i feel ultra terrible now ... all those past negative thinking that i used to have are back... im better off gone...

life is never the same, never will be the same and has been the same..
havent gone to my blog for so long. saw a comforting message when i went in. thanks for the shoutout in my tag board. :)

This feeling sucks big time. Thats the reason why i hated to be home. Id rather go out daily even if im tired... cause i feel more tired staying at home.. i dont feel any care from u. U just got so petty. Any little thing can make u ignore me or even give me attitude. This made me irritated but i dont care abt it at times. No matter if i got irritated or not , i just got scolded or given attitude. Whats the point of staying here... u still dont see it , do u ? This happened since sec sch. Im rly tired. U nvr do this to bro and i dont see how my temper is worse than his. Im so tired...

sometimes, i really wonder why u r so petty. im already feeling so tired with all the drama outside and yet u never fail to add on to them. argh

Thank you so much. I appreciate it. :)

I feel so demoralized and...upset....

Never would i thought that my uni life would be so sucky. Initially when there was only me and my lab partner , i wouldnt need to hear all those complains from someone . There was no one trying to make her problems, mine. Though my lab partner has his shortcomings , at least he isnt scheming. Life was good with occasional clique outing. We spent our bday celebrations together. Life ....was good.

After the first sem, me and someone else noticed the bad behaviour of a certain person. We were upset and angry. But , that didnt lasted long. How can i even get angry with my friend for so long ?

It was after someone ran away that the mini clique fell apart. Someone tried to come closer to me. She succeeded because my lab partner practically heck care EVERYTHING. If only waiyu accepted the offer of this course. Sigh.. but.. i refrained from telling her everything because some part of me knew that she isnt at all reliable. She leaked out one secret that she forced out of me. Thats so sly. I hate it. She claimed that someone else was scheming. Yes , she may be slightly scheming but you won in your schemes. I dont even feel like facing you. I couldnt face you. I cant bring myself to. But sometimes when i saw u, i felt bad for ignoring you and tried to treat you nicely. Sometimes , it sucks to be me. I got all softhearted in front of my friends. But what about u ? You just fished out info from people around me. Thats the diff between us. And thats why , we cant be best friends. Not even close now.

I want to ignore everything. I want to be happy. But i cant be if i dont have my once-happy clique with me. I cant bring them together if they dont want to. I dont even feel like doing so. Im tired of trying. I just want to graduate. I want to work towards my goals even if that means taking up a part time degree. I will. But not yet. I have two upcoming papera. Focus on the present. Plan for the future. Ignore the past yet let it make me a better person.