd say sth back . and i'd normally just forget abt it the next day.

she laughed and said "ya . i always scold u one. " HAHAH

she was like saying that jx always chided her for scolding me . HAHA .

actually , i just treat all her words as jokes . LOL !

not offended but even if i did , i'd have forgotten abt dem :X

Went out wid paperfish tdy xD we spent a total of $100+ x.x haha omt . Im rly broke alr ... ended up spending 40 mins walk home . But truth is , i dun mind accompanying her . My uni period is the first time that made me be so on . Id normally reject any last min outings and most outings even if they aint last min ones .

Amd she is v funny , she appeared to be super happy when she knew the ans . She just asked "he is not good rite?" . I was shocked cos i didnt tell her anything HAHA . I only told like less than five ppl . :x perhaps she heard that frm someone else .

lol . everyone's asking me that same question .

is that question v interesting to u guys ? LOL !

but well , if any of the parties were to block/delete the other party , i'd find it childish (unless harassment) .

hey , u guys can still be friends, isn't it ?

my fren best sia .

when i told him that im at cia , he asked me one question "you know how to get hm?"

HAHAHA . thanks ah .

now im kinda well known for losing my way

wanted to send frens back to the mrt station and they ended up sending me bak to the bus stop for fear of me losing my way T.T

HAHAHAH

i need an insurance for getting lost :x

i was "hiding" under the shade cos i noe that i'd have terrible sunburn if i were to go under the sun ..

but my face hurts now T.T

haix ... im the only one hiding under the shade

luckily i wore long pants . lol !

and now , my hands are super black :(

i had ultra bad sun burn before .

shld have applied sun block :(

i doubt there will be for the time being

if there is any , i'll curb it

it has been a few days alr . guess i need a week ?

wait . that may not be the case ...

i think i nid a shorter period than that . :)

random happy chats and outings are indeed making me feel beta

gonna reach vivo tmr at 9.50am

that's early , isn't it ?

need to go buy drinks and food tgt wid fren

managed to drag one along to help carry the stuff and my fren managed to cling to another fren of ours to help out too .

gng out tmr , wed and thu .

i want to go kbox agn !!

wed wld only be to learn driving ...

and fren just asked me out on thu ..

butbutbut , i nid to get bak to my books soon .

maybe fri or this wkend ...

before that , i'd need to finish up the storybook that i just borrowed and the vids that i've dled quite some time ago .

i need like a few days to finish watching dem T.T

dere goes my plan to sleep early !

wad do i want ???
sad to say , i've no idea abt it myself

I want to be alone but yet i dun want to be alone . Contradicting ?

im like adding more and more ppl into my "unrecoverable" and "missing" list ...

i shld stop doing dem .

how i wish i can just press the 'delete' button to remove dem

AX,

vivo csc,

couple lab,

...

...

...

...

HAHA .

i shldnt be so selfish and inconsiderate to wake nor disturb anyone up from their slp ...

and i wun do it unless ...... idk ....

i shldnt have cared abt anything

i shldnt have tried

i shld have been so sentimental

i kept recalling abt certain ppl who have left me , now and den

sometimes , i wondered how are u doing esp when my bro mentioned abt u ytd .

hope that ur hand is still fine

sadly to say , i think i shldnt msg u anymore cos u always say random things . lol ! and i dun think that i'll be gng for the outing at the end of this mth .

had kbox ytd .

it was quite fun

bro and my fren clicked :)

and they did pattern outside HAHA .

i felt so ps but luckily no one was ard dere.

been soooooo long since i last saw u .

it's a nice feeling .

that's the first time i stood up and sing .

and first time see ppl dance AND first time hear ppl sing until so loud HAHHA

speaking of "first time" , i gave my sch alot of "first time" T.T

ever since i entered this sch , it's the first time that:

i studied in sch as late as 10pm

i met up wid frens just to study

i dun mind travelling so far like to sp to revise my work

i went out wid frens for movie or enjoyment aft exams

i feared exams

i dun wanna look at my results

i cnt fall asleep at nite due to exam stress

i miss poly life soooo much !

i think that i will dabao module

i dun even think i can get C for my modules

i think that my highest grade wld be my lowest grade in poly -- c+

i think of mugging during sch hols before my sem starts

i keep gng out wid my clique

i feel a sense of belonging to my study clique

i feel so sad gng to sch

i looked alotalotalot forward to the end of exams

i kept thinking of enjoyment before the last paper

okay . i shall stop HAHA

cos i think that this list is endless .

i rly dun feel well recently .

kept dun wanna slp at nite though im so tired .

i wish that i can drink a potion to forget everything

but if dere rly is such a drink , i might not drink it

i believe that every single incident has its value or meaning

that i can learn from it and grow up .

i rly hope that u can reflect on ur own actions . pls dun bring anymore ppl into ur pool of misery . tyvm :)

i kept wanting companion recently .

that is bad ...

:)

i just realized sth ironic .

the more depressed i feel , the more easier i laugh or be crazy ....

isn't that ironic ?

i guess that it is :)

i rly dun want to leave it hanging dere .... ... though i noe that i will still feel hurt

im okay if u choose to ignore my msg last time .

but pls , dun ignore the one that i just sent .

i have the tendency to appear and talk normally wid anyone but ... ... .. .

when it's sch / exam time , i longed to have my hol !

but when my hol is here , i have nth to do .

maybe i have but i'm so bored .

maybe i will rest till sunday and mug abit aft monday hahahaa

seriously , i think gng to k is the best in making me happy !!

but too bad , dere isn't any slot ytd T.T

HAHA . else i'd be ultra happy ..

haix , who wanna go wid me ? :x lol !

i want to say it but i didnt want to initiate any chats first anymore .

but i noe that if i dun , we will be dragging this for at least 1 - 2 wks .

wad shld i be doing ?

fren kept telling me to ignore but i felt that i rly nid to say it BUT i dun wanna sms u first though . lol