i noe that if i'd me , i'll definitely understand that u need to study , need to work.

when i was super free previously , i understand that u need to work and tried to encourage u when u feel stressed up / sianned while working .

i told u that i understand and tell u to jiayou while working .

i've nvr complained that u're busy .

but before i started sch, u alr feel down and even emo cos u said that we'd have lesser time to meet .

thus , i told u that i'll try to find time out but i'll definitely be busy cos i have sch and i want to study hard as well .

still , u emo .

idk wad to do and felt lousy .

i always felt so down when u r feeling down as well .

i tried to cheer u up but u always gimme short replies and sound down .

i rly rly rly duno wad to do .

but when my sch start , u kept saying that i'm busy .

yes , i agree . but i'm not as busy as u r .

so , i said "you are busy oso ma"

i always have this naive hope that u'd at least say "jiayou" to encourage me .. at least one "jiayou" but i've nvr ever heard this word from u before .

but , it's okay .

i just hope that u'd understand that i'm busy wid my sch work as well .

but apparently , idk if u do .

cos we were supposed to be meeting at 4 tdy . u were aware that i have alot of things undone .

so i suggested meeting u at 4 and maybe leave at ard 9+ cos i have to wk up early for sch tmr and i'm rly feeling stressed up .

talking abt stress , i was feeling stress a few days ago and u called me .

hearing that i didnt talk much on the phone , u emo agn .. sighs .

u noe , i felt so bad when u emo ?

that i have to call u back and abandon the thought of continuing my revision.

oh , back to wad happen tdy , after hearing me say that i need to go off early , u said that u'd rather me stay at home and study since we will only be meeting for ard 4 hrs only and u dun want me to waste my time travelling .

when i heard this , do you noe that i felt so relieved ? for a moment , i tot that u understand ..

but on the other hand , i rly tried to chiong my revision , bearing a tiny thought that i'd still be able to meet u .

thus , i went to prepare myself and smsed u at ard 4, asking u if u want me to come out .

cos if u do , i'm always ready to leave my hse immediately and meet u at ard 5.30.

at most , i'll leave at a later time .

at most , i'll leave at ard 10+

still , u told me to stay at home but ur tone sounded sian obviously .

u noe that i rly felt bad ?

i'm in a dilemma .

i wanna meet u but i rly have work left undone .

u told me to stay at home but u sounded so sad .

i rly duno wad to do nor say .

for a moment , i foolishly hope and wish that u'd rly understand that me being busy and not meet u is inevitable and u will NOT emo .

cos wheneva u emo , it'd soooooo affect me that i'll do the same thing.

and u noe , aft that msg at ard 4 plus , i cnt concentrate studying .

and for a moment , i wished that i had insisted meeting u so that i'll meet u and not stare into space blankly , for hrs .

i do not wish to compare , but i see other couple encouraging each other and seem so happy tgt (at least on the surface).

i noe that u do treat me well but , maybe i just expect more ?

maybe i jsut expect u to be abit understanding and not emo .

i felt so bad seeing u like this .

and when u said "i have wasted my day doing nth" rly made me feel so bad .

it's not as if i dun wanna meet u .

and i noe that u would never ever read this post and noe wad i'm thinking .

and i'd never noe wad i shld be reflecting to u .

idk ,idk , idk .

wad shld i be doing ???

i rly have no freaking idea .