sometimes , i rly wonder if im expecting too much or being too critical. i tried to not get affected by the words that u said cos i noe that it's ur character but i failed to do so. i noe that u do care for ppl but the words that u said really kinda disturbed me. cos it seems as though u r blaming me. esp this sentence "you are being irresponsible to your tummy".
i didnt.. if i did, i wldnt have cut down alot of chili this year. i didnt touch dem when they are just in front of me cos im concerned abt my health. i noe that given my condition, im not supposed to touch chili at all.. but sometimes, i still eat dem cos i forgot. esp ytd. maybe i expected too much. i shldnt even hoped that someone wld tell me to take care.. maybe i shld rly drop that criteria in anyone.. no more sadness den.
or maybe im being too sensitive.

tried to sleep but my mind was being noisy. my head is really hot now.. eyes all red.. it seems as though dere are two voices talking to me.
one told me that i shldnt be too petty. shld just smile it off and ignore the things that hurt or even annoy me. even if they are accusations.. and that i was being too critical and sensitive. i know jolly well her character. i do noe that she do care alot abt ppl . i shldnt be affected by this.

another one just told me that she was being too insensitive. she shldnt kept chiding me but hope that i can attend the dinner later. i should just tell her how i feel rather than controlling dem and just replied "..." cos i was upset. it is not as if i did it on purpose. it isnt the first time that her words affected me. dere's once where i was really irritated cos of her accusations and that i just walked away and tried to put on a smile. really forced it out.  and she ended up being annoyed cos i walked too fast and blamed me for it.

so wad is wad? just wad kind of a person am i ? i really have no idea. maybe wad i think of myself is different from wad i really do. maybe my forced smile still cnt cover the annoyance and even the sadness that i faced. maybe i really should just smile no matter wad happened and talk less.. just to avoid conflicts as much as possible. i really tried very hard to do this. not that im trying to put on a facade but rather, trying to reduce the damages to the minimum. having said so much, i dun even noe how to put it across to u. i dun blame u for the things u said but i really got affected more and more by the things that u told me at times. yes, maybe my communication skills really sucks. so that's why i cnt even express myself, dun even dare to say, for fear of more misunderstandings.
if i were to tell u the last sentence, i expected to hear u say "just say lah. just shoot me only". but if u do noe me, u wld noe that i seldom shoot ppl. i rather talk nicely to dem in private. cos i dun want any awkwardness unless they really pissed me off that much or even if that person is just some random strangers that i cnt even accept his/ her certain behaviour...