i hate having second thoughts.

nvm. waiyu !!!

talk to u aft exams.

we discuss :P

HAHAHA :x

LOL

just back home.

went out for a while wid mum.

and it's like.. i forgot it's the seventh month

so i just said "gia liao" (let's go)

and mum was like looking at me *shh dun say that*

i was like *oops* when i heard wad she said.

i went "mai follow"

mum: they dun understand english

me: they dun understand hokkien too :D

had two papers tdy.

theoretical..

and.. my 2 worst subs.

and dere's one more elearning this fri.

one of my worst sub ):

while doin my exams..

sth came into mind.

and i just tot over wad happened.

i just stunned dere.

mind blank, staring in front of me.

it's been 3-4 yrs le.

so long alr.

so long... no pt thinking over it agn rte?

yes i noe. but my mind just wanna think.

wad can i do?

if i have amnesia, things wld be beta.. wouldn't it?

or would it not?

i dun wanna think.

but wheneva i see you, you, you, you, you..... and you.. and....... a lot more of you..

i just think.

i just wanna run away.

just turned my back.

it's so tiring.

to have it haunting aft me.

this is the one thing which i've told no one abt it and dun intend to.

so i can only rant it here.

thanks blog for tking in the "impact"

no one should listen to me. so i tend to keep things to myself :D it's a gd thing too actually. and cos sometimes, i just feel emo suddenly that it'll be so tiring for them to listen to my rantings over and over agn

and sometimes, i just kept thinking....

... if i should give up

argh. idk why. but now, i see everyone so fine ard me.

fine as in.. dere's nth i dun like abt them ):

一种说不出的感觉。。。

this feeling sucks.

really sucks.

whenever i tot of giving this up,

a voice inside me, told me not to give up., not to give up, not to give up.

many things are making me sad.

was kinda shocked that my sec sch fren came to talk to me in fb and msn !

HAHA. we shared our love story.

and well, me and him.. AAHAHA.

had abt the same sad story.

but his is sadder.

cos to me, the gal is like two timing. so evil.

AND WAIT.. NONO. THIS IS NOT ANOTHER EMO BLOG POST :P

hahaha !!!

well, stupid things happened.

and it's not that i dun wanna reply.

it's just that i'm too tired from so many things.

so i tend to ignore and give slower replies.

if not, i'll sure sound super moody while talking to u and u.

which i dun want that to happen.

i've tried to put myself in ur shoes.

yes, i can understand ur feelings..

but it's that, i seriously dun understand y u dun understand..

though u kept saying that u do.

so well, den dere's nth much for me to tell u le.

just hope u can truly be happy.

instead of trying to be happy on the outside.

so wad if u are trying to stop posting more emo posts?

u're still emo.

wad's the pt?

and....... we nvr ignore u cos u emo.

we're not that unreasonable.

for the real reason, we've told u.

but u still dun understand. so uh well..

forget it :D

and... yup. exams are nearing..

but b4 that,

dad allows me to change phone plan xD

i wanna try to find a cheaper plan.

but i doubt i can.

any intro?? :D

and cos of this, i suddenly became v happy tdy

and maybe it's cos i had a longer slping time.

slept for 12 hrs.

though in between, i woke up to make cough med for mum.

hope her coughing gets beta.

i'm so happy so happy so happy xD

i wanna sing ~~ :D

if only kbox is free :x

HAHAHAHA !!! omg :x

nicole, must be happy okay !!!!! ytd is emo day. tdy happy day :p

and grace, hahahaha !!!!! that crazy gal :p

LOVE THE 2 OF U xD HAHAHA

wanna have an outing wid e 2 of u soon xD

and i love the msn conv on the day b4 ytd.

I LAUGHED LIKE MAD !!!!

and the elmo in me ran away xD

though it came back the nxt day.

due to lack of slp i think :x

many things are happening recently.

i dun get as pissed as last time..

cos last time, i'll get annoyed by things and irritating ppl.

but now, maybe grace is right. i'm numb :x HAHAH

maybe..

sighs. i tot i'll update a lot of things. but uh well.

dun wanna blog le. :(

i agree wid this (:

life has a lot of ups and downs indeed.

it's true.

but we can change our thinking, to make things seem beta.

and even, change our life.

vin, this is to you.

i rly duno wad else i can say to console u alr

and sometimes,

i just felt so guilty for everything i did.

i rly want long long slp for days.

i'm rly so stressed and forever not enough slp.

okay la, my stress can be reduced.

i have tmr.. to just try to finish up a lot of things.

and.. mum's working agn

that means housework dere for me to do agn.

which is making things worse :/

i wonder why i'm so easily pissed recently.

ppl called me, i've no mood to talk.

and... so easily get sad over things,

get upset over things,

get irritated over things.

think i'll be fine aft a long slp tonight :D

i cnt be forever so short tempered :/

I NID TO CURB CURB CURB !!!! :D

wth.

i'm busy rite !!!

why are more and more ppl so like u.

u think i'm wad?

robot issit!

i'm so stressed up.

loads of things yet to be done.

i rly nt tolerate any more shit.

not only u.. but u, u, u,u and u !

it's sch holiday and i nid to go back to sch.

that's a total turn off )':

but..

thinking positively, it's beta than slacking at home !

at least i'm more productive here and.....

we're working on our fyp :/

dun like it when ppl -.- me :/

i duno wad u r trying to do

u.. told me not to slp so late..

u.. told me not to slp yet cos u wanna chat wid me.

wad is this :)

why.. die die must chat x.x

*sms-ing grace*

*laughing*

*seemun looks at me and some other frens of mine*

me: My fren is crazy.

seemun: u noe why?

me: why?

seemun: cos birds of the same feather flock tgt.

me: oh. u're saying urself?

seemun: i'm not ur fren. i'm ur classmate.

me: same same la xD

wad's the point of harping over it??

TSKKK

you told me that frens are more impt than u.

i was like"...?!"

and.. u're sad that i'm gng out tmr, not wid u.

den kept telling me to go out wid u instead.

.......

i think i'm just being too stressed up wid work?

so that explains all these nonsensical thinking

i tried appearing happy ((:

and i tried to be.

i dun wanna appear so emo in front of ppl alr.

i dun wanna reply things so emo-ly agn

bt, i'll continue typing emo stuffs when i'm rly emo,

to make myself feel beta, i tink :/

but sometimes, no ... most of the times..

sad memories just haunt aft me..

perhaps, it's a typical gal's mind.

i only noe that i was termed "happy-go-lucky" last time.

not that i dun have sadness.

i do have. actually, more.

but i just didn't let it affect me?

now i decided to think abt those probs.

to change and perhaps, have a beta idea of how to handle things when similar ones came out agn.

or maybe i'm rly a perfectionist..

though i dun think i am.

perhaps.. i expect beta results from myself?

and.. maybe those closer ppl to me..

perhaps.

perhaps.

perhaps.

who can cfm it for me?

no one.

only i can think abt it myself.

and cfm it.

sighs. it's rly giving me headache and giddiness to think abt all these !!

i hated myself so much for thinking.

but, i can tell myself that, i ain't thnking much abt the past alr.

it's a gd thing (:

even if i think,

it's only reminiscence.

to think how laughable things were in the past :x

i dun wanna think abt it alr.

but ... wheneva smses come from .......

it strted all agn x.x

one word to describe this situation or rather........ i'm in..

"weird"

sometimes, it just sets me thinking..

am i rly rdy for all these?

perhaps, i've rly gotten wad i always wanted.

but, it's only aft like 8 months? 9 months?

when i've gotten used to it..

when i've felt tired of always bothering over it..

when i've alr strted to tk things in my stride.

but when i strted to think abt it now,

i found it kinda harsh on me.

when reality sets in,

i thought..

"are u rly the right one?"

to say the truth..

my past experience are all..

in a mess.

i've always tot that i've matured.

yes, i'm sure i did as compared to my sec sch life.

but.. not as matured as i thought.

i thought compromising will make things beta.

at least i've talked things out.

things did change.. aft like a while l8r.

at least it did.

but.. now, aft 6 months of change,

i can still feel tired over certain things.

perhaps..

i should let let u be in the same state that u were in the first place.

when u're wid someone..

wun u be wholehearted to her?

instead of:

having crush wid a few ppl and decided to choose this particular person..

got tgt but didn't cherish it.

even had a betrayal of heart.

so wad if the feeling ain't strong that time?

is that a good reason for u to act the way you were?

NO !

certainly a NO-NO.

sometimes, things wun wait for u.

ppl changed wid a prick of conscience, perhaps.

but u changed, cos u felt that u should.

and not cos of love.

i noe, i shouldn't be harping on this..

but.. i duno who to talk to.

i rly rly rly dun wanna trouble ppl wid my probs agn.

cos it'll always cause a certain disturbance to ppl.

i duno y.. but just felt like keeping more things to myself.

but yeah, i do confide in ppl.

it's cos.. i rly wanna noe wad to do next.

it's cos.. i felt that i need a listening ear.

perhaps, i should be satisfied wid the change in you now.

perhaps, i should rly swallow everything.

perhaps.. i should tk things more in my stride.

perhaps....... i should let it be.

u did nth wrong.

in the past, a certainly yes.

now.. more of character wise i guess?

perhaps.. we're not......... supposed to...

it's alr a blunder in the first place.

perhaps, a mystery in the middle.

but confusion in the end.

or perhaps.. e prob just lies wid me.

perhaps.. i'm still quite a kid in my thinking?

or perhaps.. i'm not meant to be in one..

or perhaps.. this kind of thing, ain't one of my thing.

or perhaps.. i should grow up more.

and my ear is hurting now.

i felt like crying all out to distress.

but i cnt afford to do so.

cos i'll feel more tired than ever and wad about my work?

stress + poor emotional management + poor time management + tiredness = EMO.

yes. go ahead and blame me for not managing my time well.

u said u understand. but y are u still blaming me?

it's ok. just go ahead and blame me.

i tk it all down.

i'm so tired of being blamed for not doin sth when my work load are suffocating me.

yes. maybe it's cos i duno how to plan my things.

ya. i'm bad at planning my time wisely.

yes, i'm at fault for not helping out.

yes. i'm at fault for not spending more time wid u

yes. i'm at fault for not telling u clearly i'm so stressed up (which i did say =.=)

yes. i'm at fault for emoing

yes. i'm at fault for those emo smses which i said i dun wanna talk.

yes. i'm at fault for everything i've done.

SO SORRY

i cnt believe that i'm actually blamed for not having a good chat wid u..

when i'm sooooooo stressed up and having loads and loads of unfinished work.

i cnt believe that u claimed that i didnt tell u that i have loads of things to do when i told u a lot of times.

i cnt believe that you would actually tell me that u're emo wid EXACTLY the SAME words that i used to sms u e other time. it's not that i dun believe u. it's just that.. i'm rly stressed up and moodless to talk or sms. u just spammed me calls. it's okay to call me. but not when i said that i dun wanna talk. at that moment.. i seriously dun feel like talking. u can call me l8r.