i wanna pour everything out. it's been in my heart for like kinda some time. but idk y i dun and stop myself from telling anyone everything. why? sometimes, i'd stop and think of e times and wad u said to me. i would rly wanna believe them a lot but i doubt i can now cos ur actions show likewise. i wanted to live in self denial so much but i doubt that would make me live in a good scenerio. sometimes, i stop and help u to give me so many reasons for e neglect that my heart just ache so much. no much of any consoling would do a good job in cheering me up. and if they do, it's only for a split second.

i should have gotten to china for oitp , so i wld not have to tolerate this sadness. but i didn't . u're part of e few reasons to y i stayed. do u noe? no, u dun. and it's all right. dun blame you.

i'm blaming no one now. it just dun feel right to tell anyone everything of wad i'm feeling now. though u can sense e sadness for urself. frens come and console me, making me rly happy and consoled. but like i said, no much of consoling would do a gd job. cos they ain't e right medication.

i hadn't been myself these few days. i stone . i stare into space. i've been doin wrong things. my daily routine are all screwed up.i dun smile. and if i do, it's just to make ppl from worrying abt me. just not being myself. i wanted so much for any reassurance. even it means lying to me. i'd be contented. at least, show tt u care.

but i noe, u wun be seeing this post. gals need actions, reassurances. okay, but at least for me. i'm so in need of them. i'm easily contented.
but wad do u show? i dun see any reason for someone to reply things that slowly.
yes, u wouldn't see this. u wouldn't care. wad for i blog abt this?
u wun at least show that u care. it would not change anything.
just wad happened? at least, i'm worried for u.
i've been saying this over and over agn. till i'm so tired of it.

i tried to held back crying during work