and, wheneva i have sth in mind, i always do the wrong things :x

like, i always use my keys to tap the ticketing machine and tking out my ezlink card to tap my door x.x

LOL ! D;

i cnt put both my keys and ezlink card tgt in one pocket.

but i dun wanna put my ezlink card or keys wid my hp, in another pocket :X

LOLOL, i'm not scolding anyone nor emoing in my blog okay ~ :x

i'm just fa1 lao2 sao1 :x

when i calmed down and recalled the words u said, they hurt.

nvr did i noe that the advices that i said, were deemed as interfering.

and little did i noe that, i'm pervertic to u.

all i wanted to advice was, talk nicely to that person.

but u've done it. den so be it.

things wun change, den dere's nth much i can do.

i duno wad exactly happened.

so i duno wad i shld advice.

it's gd that u confided.

but i didnt noe that when i duno wad to advice, i was being labelled as someone who dun care

and yet, i was said to be pissed.

when all i felt was just being speechless.

i tried to emphasize things to u.

cos u dun believe.

and this, was deemed as being angry.

i couldn't be laughing when i was being so serious in trying to relay the message out to u.

and i didn't noe, it meant that i was pissed, to u.

i dun have any reason to hide my feelings.

enough is enough.

told u not to say that.

u kept "reminding" me that i dun want u to say that. true.

BUT WHY ARE U STILL SAYING IT?

u said that i shouldn't treat a 2yrs fren lidat.

TRUE. i did feel bad aft seeing that msg.

BUT THINKING BACK,

IF U WEREN'T SO STUBBORN OR DOIN THINGS THAT I TOLD U NOT TO,

i WUN have to resort to this.

true?

and, my dream "evolved" . i used to dream that i'm stuck inside a scary

building.

but ytd, i dreamt that i got stuck inside another dream that's inside my dream.

wad does this mean? ):

suddenly tot of blogging abt this cos of 1 ppl.

seriously, u need to change. if not, u'll attract more disliking from ppl.

it's for ur own gd. Just think b4 talking.

i've beared wid u for like a near 3 yrs.

tried not to talk to u more often cos...... u noe.

and cos of u, i suddenly tot of some bad pts that ppl can have that can rly turn me off:

1. People who are super crude in their talking

2. ppl who dun strive for the beta/ work hard.

3. ppl who spend money unnecessarily.

4. ppl who just shoot their mouths off w/o thinking of others' feelings.

5. ppl who are unfilial

6. ppl who get angry cos of little tings

and some more i guess.

but these are the main few which i rly dislike.

others can include things like being a hypocrite and so on.

mst in 2 wks' time.

and spinnovex in 5 wks(?) time.

so many things. but aft viva,

things would be slightly slack alr, i hope.

was so busy and tired ttm recently till i

didn't really have a proper meal and

didn't noe i was that hungry till i gobbled down my food just now.

but of cos, i didn't gobble down unglam-ly.

i rly wanna slp in this wkend..

if not, i rly think i'll fall sick soon.

though it's unlikely.

and talking abt that, i recalled abt my dream ytd.

i dreamt that i was having a fever up to 99 degree Celsius.

bravo.

HAHA ! wad is this man

and... my digestive system rly ain't gd.

trying to cut down on fried food.

i seldom eat fried food except fries D:

sighs. so everyone, pls dun tempt me wid fries.

if not, my stomach will rly feel awful D: !

do, do , do. life is so mundane.

seemun, i agree wid wad u said the other time in cls ! sad case.

and, as long as my work ain't done a fair bit,

i have totally no mood to go out.

last time, i kept have the idea of just working under someone and just do my part of work.

but now, i wanna work hard and climb up to a higher post xD

and my bro, his ambition is nvr changing -- to become a boss.

i think he has the capability to do so ((:

jy bro.

and i need to jy too :D

jy everyone !!!

fell for it once.

not gng to fall for it agn.

i cnt help but doubt u most of the times :x though i truly trusted u last time.

ignored.

and 3 missed calls ytd.

so far for tdy, 4 missed calls.

i wonder how many dere'll be tdy. HAHA !

and yes, he said that i dun believe things until i've seen them for myself :X

and, he said i always have nightmare when i slp ):

how true too LOLOL

went to look for mum last sunday and saw this fortune teller. he is SUPER accurate.

before he saw me, he knew that i am always having headache and constipation. and he explained that my constipation is due to stress and me not destressing things. how true. even my doctor said this before. didn't rly believe it that time :x

and when he saw me, he said certain things which i think are soooo true:

1) i am a quite zi bei person. (i think low self esteem is the word in english)

2) i always have negative thinking in my mind. and that is the reason to why i am "blurblur" while walking

3) i am very hardworking but duno how to study smart

4) when my mum nagged me and i dun like, i just walked away

5) i study hard but not study smart.

6) i am a perfectionist

7) in a r/s, if a guy is good to me, i'll give him my whole heart. if anything goes wrong, i'll cry my eyes out.

8) if people dun wanna tell me sth, i'll try and go dig those things out

9) i duno how to destress and i dun confide in people. so i tend to bottle things up.

10) i am quiet (but not rly when i'm wid the plurkers)

11) i dun have much friends cos i seldom talk

12) i am straightforward

13) i dun dare to talk to people sometimes cos i feared of offending them

14) i have 2 ex

15) it is my character to not look up while walking nor talk much to people. so some ppl tot that i'm proud, but i'm not.

16) if i duno how to do sth, i'll keep trying and trying till i succeed.

VERY true lo. well, talked to him and i just felt much better. bought sth from him too :) mum bought hers too.

aft that talk, i rly rly rly felt much cheerful :) and i was rly happy. partially is cos of a goondo who talked to me agn. :P and, i rly missed being happy, deep down in my heart. welcome back, happiness.

when ppl dun wanna u to do sth, den just dun do it.

cos when u do it, i strted to feel more and more rejected to reply u, which i dun want this to happen

wanted to off comp but i noe i wun be smsing you alr nor have time to blog tmr.

soo... .... .....

happy bday to u in advance.

i have a feeling that u might said "ok"

or even ignore. wadever outcome it is,

it'd be a bad one.

though i noe if i see ur reply, i'd be happy instead.

and,

i actually tot of wishing u tdy cos i was afraid that if i were to wish u tmr,

it will affect ur mood more.

cos, it's ur actual birth day.

but well, i didnt.

i think u should be feeling relieved that i didn't wish u.

uh well. i think i dun have the chance to wish u anything in future.

so, happy hari raya to u in advance

bon voyage to u in advance

happy xmas to u in advance

happy new yr in advance.

happy cny in advance.

happy ah neh neh day in advance.

happy "all hols" in advance.

happy ord in advance.

tsk. happy everything in advance :/"

i had been experiencing mixed feelings recently.

happy cos of sth ... :x LOL! secret xD

and sad cos of sth .... secret too.

):

hope it wun blow.

but well, both sadness and happiness are due to sth. no, it's someone x.x

ttsskkkk.

):

is it so hard to be frens?

tofu told me to clarify things wid u.

i wanted to. but how??

wadever i said will make a similar outcome.

so wad's the pt?

i got happy suddenly and sad suddenly cos of ....

wad's the pt too?

everything revolves ard u.

wad's the pt too ???

cos i noe, i wun be talking to u.

no, is u wun be talking to me.

to be frank, i rly miss those happy days talking abt a lot of things wid u.

i rly cherish this gd fren, though ... ...

though i rly dislike ur temper.

u're like a bomb timer.

the thought of u exploding anytime,

rly makes me withdraw from telling how i feel, sometimes.

but sometimes, u kept making assumptions that i'm not thinking abt how u feel

or wun feel sad over this thing.

this assumption rly, truly made me feel sad.

cos it's like, to u, i'm such an unfeeling person.

i hate to create another of such sad post.

but i.. rly need to let all out.

i noe, no one will read this anw (:

so it dun matter if i were to say a lot of things.

ytd (i think), my bro called u and mentioned ur name over the phone

do u noe that, the feelings that i felt are sadness, fear and memories are all overwhelming me.

and LOLOL. i think i was crazy alr. cos when he called u, i was like abt 3 m (?) away from him only.

and i cnt believe that i strained my ears at where i was sitting to try to see if i can hear anything -.-"

well, i couldn't but could only hear someone talking :x

i seldom get so affected by someone for this long.

i think, if my this fren mia wid the same reason as u now, i wun even feel this way.

though i noe that my fren wun . HAHA :x

okay. i shan't talk anymore. cos i'm rly feeling super emotional now :/

gd nite

i seriously have no idea why i feel so hurt.

cnt decipher why too ):

i rly have a lot of things to say.

... :( ...

suan le. no one reads anw.

it's the 4th wk of sch alr.

time rly flies.

another like 4 more wks to mst?

omg. that's fast D:

2 more... ... ...

i just want one thing... ... ... ...

now it's getting so suffocating.

it's either i get over it soon (which i doubt so)

or be bhb ):

blocked nose,

blocked ear,

aching ears,

headache,

giddiness

and wad else?

moodiness? D:

nth to blog. ):

it's funny and yet at the same time, hard to accomplish ):

sometimes, i rly wonder why i did that for.

just to get "a word" or????

but i do noe that i did feel happier doing that.

cos at least i did receive "at least a sentence"

lolol :/

hope i'm not doing the wrong thing.

i rly wanted to.

but i guess it's beta not to.

i dun want this.

nor do i want that.

change

and

sry

it's gd to let go.

told u to stop saying those things but nth ever goes in.

not gng to care -_-"

ever since the downtown east incident,

i've been thinking abt my fren everyday.

i kept thinking of how helpless he was, like the 19 yr-old kid.

only wid the exception that he's not a gangster and finding for trouble deliberately.

i still rmb the look on his face... ...

:/

life is so fragile.

a book cannot be judged by its cover ):

last time, i always tot that guys,

are the magnanimous and not-petty sort.

but idk if it's cos they changed or wad.

cos some of the guys that i knew, are so petty

and, even act like gals :/

i've always tot that they'd not harp over things but in fact,

some dun.

i always tot that i'm the petty one.

last time, perhaps.

but now, i've been trying to change and not get angry easily.

well, things are so different now.

guys, i'm so disappointed in u all.

and, idk why i suddenly questioned myself if i'm a les.

LOL. i noe perfectly well that i am not and i dun like gals.

but aft thinking thru, i finally noe why i asked myself that question.

cos, i'm beginning to dislike some character of the guy frens i knew.

and it's not that i dun like all guys.

it's just, i'm disappointed in them, and though i've tried hard to accept them as a fren,

i cnt. until they change.

and sometimes, i rly duno why some ppl got tgt when they duno each other well.

if u guys cnt get along well as frens, and even gd frens.

how can u guys become couple?

and even if u guys are gd frens, it dun mean that u guys can be gd tgt as a couple.

or even love each other

i've heard this sentence somewhere, and i agree.

"even if u love someone and vice versa, u guys might not be gd as a couple if u 2 dun have a future tgt"

i agree though i dun rule out the fact that dere's exception.

so sometimes, i think a lot b4 getting tgt wid someone,

to see if we can get along well.

life is forever complicating.

and sucks.

lolol. this company is weird :x

i'm rly gng crazy soon.

i dun -.- nor wth ppl for no reason.

it's obviously that i put that cos u irritate me.

and i dun get irritated easily.

UNLESS U KEPT IRRITATING ME AND I CNT TK IT -.-