i feel ultra terrible now ... all those past negative thinking that i used to have are back... im better off gone...

life is never the same, never will be the same and has been the same..
havent gone to my blog for so long. saw a comforting message when i went in. thanks for the shoutout in my tag board. :)

This feeling sucks big time. Thats the reason why i hated to be home. Id rather go out daily even if im tired... cause i feel more tired staying at home.. i dont feel any care from u. U just got so petty. Any little thing can make u ignore me or even give me attitude. This made me irritated but i dont care abt it at times. No matter if i got irritated or not , i just got scolded or given attitude. Whats the point of staying here... u still dont see it , do u ? This happened since sec sch. Im rly tired. U nvr do this to bro and i dont see how my temper is worse than his. Im so tired...

sometimes, i really wonder why u r so petty. im already feeling so tired with all the drama outside and yet u never fail to add on to them. argh

Thank you so much. I appreciate it. :)

I feel so demoralized and...upset....

Never would i thought that my uni life would be so sucky. Initially when there was only me and my lab partner , i wouldnt need to hear all those complains from someone . There was no one trying to make her problems, mine. Though my lab partner has his shortcomings , at least he isnt scheming. Life was good with occasional clique outing. We spent our bday celebrations together. Life ....was good.

After the first sem, me and someone else noticed the bad behaviour of a certain person. We were upset and angry. But , that didnt lasted long. How can i even get angry with my friend for so long ?

It was after someone ran away that the mini clique fell apart. Someone tried to come closer to me. She succeeded because my lab partner practically heck care EVERYTHING. If only waiyu accepted the offer of this course. Sigh.. but.. i refrained from telling her everything because some part of me knew that she isnt at all reliable. She leaked out one secret that she forced out of me. Thats so sly. I hate it. She claimed that someone else was scheming. Yes , she may be slightly scheming but you won in your schemes. I dont even feel like facing you. I couldnt face you. I cant bring myself to. But sometimes when i saw u, i felt bad for ignoring you and tried to treat you nicely. Sometimes , it sucks to be me. I got all softhearted in front of my friends. But what about u ? You just fished out info from people around me. Thats the diff between us. And thats why , we cant be best friends. Not even close now.

I want to ignore everything. I want to be happy. But i cant be if i dont have my once-happy clique with me. I cant bring them together if they dont want to. I dont even feel like doing so. Im tired of trying. I just want to graduate. I want to work towards my goals even if that means taking up a part time degree. I will. But not yet. I have two upcoming papera. Focus on the present. Plan for the future. Ignore the past yet let it make me a better person.

Im so upset... it feels like a broken promise...

My eyes hurt... my head hurts... everything hurts. The inital pain somehow dont hurt as much..

This prob has been troubling me for years... i feel pain almost daily... i find it hard for me to even tell anyone except the doctor. But when i said it out , i can only cry like an idiot. I feel so weak.. so vulnerable... i shldnt have said anything ...

I feel so sad... im alr feeling so much pain and yet u r still kidding. It just made things so much worse. My heart ache.. feeling pain n hurt inside out..

so tired of people's fascade. but i should be glad that im able to see through them. well, im ignoring those negative traits

I feel so devastated ... so deprived of chances, hope, advices... and yet , when i saw ur reply , i felt worse. Felt more confused , more terrible..

I accept the outcome but i just want to KNOW why. Is that so difficult -.-

I cant sleep... felt so sad hearing those tone...... sigh...... i feel so...

i really want to get in but the chance seems so slim now. I am still holding on to a glimmer of hope. My heart hurt and sank whenever i saw a gleam from someone's face when i said about the news. sighs. why are u such an evil person

sigh. someone was irritated with me earlier on today :(:(:(

haix, how are students supposed to know where and when to get the self source form when the CAO didnt tell us anything ? I only decided to look thru my sso when senior told me that the list of companies come out from sso. I went in like 2 mths ago and the things inside werent updated. The dates were said to be incorrect and the list of companies werent out yet. Worse still is , when i wanted to view at the list of companies, it told me that i can only view the list during september 2013. 2013???? which year is it now ?

After i finally thought that i have downloaded the correct forms and wanted to ask CAO for confirmation, they gave me sucky attitude. sigh. If i'm no longer a student there, i might complain about them so that they would give the future students better attitude or have a change in the supervisor. Seriously? what kind of a attitude is that ?! students came to u for help just because they werent sure of what to do. you didnt tell us anything and expect us to know them by magic? but anw, i felt that complaining dont even help. id rather focus on more important things so long as im able to finish my work and process of internship findings.

me: I tot u told W to apply for the open house?
z: ya i did but she kept waiting and dragging the application so in the end, the spaces are all filled. Not like us. so kiasu. apply so quickly
me thinking *since when doing sth quick is called kiasu? whats wrong with doing one's job or application on time?* zzzzz

if you want to lend someone something, you would have messaged or liaised with the person on a meetup or convenient timing to pass the thing right ? But u didnt reply my message. you were the one who asked if i need to cd. i said that i need it for my presentation and you told me to remind u . but if u really want to lend someone something, would u forget about it ? nvm, fine. i reminded u the next day morning but u told me that u were alr out of the house and forgot to bring it along. fine . i asked if u were free on monday to meet up but u didnt reply me. I had to message u on monday then u told me to meet u at lakeside mrt. Called u before i left my sch then u told me that you are holding on to a dvd and isnt sure if it will work. i dont want to take any risk during my day of presentation so i just forgo the thought of borrowing the cd from u. It was until tuesday that i got to know that u told someone to pass me the message to meet u at lakeside. WHY CANT U MESSAGE ME URSELF?! why do u need to go thru another person? HOW IRRESPONSIBLE. AND I DIDNT EVEN GET ANY MESSAGE TILL I CALLED U MYSELF. you could have just tell me that u dont want to lend me the cd or is lazy to message me and i will NOT borrow the cd from you. I can always sing acapella. I DONT NEED YOUR HELP IF YOU WERENT SINCERE ABOUT IT. just tell me and i can always stop asking .