saw someone's fb and i wondered... ...

when ppl wanna do sth and had a chance to do it,

they nvr cherish the chance.

and when the chance's gone, they lament on it :/

no pt rte .

still, studying is gd. u shld have cherished it :/

nxt wk to cny !

nxt wk to uni application !

and i just knew that NUS look down on poly students ):

from my frens though LOLOL

how i wish ntu and nus can switch their location :P

and i thank you for all ur concern :))

always feel so touched :P

but i cnt help but keep thinking that happy times dun last long.

and dere wun be any outlet for my sorrows :/ in future

From the bottom of my heart, i rly thank you for everything, including those quarrels, i guess.

at least, we sorta understand each other more? though i dun deny that i got super tired of them. i noe u do too.

i had been thinking abt the cause of the quarrel. wanted to have a nice chat over it, at least... we can talk things out and kinda conclude the cause. but still, i felt that it's cos of communication probs.

i nvr had such probs wid my frens..

so i rly wonder why :/ but well, i did try to explain to u.. but i nvr knew that when i tried to do that.. you think of sth else :/ i just wanna... clear things up..

maybe u dun wanna solve it. maybe u dun wanna talk abt it.. or maybe.. you have even started to dislike and hate me. maybe it's the last.

if not, idk how to explain xxxx xx xxxxx. i wun be able to forget those 3 words..

cos they rly, hurt me alot.

i rly wanna point out a few pts. i want u to change, cos i care. but i noe, u'll most prob be angry. in the case, how do we solve probs? this prob will forever be happening and nvr be solved.

i'm scared i'll make u scared of anyone who mention "thumbdrive" nxt time D:

i duno why, i duno how ):

indescribable, unexplainable.

maybe i shld strt following my mum.

but in that case, i'll fall more into the

"insecure employee" category.

):

and only solution to lead me is to be autocratic.

i dun want ):

but... ... issit cos ba zi bu he?

i had been thinking of this for long.

but well... ... i had to agree wid my mum agn.

it's the family background ):

alarm didnt ring tdy.

at first, i rly wondered if it's cos i didnt manage to hear the alarm ring.

but aft that, i felt that it rly was that my alarm didnt ring.

cos my mum's awake.

if she hear my alarm ring for sooooo long and i didnt wk up,

she'd wake me up for sure.

and, i always get to hear my alarm ring.

it just has to ring slightly longer if i'm super dead to the world.

i always nvr fail to wk up aft my alarm ring.

so that's why... my mum always told my dad that they dun have to wk me up, unlike my bro :p

HAHA. i woke up 45 mins b4 lesson strt.

45mins-- train ride duration ):

in the end, i was late for 30 mins.

one of my frens even tot that i was sick and thus, skipped sch.

HAHA !!

sighs. my phone's so lousy.

shld have let someone to give me morning call ):

i cnt expect everyone to think and cherish the same things as i did.

i cnt expect everyone to be innocent.

i cnt expect everyone to think for others.

i cnt expect everyone to not be that self centered.

i cnt expect everything ):

i think i expected sooo much till i felt soo disappointed wid ppl and even...

tired of dem :/

i shan't be bothered wid ppl who dun care anymore.

and i shan't feel guilty and try to salvage things anymore..

cos it's no pt feeling so sad over sth when that person just do a certain reaction or move.

u made the choice :/

not me.

just so tired.

i wanna ... find back my motivation

so tired.

losing the motivation alr

i'll be super busy this wk.

monday: lessons till 5 + project/work

tue: lessons till 4.30 + gng to itp office

wed: sch from 9-7

thu: 8- night

fri: sch + project/work.

i shouldn't be happy too fast actually.

cos not yet meetup ): sighss....

and btw,

caught the tourist ytd :DD
it's nice.

i didn't expect the story to turn up that way D:

but the story's kinda funny ^^

had free dessert, free bun and free movie ^^ heh, thanks many many :D

and... u funny ah. go steal other ppl's popcorn in the middle of the movie LOLOL

but it's salty D:

i dun like :P

stop havin such low self esteem in urself.

if others can, u can too.

dun give urself any chance to regret :)

just be urself and use life to the fullest.

if they are able to find, you should be able to find too.

i dun mind waiting for one yr (ONE YEAR ONLY AH ~ :P)

HAHA xD

kk la, 2 yrs is also fine. but if it tks more than that, i'm rly gonna lose faith :)

nevertheless, nth is impossible.

just let things be. if it's meant to be mine, it'd be.

if ppl choose to walk out of my life, i cnt do anything much.

they make the decision themselves.

and being me, i wonder if it's stupid or wad to just let them walk in and out,

as and when they like.

but well, it's a blessing in disguise to see,

who are the ones who rly care.

even if it's just a sentence of asking me how i am or if i'm beta,

it's still considered concern to me.

cos at least they asked, right senior? LOLOL.

and, i suddenly recalled who the one who helped me previously is !! xD

HAHAH call me muddleheaded ):

he's such a big shot ! how could i forget him

and for a moment, i actually tot that he's the "ah neh" lab helper ):

but ..... he's my cya head !!!!!

well, dere's 2 head.

ha, not gonna forget u alr. cos i'm rly thankful for ur help :))

and, i rly felt like calling u and.... HAHAHAHA arrange a meetup wid my manager xD

I duno if it's possible xD

but if it means higher chance for a deal, i dun mind making that call ^^

it's irrevocable :))

ha, i duno why my frens kept asking abt how i fare for my mst this time x.x

left 2 more papers to get !

gotten 3 papers in total.

i bet my nxt 2 papers wun be able to score as well as the 3 papers which i've gotten back ):

and it's gonna be feb very soon !

i've yet to write a letter.

i've yet to rly choose the 5 choices ):

awww. D:

senior, i sincerely thank you for being dere when i needed someone :))

thank you :)

dear blog,

you must stop me from posting emo posts okay :P

HAHAH !!! kk la, trying to cheer up le .

:x

cheer up and not cher up *hinting to someone* :P

i'm rly trying my best to stay happy. so, blog, u must help me too kay?

if i wanna post sth emo, you must tell me that my post cnt be published :X

HAHAH !!

you're left wid urself to stay happy now. so all the more you must be happy. smile :):)

bb :D

dere are things, which ain't for me to say anymore.

i only noe that i rly do seem like a fool.

ppl just walk in and out, as and when they like.

i agree wid someone that they dun have the right to do so.

for well, fool as i appear to be, i dun rly mind them entering agn. :/ cos, who would want someone to be gone just lidat?

and i noe that certain things which happened might be a small matter.

but when they happen a lot of times.. and even almost everyday..

can u tk it?

first.. i think u and me have a generation gap though u're only 2 yrs older than me. i told u that you're talking nonsense and it's not the smses that are making me unhappy but rather, your words and u said, "i want to inform you about uni stuffs. and some other things which i should not say". with regards to that reply, wad i wanna say was, i've nvr said anything abt u telling me uni things. as in, nvr told u not to say them. but well.. for those other things.. i've always told u not to say that but u repeat. so wad can i say? u dun even understand my sentence nor do u understand me. furthermore, you said "Y am i smsing you everyday is cuz i want to gain back your trust and love". nonsense rte -.-

second... aft the talk ytd.. i rly agree wid wad u said. you guys have no right to do that. i truly agree wid wad u said. but wad can i do? stop u from doing that? things to be said, were said. things to be done, were done. now, i'm beginning to wonder why i tried to salvage so much last time when things were always gone wid a *poof*. shouldn't u at least thing of how i'd feel? instead of thinking those extreme extreme things.

okay full stop. i dun wanna say anymore. cos if i were to continue, i'd be repeating those things which i've said before. i bet no one wants to see me complain anymore rte?? ((: i dun wanna do so. but that's only provided that they dun do those things :/

okay, i'm left wid many many calls. sighs. cnt grab any tdy and motivation's just lost in betwn :/ useless me :x hee. and, i have to do my project tmr. yes, it's fyp :x heh. but report only xD

had one test tdy.. hope can fare well. hectic schooling life begins alr. labs for consecutive wks instead. sooo tired. i'm lacking the motivation alr. seriously.. and when i attend lessons now, all i'm thnking was fp, fyp, you, you, you and you. HA, i neeed concentration ! nvm, from now onwards, i'm rly gonna concentrate. be it in work, in sch or even talking to ppl AND WALKING. haha ! my mind always wander off :x

cher eng, you have to work hard okay.. i noe, motivation by other ppl always give you an invisible "push". but to rly work hard, you have to motivate yourself. wad matters is u, telling yourself to work hard and rly do it. i hope i wun be deemed as stressing up myself HAHA.

if ppl dun wanna me to be in their life and choose to walk out, den dere's nth which i can do. rte?

LOLOL, this is funny.

my fyp grp and this other grp are both supervised by hendra.

and this other grp consists of china ppl

but one of them is super super polite (Y) nice :D
and funny too o.o

one of my team mates is called "wayne".

and when we pronounced it, he somehow heard it to be otherwise.

and one day in fb, he asked "why no one tag rain?"

LOL. rain!?!?

funny ah xD

i LOL-ed at that.

pragmatic u.

faker ):

ha, this rly makes me wonder why i can bear wid u for so long last time.

dislike !

):

wun ever wanna reply ur sms anymore.

so u can dream on asking me out, like wad u're doing everyday . :/

dun have to hope nor bullshit anymore.

dun have to think that we still xxxxx.

dun have to do so :)

"heart to heart talk never fails to clear the heart of sorrows, the mind of troubles" -quoted from zhane.

issit rly that true? :/ sometimes yes, but it dun work on one person. forever dun :/ told him wad i feel, and all he did was to repeat the mistakes.

for another person, it's not more of a "heart to heart talk" but more of talk? :/

but for now, a talk is impossible.

ha, i dun wanna talk abt this alr. but apparently, i cnt. i kept having the same dream recently.

bt had a kinda different one tdy. it's abt the same dream but dere's some sad content in it.

but well, it depicts wad happened.

from now on, i'm so not gng to believe anyone who said they cherish me nor wanna

be nice to me.

all bullshit.

cos all i see now, are just rubbish.

words and actions are totally different.

NO actions.

or even, STUPID actions -_-

if u want sth, den go work hard for it luh.

if it's not meant to be urs, den let go.

wad's the pt of all the annoyance and end wid those stupid stupid messages.

ppl reflect (if they do), and said they wanna change (just like wad i did too).

but most impt thing is that they rly do it.

i rly hope i will keep the promise to myself and change.

so far, i've changed a bit, i noe !!

HAHA. i noe i did cos i've seen improvements.

but only slightly.

at least beta than nth :x

to be frank,

i've been thinking a lot recently.

thinking abt my behaviour.

thinking abt how i let certain things affect me so much that i dun have any mood for others.

thinking on wad i can do to improve on certain things.

thinking on wad approach i can use to improve certain things.

idk if i over-tire myself or no appetite that i ate v little recently

for instance, tdy.

i only had one meal.

i have 2 meals normally, so i guess, one lesser meal isn't a prob nor sth which i should think is unusual.

one thing for sure is that, i've been thinking a lot.

even my mum said that i seem to be deep in thoughts tdy.

and i actually made a white lie to prevent her from being worried.

i just said "nope. i'm v tired. just staring into space".

sry for lying. :/

and well, idk wad u're thinkin actually.

i wanted to do sth but i noe i cnt.

i wanted to salvage but i noe i cnt too.

had been bugging elvin wid this prob of mine.

nvm, i'll try to keep it within myself :)

and btw, i wanna say one sentence to an annoying person.

NIC !!!! SHLD I RLY SAY IT? but wait, it seems bad :/ ha.

stupid me zzz

last day for exhibition tmr.

finally :D

report to fret over now :/

i wanna slp in late on sunday :DD

super super super tired ):

kept napping tdy and ytd, but only for a short while.

and yes,

on wed (the first day of my duty), pup, nic, elvyn were here .

took train back wid dem.

long time no see, guys xD

and tdy (the second day of my duty), pup, chevy, cyferrs were here.

and chevy looked so pale and sick. :/

get well soon, season :D

tmr, elvin and desmond might be gng xD

i think they will.

heh. gd gd :D

come pei me chat ^^

ha, pointless :/

sighs. stupid life.

stupid me.

i hate myself.

tsktsk :/

i duno wad i shld do.

how i wish i were that clever.

to do things rationally and tactfully.

i wanted to xxx.

bt i noe i cnt :/

i cnt be so selfish

i need to think of u

and by doing that,

it's beta for me,

to not do anything still ):

Dear Sxxxxxx,

sighs, like i said, i dun need u.

last time, i just felt so bad when i didnt reply u.

but i felt nth when i did that recently.

guess, we're rly over.

i tried to treat u as a beta fren, but..

u kept doing nonsensical things.

not nonsensical actually, but.. now,

no matter wad u did,

i just felt so........ idk how to explain.

i think i'm so used to seeing:

"morning cher eng (: "

"have u eaten ur bf? go eat anything and dun go sch wid an empty stomach. not good for you"

"are you feeling cold now?"

"you have been busying wid spinnovex, sure very tired"

"rest early. good nite"

and aft 30 mins l8r,

"are you asleep? if u heven, go slp now"

or even "i'm still doing my report. sian lo. need to hand it in agn"

and also, i only reply like abt 2 smses out of soooooooo many smses u sent me.

dun u feel anything nor think that sth is amiss? :/

HAHA. standard smses xD

so funny la.

but no matter wad, i'm so used to seeing them and not replying u alr.

thinking back,

i cnt believe that i wanted u sooo much in my life last time,

that my life had always been so depressing :/.

and now, i just want u to get out.

but i'm sure, if u leave me alone, i'll be able to talk to u like a normal frens in time to come.

provided that u dun remain so weird xD

you told me that, you decided to become a changed person cuz of me.

so means if i'm not dere, you wun be a changed person?

BUT.... changed person as in to wad a kind of person?

i doubt u even noe where u went wrong xD

HAHAHA funny ah D:

and, even if i've studied this module b4,

i doubt u need my help in this.

first, i didnt get A.

second, you can always approach your lecturer cos she'd of cos be super super good in this area.

third, tot you always said that you made use of your frens in class?

well, i duno why you used the word "make use". you told me that ppl make use of one another to get beta grades and i went 'huh?'. i duno if u used the wrong word, or if that's your real feelings. but i'm sure, if i were to tell u now, "tot u said that u'd make use of your frens?", you'd go "huh? NO LA. why make use? i nvr say such things". i noe that'd most prob be your reaction cos... i noe you for so long and was so close wid u b4. but u still dun understand me. and like i said in my previous post.. u dun understand me at all. told you b4 that being frens would be beta for us. BUT u continued wid those stupid actions and aft quite a number of days l8r, you told me "actually, i have being thinking. i think that being frens would be good for us". my first thinking was "aint that wad i told u?????" :/ seriously, seriously, u dun understand me. if u do, you'd noe that i dun bear quarrels in mind nor harp over them (though i'd still rmb that quarrels still did exist) and i wun get angry wid anyone for so long. i'd miraculously not get angry wid anyone as fast as 30 mins, provided that he/she dun keep harping on it. but if i still feel angry, it means that that's the last straw alr. and well, i'll be fine the nxt day den or even aft a nap.

anw, that's all for the post tdy. tata

signing off.

):

ha, i wonder why ppl like to jump into conclusion.

actually, me too. and i wondered why too.

i have so many frens.

wad make you think that i'm saying abt u?

but even if i'm rly saying abt u, isn't it time for u to reflect on your own actions to why i say that?

saw fren in the news just now.

my grp work is just beside them xD

so saw sj and wayne's back and mine too xD

hah !

like my frens, we were wondering why our design didnt get interviewed.

cos our design is more of a "new generation" design :P

got compliments too :DD

sighs. gng back to sch everyday

no time to work tdy cos need to do some research.

and, no time to study for nxt wk's test ):

tmr's the handover ceremony and full load testing day !

so that means that i need to go over to test the thing halfway thru the ceremony.

spinnovex is here soon!

and to others, it's the open hse.

finally, my work will be up for display :DD
and my frens will be gng on thu ):

but i wun be gng on thu !!

my shift is only half a day too :x

and i cnt believe it that my sch strts officially nxt wk.

i totally dun have the schooling mood cos i've been gng to sch everyday ):

including sat and sometimes sun.

OH ! THAT REMINDS ME OF STH.

i heven strted my revision on one of the module ):

test'll be on nxt wk ):

sighs sighs

365 post exactly :D

just saw nic's blog.

and it just reminded me that i've forgotten to update my blog on the new yr.

as in, a summary abt 2010.

i think i've a lot a lot to say :)

SCHOOL:

sem gpa dropped on the 3rd yr first sem. but cumu gpa improved :)

had some plans on which course to study on and kinda which uni to aim for.

made new frens-- FYP mates.

impression on them improved and at the same time, deprove :x

irony huh

fyp is finally coming to an end, but not quite yet.

cos dere's still report to work on.

at least, we dun have to chiong our product design and so on anymore

well, i will aim for a super high gpa now.

last sem, last yr, last leap, last hope.

RELATIONSHIP:

it all ended. but i felt so much relieved.

he isn't a gd guy to begin wid.

but no matter wad, at least i've given many, many chances

so i wun regret and say that i didnt give any chance and lament on it.

i noe i didnt do a bad choice by initiating the brkup

but in btwn, i sorta procrastinated doing so

cos first, i dun wanna let it affect our studies esp when mst is nearing.

second, i wanna do a last observation though i noe that a breakup is still inevitable

i dun wanna have a biased view on u. just trying to be fair, actually.

but u kept on irritating me.

but i'm sure i've told u abt those things that i dun like but u still carried on.

so i got angry. and when i got angry, u're unhappy :/ what is this.

PLURKERS:

made new frens like nic, grace, elvin, lonewolf (desmond i think). and had fun chatting wid the plurkers whom i've known for a longer period of time -- tofu, pup, zhane, carmen (but was busy to check our for their plurks xD). ps abt that :x

well, wanna thank elvin for listening to my sorrows.

hope i didnt scare u off or irritate u wid those things .

and chevy isn't in plurk anymore D:

so i seldom talk to him. i hope for an outing soon but at the same time, i'm tired and lazy to initiate an outing

HEALTH:

kinda okay. didnt rly fall sick in 2010.

but wasn't rly feeling well these few days.

and super busy wid sch work. 9am-11pm in sch

if this goes on, sch will become my first home (only during hols).

cos it alr is my first home when it isn't during hols :X

FREN:

(shall aim this to only one ppl.)

i wanna apologise for not making myself clear at times.

i didnt tell this to u, cos i dun wanna make it seem as though i'm finding excuses for myself.

and, i was rly tired to explain anw.

u noe, i rly missed those happy times talking to u.

but aft the first xxxx that time, we kept quarreling frequently.

i was rly rly rly devastated for the first few timesssssss

till i got kinda irritated and.. aft a while, i got numb :/

rly numb. so that's why i told you that i didnt get irritated nor angry but u dun believe.

cos of the way i talk.

yeah i noe. my talking attitude :/

i'm trying to change that. at times, my actions got misunderstood.

it's cos of the way i talk and act :/ i rly didnt mean to, but i'm used to that :X heh.

no worries, i'll change. i need time.

and back to topic. idk why i got angry for the first time that time. (cos the other times were irritated and sad:x )

but tat time,

i just got misunderstood and u kept saying absurd things.

i didnt wanted to continue and yet i was deemed otherwise. it's kinda disappointing :/

i've put myself in ur shoes. i did. but i was too tired to say it out nor make changes.

and if u rly noe me, i'm those types that wun get angry for long.

most likely, i'll be fine within 30 mins.

aft 30 mins, i'd feel sad and guilty for flaring up (if i did) and my attitude.

even if i didnt do anything wrong.

well, that's me :/

but i wun say that only one party is in the fault in an argument.

it could be cos i misunderstood your tone, actions (or so on) and i got upset or angry wid u or vice versa

sometimes, the argument are plain uncalled for and childish :/

it's like they're built up over nth.

i noe there's no pt saying abt this anymore.

cos u wun care and might not see this.

i dun wanna make any approach anymore.

cos i dun wanna hurt u anymore.

i'm aware of the pain inflicted in you ever since we talked agn.

i noe u'll be much happier w/o me in ur life.

at least, dere's lesser argument, lesser quarrellings, lesser disappointment.

i dun wanna say abt this anymore.

cos i wun feel good saying it over and over agn

but it's in my mind.

and i tend to blog out things i feel.

so how not to mention it agn? :/

still, i just feel that u might not be seeing this.

but i wanna wish that u'll be happy and stay that way.

and happy blocking. HAHA ! okok, i'm lame :x

this world is so cruel, so pragmatic.

:/

and....

i think u're talkin abt me.

yes i noe, dere's nth wrong wid that.

cos no one cares.

and like wad u mentioned b4, u dun care.

i duno what's the prob wid me.

kept thinking and thinking abt it.

and kept feeling bad when apparently, nth "big" happened.

or maybe, i'm just being paranoid.

u wun noe what i meant even if u were to see this.

which i doubt that you'll see this anw.

and.. to someone else.

i'm sry.

i shouldn't have let my bad mood affect my working attitude.

i didnt explain to u.

cos, i noe i'm in the wrong.

but, dere's rly a lot of things happened recently.

i rly cnt handle it alone.

no matter how many times tings happened,

i would still feel the same way.

but i cnt and wun do anything this time.

except to... ... *sighs*

no matter wad, i ought to change.

i'm aware of that even if u didnt say.

but at least when u told me,

dere's another "push" for me to improve on that.

and i hope tdy's "surprise" wun come to naught.

it's the first aft 30 answered calls.

and, i rly need to apologize to who it may concern.

dere's always reasons for those things that i've done,

esp my attitude.

i chose to ignore and talk lesser to let things simmer down.

explanations have been done anw.

sometimes, i just felt so tired ...

rly tired.

and sometimes, i rly wonder how i get the extra strength

to go for sch, for work.

okay, not total strength.

sometimes, i just lack the determination and just felt so useless.

sry to say this agn but, i will change and

i will continue, hopefully.

rly hopefully ):

and i noe that no matter wad i say and feel now are useless.

:)

i kept having this empty feeling.

i kept feeling that sth is missing from my life.

but i duno what it is.

someone enlighten me pls :x

These are the pics of the wheelchair :D
cute????
it looks rly small actually :x
and ignore the head in the first pic.
fren was assembling and i'm snapping pics :D
and the seat can elevate as shown in the first pic.





our hard work for 8 months ++ :)

it's the new yr alr :D time rly flies.

dere's a few things which i wanna work on improving myself.

not rly a resolution though :x

for now, i just aim to improve on my english,

my attitude,

my behaviour.

sorta strted my work ytd.

i rly hope to meet up to my own standard.

but no worries,

i'll rly work hard on it.

and sch too.

fyp is ending soon.

we're left wid the report now.

i hope i have all planned out.

and idk wad's wid me recently :x

stomach's super not well.

sighs :x so xin ku D: