ytd was really a terrible night. initially, i was thinking if i should stay up for the night to see my results but was afraid that i might end up like the previous sem-- all sad and have no mood to sleep u[on seeing my poor results. thus, i tried to sleep but could not sleep at all. i laid there for two hours and more, feeling sadder and sadder... i really dont unds how can i make my mum angry that she gave me the cold shoulder. how could i do anything to agitate her when i go out early and reach home later than her recently. and if i reach home early, i tried to help out with the housework but the clothes weren't dry due to the heavy downpour recently.. i refrained from crying but could not stop the tears from flowing... i know i'm weak but i was really really really really devastated. over all the years, it seems as though im the only one getting the cold shoulder. i do understand that you are having bad mood from ur work but..... why me? why is it always me? what did i do? my stomach growled and i need food desperately...just to cheer me up. i opened up the titbit that i bought the other day and ate half of it but my mood just remained as sad... and someone is asleep.. there's no one to talk to.... i really felt very very very sad. only way to make me sleep was to on my mp3... i really cant imagine how i am going to sleep if my mp3 was spoiled... at the very next day, i on my comp and saw ppl's fb updates saying that their results improved. only then did i pluck up courage to check my results. expectation: qm: b-, solids: b-, thermal: b, complex: b, lab: B+. results: qm: b, solids:b+, thermal:b+, complex:b+, lab:b+. the only correct expectation was lab. this made me recall that i wished the previous night to not have any mod that has a score of b-. i even thought to myself "i won't be greedy. just no b- and the rest b but just give me one b+ cause i need my results to improve." my cgpa did improve but i wasnt happy at all... and after that, i proceeded to go work. while in the train, u asked me what happened. i was happy that u asked but when i was typing the incident, my tears just flowed and i felt so terrible... i didnt want anyone to see me crying so i didnt continue typing... well, i just cried again... so useless. :/

why is everyone so busy...... :( :( :( :( :(

i need someone beside me right now, badly.... sighs...

had been shopping for alot of things during tis hols. handbag, school bag, working shoes, wallet, clothings. these things easily cost alot of money :/ ohh noo hahahah

am i being sensitive? i actually get quite puzzled by people's reply easily. eg: me: i work as attraction ambassdor. we are like ambassdor that tries to attract people to our attraction like those ambassdor in uss. S: is it like tour guide? me: tour guide and attraction ambassdor are different S: ya i know that they are different. i do not quite get your job (if you know that they are different, why mention it? i'd rather you ask me specifically what we have to do while working. ) the next one is like G asking S if he will be free for movie the next day. Z replied saying that S would need to work the next day but G went to tell another friend of ours, J to reply to the whatsapp group just to ask again if S will be free tomorrow. i tot Z just said that he cannot make it? am i being too sensitive or wad? why do i find these replies weird and got affected by dem? what is wrong with me? :/

why didnt i hear such words when we were tgt? it's quite absurd when we broke up and didnt really contact. i knew all along that u misunderstood my reason for breakup even though i explained it clearly to u (maybe not clear enough for you to unds). you said that we will be better together. i actually do not really understand this sentence. we all along have the communication problem. with this problem hanging around, not solved or even trying to have it solved, how can i actually have faith when you wanted to be together again? wouldn't you find it weird when u seldom talked to this person and he suddenly messaged you, telling you all these when he didnt even mention nor try to do anything after and during the relationship? if it were me when we were tgt, i'd definitely be very disappointed. i see no point it in right now as my thinking slowly changed. my attitude changed unknowingly too. i unknowingly treat someone coldly or not as nice if given the same treatment though i will still tend to care for that party at times. i will definitely cherish those people who makes me feel loved. those that didn't give up on me and is constantly trying to win my heart. those who used their actions to actually convey their message rather than all talk and no actions.

i really wonder if it is due to lack of sleep or that i've always tolerated those nonsense that i felt irritated when you say me. or is it just me having a bad temper ? i dun wanna be easily irritated when people say abt me.. it seems soo petty. sighs