initially , i tot that my hol this time round wld be chionging my driving , sch work, working and gng out .

but now , i think i'd only be chionging my sch work , gng to driving (not chionging alr cos the earlier tp is during feb :/)

idk how am i gng to get my licence in this way ..

and as for gng out , i think i'll be asking for frens to intro me volunteer work .

had been wanting to do dem but just lazy to find :x HAHA

and finally after much procrastinating (partially due to being busy in work previously), i didnt go for any :/ sighs guilty .

as for working , dere isnt a nid for it anymore .

and lastly, i dun think that anyone wants to go out wid me . so forget it HAHAHAHA okok i'm just joking .

paperfish said that nvr stop smiling cos u duno who is in love wid ur smile . but wad if i think that everyone dun like my smile ? HAHA den shall i stop smiling? :X

i noe where i stand ..

do i look so depressed to u ?

lol !

why did u tell me to cry out instead of laughing ....

hahah

i seriously dun unds why u r so childish ...

now i noe where i rly stand ..

so , stop self deceiving ...

it actually can hurt though i dun think that i can feel it anw

whenever i change my phone's ringtone , i had a hard time trying to recall the ringtone thereafter ...

cos the reason is simple .

lol

Sometimes , i rly find it tiring to love or like anyone ... ... it is like when u finally like someone , he will leave u . And when u finally think of making up ur mind , sth that ___ do will just hinder me in my decision . Who knows that i may stop liking totally one day ...
sometimes , i rly hate myself for changing my mind ... But , the reason is v simple . It is just that i became softhearted and felt that maybe i shld give it one more try . Or maybe i shld put in effort agn . Maybe that is good . Cos trying makes me give up . And giving up makes me more determined to stay on wid my decision . I rly wonder why i feel so happy seeing that sentence or a word , rather . Maybe it is cos that is the decision that has always been in my mind and yet i didnt wanna ack it . Perhaps . But truth is , i rly feel motivated now ...

Sadly , it is not a motivation to study . I still study but , i rly have this feeling that i wun even score at least a C for all my mods . So my gpa at the end of the day will b ultra cui . "Nice" job loh . Sighs .

thanks sir , u always have to affect my mood :)

yay . forget abt it :)

yeah ! i'm fine :)

like real ._.

this is so ironic ...

when i'm so in need of ppl, only my frens are here to keep my companion .

not even my bf is ard to console, encourage nor chat wid me .

worst still is , dere's not even a single msg ...

thanks so much man

rly thanks for treating me as invisible

I have sth to confess !! My mood swing is super scary recently . I go crazy and laughed tgt wid my frens but when im alone , i suddenly feel like crying though i tried real hard to curb it . At that moment , i kept thinking of u and my studies n went sad . When i see happy funny msges aft awhile later , i suddenly wanna laugh and suddenly tot of my frens and wanna laugh in the train . This is too much of a mood swing rite ??? I noe T.T wad on earth is wrong wid u ???? Omt

i cnt believe that mum's actually so petty ..

i was listening to music using ear piece and revising my work .

and she kept talking to me ...

i didnt notice that cos my music can kinda cover some bg noises ..

she got unhappy and said that i always nvr reply her ...

i rmb that i did tell her at times that i was listening to music and will most prob not be able to hear her ..

maybe i shld tell her everytime i listen to the music which wld be everyday ...

but that'd be too tiring .

that's one of the reason why i go out to study ... it's cos of this and cos hse is too comfy ..

and she's oso part of the reason to why i have to listen to music ...

why am i so useless ?

it's okay . i shall feel beta when i wk up

does ur sentence means that i'm hindering u in ur work ?

i might be ..

but if that is the case, why did u go aft me in the first place ?

and starting to talk lesser and lesser to me aft treating me so nice .

i unds that u r busy so i've nvr complained that u r busy .

nvr demand u to spend more time wid me

i tried to understand and even put myself in ur shoe to noe why ur thinking is so weird

but as usual, i'm not able to noe the reason why :)

aft trying so much , all i get was "you should understand that i was busy and tired."

it's precisely that i noe that u r busy and tired that i replied "maybe u tell them that u r busy ?" to "friend wanted to play mj after sch zz"

and once agn , wad i got was sth super not expected .

"not everything can be pushed off as and when u like"

i ignored that msg wid sth else but u came bak to argue wid me abt this thing

u said "do you know that how long i've nvr meet my friends ? i have been so busy to meet them"

i was thinking " wad ? i was just suggesting cos ur sentence sounded as if u r unwilling to meet dem" .

it was later that u told me that u were tired .

and it set me thinking agn . if u r tired , den just reject the outing .

else, just go for it and not sound so sian here ...

it's just a small case and we both tot of each other's thinking differently ...

dere is no pt arguing abt this ...

and i was shocked to see ur long long msg ...

sad to say , u only type long msg while arguing wid me

i seriously had a shock cos i didnt expect u to type such a long msg .

and when the heated conv ended, u replied wid this standard msg "you always have ur reason for ur actions. do not reply"

obviously i have my reasons for my actions rite ._.

if u put urself in my shoes, u MAY (or may not) noe that i was actually worried abt u when u said that u have mj session . cos the things that i tot were "omg . agn ? will u be more tired ? will u reach home v late agn ? u'll sure have lesser time to rest . i'd rather u to tk this time to rest and maybe meet dem nxt wk or wad since they r ur coursemate"

i nvr knew that such intention of mine wld be deemed as me trying to tell u to push off the outing .

everything's changed . i no longer have any expectation alr, i guess . or at least, not as much . i've expected for the worse . it's either i cnt tk it and pop that question or u be the one doing the 'bad guy' .

Went to sp to study tdy agn :)

so happy to have found ard 2 study buddies :D

i'm a happy gal tdy :)

was initially tired and super lethargic to study during the afternoon tdy ..

fren saw my sian face and told me to go buy coffee

i bought and instantly felt happy .

endorphin i guess xD

anw , opted for western food tdy .

fren's portion of chicken cutlet is suppppeeeerrrr HUGE . super worth the price of $3.50

highly recommended for someone who's hungry :)

i had grilled fish and added rice as my side dish . was hungry so i just ordered rice .

and i ended up not being able to finish it . HAHAH

started to "shape" the leftover and *oops* sry ! HAHAHA . i seldom play wid food :x

idk why i did that too . maybe it's cos i was too bored while waiting for fren to finish food x.x

used fren's phone to tk pic HAHAHA . idk why it's yellowish ! maybe it's cos of the light above me :x

aft that , told my another fren that i chose rice as side dish and the first thing she said was "wad !? rice ? u cnt even finish it w/o rice and u chose rice "

HAHA i cnt even rmb that i cnt finish my food la ! cos im normally able to finish it :)

anw , thanks for rmbing :D

why am i feeling so insecure ?

i kept feeling that everyone do not want to talk to me ...

:(

lol .

bravo ,cher eng

HAHA

i see this agn ! :))

"

‎9966699999966699999966699966669996699999996699666996699

9966999999996999999996666996699666699666996699666996699

9966699999999999999966666699996666699666996699666996699

9966666999999999999666666669966666699666996699666996699

9966666669999999966666666669966666699666996699666996699

9966666666699996666666666669966666699666996699666996666

9966666666669966666666666669966666699999996699999996699

"

U said that i kept talking to myself in twitter n not to u . So shall i say that u only reply to ur frens and not to me unless i replied to urs ??:)

sometimes , i feel that the more ppl noe abt me , the more they may dislike me

so it's either that i BITE or that u stay away from me ...

beware , everyone HAHA

i nid a GC and now it isn't functioning that well :(

haix .

anyone have any idea on where i can repair it or buy a second hand for abt 50 bucks (the same price as i bought my current one) ?

:(

sighs ...

i nid it for my exams .

i nid it badly ...... .......

oh god

"your heart is the most powerful organ. It breaks, heals and becomes stronger again."

will mine heal ? maybe it will .. and i hope that it will

:)

nvm .. cher eng , u can do it de ..

must persevere ...

my faith in myself may be dwindling but i need to add more oil ...

i must face all accusations bravely .

and oso , exams are coming .

i must study hard

i cnt promise myself of acing but at least , i dun wanna let myself regret by not studying hard .

maybe i'll be used to sarcastic statements, accusations and all sort of nonsense and handle dem wid a smile nxt time .

or maybe i shld learn to be immune wid myself first so that i wun get angry wid myself , like ytd ...

sorry fortune teller for letting u down .

i guess that i'm always so slow that i nid the second time to see things clearly .

i have a bad feeling now .

am i being selfish ?

cos i dun want anyone to leave me right now .

these includes those ppl that i've been talking to .

those that i study tgt wid

the only few ppl that i confide in

and the one that i rly rly rly confide so much in

pls dun deny me of this wish ...

dear blog ,

why is that so ? could it be the words that i used ?

do u noe that i have a shock ? a bigbig shock . pls gimme a warning before that happens, okay ?

maybe i still can feel a tinge of something . or maybe im just trying my last best effort to let myself not be unfeeling . i dun want to ..

:(

from ,

sadded me

why are things the way they are now ?

i dun deny that having misunderstandings are inevitable but , i always believe that aft clearing things up or doing explanation will be fine .. isn't it ?

or am i too naive to think that this is the way out ?

i normally tend to not explain things the way that i'm rly thinking

i dislike being misunderstood so i tried explaining .

nvm .. no pt saying over here ...

seeya , blog

Why did i try explaining so much .... cnt unds why

can i stop caring as much ?

as much as i want to do so , i noe that i'm not able to accomplish that .

like wad i've told rahman , i think that it rly is 2 ...

haix .

okay , i'm fine le .

i guess that i just nid to isolate myself for awhile

i think that it's a total of 5 posts this time round :x

i'm pretty sure that u wun see but this , happy bday py :)

Yes , everything is me ... everything me jiu dui le rite . Ur words dun match ur actions . Nvm . Just blame me if u feel beta . Though i might nt feel good as a result

It is okay . I shall not do any asking this wk le . Since i always do most of the initiative and asking and suggesting . In the end , i got more blamings and complains . I shall let it be le . No pt . Seriously .

Im wondering if u r actually blaming me .

Hi blog ,
I feel so weird nw . I noe it is normal for me to feel this way but i always cnt decipjer the feeling or why i feel this way :/ hhmmmmm . im crazy le .... aiyo

It has been such a long time since i last uploaded a pic in my blog .. i'm so sorry , blog :)

i love u , blog :):) love u so much for being here for me when i needed someone to talk to ..

i will cherish u , dun wry ...

anw , i'm loving the night now .

not that i'm gng for clubbing like anyone else but , just cos that my study mood is back , strong .

listening to some music thru earpiece again and trying to study , at least do a few questions now ..

i may be tired but im not so tired that i nid slp badly nw :))

nid to cherish this study mood and at least do a few questions .

i truly hope that i can accomplish this small task set by myself .

all th best !

c++ results aint out aft 3 wks .. wad could cause the delay ? i rly hope that nth goes wrong .

omt . the guilt is kicking in AGAIN . T.T

and idk why my plurks dun show those smses to sgbeat.

twitter works fine

i went to chk the website and removed plurk acc and put it back agn but to no avail . :(

i nid someone to scold me , i guess .

cos all the sadness seem to be stuck inside me and yet i cnt feel dem ...

i cnt feel anything .

i cnt feel happiness , sadness ...

i can only feel agony towards myself ...

and i'm so pathetic ...

i seem to be losing myself ...

i nid to zhen zhuo ..

i'm trying ...

u said it from YOUR pt and i told u from MY pt so that u noe that it is not as simple as ABC

it is okay .

i will just SHUT UP -.-

i will say nth ...

fair enough ?

i'm forever wrong to just say anything else ..

i am forever wrong.

i need to SHUT UP ..

happy ?

u have no idea .

dear blog ..

dear blog !!

dear blog :)

dear blog :(

haix :(

bye blog ...

byebyebyebyebye

why issit that i find everything scary and weird now ..

people, issues , past, present

i feel myself in an irony now ...

i nid distractions but i cnt afford to be distracted and i'm here distracting myself by blogging ..

haha . "bravo" , cher eng ....

good job :)

i shldnt be feeling anything ...

thinking positively , it might be sth good ...

thinking negatively, more sadness might come along agn

hi blog ,

u have 555 posts and 14555 views in total

i knew it . i forgot to watch the recorded lectures ..

and i actually forgot that i've blogged abt gng to listen to the lecture and deleted it ...

lol.

i had been procrastinating ...... i nid to start hearing the recorded lectures asap !

was too focused in doing my phy tb questions alr .

HAHA i just nid reminders ...

guess that i nid reminders in almost everything i do or think ...

alamak

*smackshead*

maybe i shall commence it at 9pm .

(hopefully that i wun forget) ....

off to do my chapter 11 now :))

hi blog

bye blog