cher eng ah cher eng..

wad kind of feeling is that?

我宁可不做任何解释了。因为只会越苗越黑。。。

尝试说清楚自己的感觉，但你还是那样认为，那样认定一切。

我真的是无话可说了。 好心酸，好无奈。

不知如何是好。也许自己处理事情不妥当，

拖泥带水， 才造成今日的纠纷。

也许这对你来说是一种解脱，伤心的解脱。

以前，我有尝试接受你。

但我们经常意见不合，吵架。

要如何相处呢？我累了。相信你也是。

尽然你要再次的离去，那就去吧。

因为在你眼里，我总是认定你是错的。

总是这样，那样。。。

你会找到一个更属于你的女孩。

今天会关机。大家不必发简讯给我。谢谢

昨天的自我检讨，今天的决定，未来的问号。。。 。。。

am i doin the rite thing????

feel tired to explain for myself alr.

so if u wanna assume and jump into conclusion and be angry... ...

i duno wad to say alr

i wanna thank you for ... ...

being wid me when i needed someone

talking to me when i'm bored

:DD

thanks so much .

saw someone's fb and i wondered... ...

when ppl wanna do sth and had a chance to do it,

they nvr cherish the chance.

and when the chance's gone, they lament on it :/

no pt rte .

still, studying is gd. u shld have cherished it :/

nxt wk to cny !

nxt wk to uni application !

and i just knew that NUS look down on poly students ):

from my frens though LOLOL

how i wish ntu and nus can switch their location :P

and i thank you for all ur concern :))

always feel so touched :P

but i cnt help but keep thinking that happy times dun last long.

and dere wun be any outlet for my sorrows :/ in future

From the bottom of my heart, i rly thank you for everything, including those quarrels, i guess.

at least, we sorta understand each other more? though i dun deny that i got super tired of them. i noe u do too.

i had been thinking abt the cause of the quarrel. wanted to have a nice chat over it, at least... we can talk things out and kinda conclude the cause. but still, i felt that it's cos of communication probs.

i nvr had such probs wid my frens..

so i rly wonder why :/ but well, i did try to explain to u.. but i nvr knew that when i tried to do that.. you think of sth else :/ i just wanna... clear things up..

maybe u dun wanna solve it. maybe u dun wanna talk abt it.. or maybe.. you have even started to dislike and hate me. maybe it's the last.

if not, idk how to explain xxxx xx xxxxx. i wun be able to forget those 3 words..

cos they rly, hurt me alot.

i rly wanna point out a few pts. i want u to change, cos i care. but i noe, u'll most prob be angry. in the case, how do we solve probs? this prob will forever be happening and nvr be solved.

i'm scared i'll make u scared of anyone who mention "thumbdrive" nxt time D:

i duno why, i duno how ):

indescribable, unexplainable.

maybe i shld strt following my mum.

but in that case, i'll fall more into the

"insecure employee" category.

):

and only solution to lead me is to be autocratic.

i dun want ):

but... ... issit cos ba zi bu he?

i had been thinking of this for long.

but well... ... i had to agree wid my mum agn.

it's the family background ):

alarm didnt ring tdy.

at first, i rly wondered if it's cos i didnt manage to hear the alarm ring.

but aft that, i felt that it rly was that my alarm didnt ring.

cos my mum's awake.

if she hear my alarm ring for sooooo long and i didnt wk up,

she'd wake me up for sure.

and, i always get to hear my alarm ring.

it just has to ring slightly longer if i'm super dead to the world.

i always nvr fail to wk up aft my alarm ring.

so that's why... my mum always told my dad that they dun have to wk me up, unlike my bro :p

HAHA. i woke up 45 mins b4 lesson strt.

45mins-- train ride duration ):

in the end, i was late for 30 mins.

one of my frens even tot that i was sick and thus, skipped sch.

HAHA !!

sighs. my phone's so lousy.

shld have let someone to give me morning call ):

i cnt expect everyone to think and cherish the same things as i did.

i cnt expect everyone to be innocent.

i cnt expect everyone to think for others.

i cnt expect everyone to not be that self centered.

i cnt expect everything ):

i think i expected sooo much till i felt soo disappointed wid ppl and even...

tired of dem :/

i shan't be bothered wid ppl who dun care anymore.

and i shan't feel guilty and try to salvage things anymore..

cos it's no pt feeling so sad over sth when that person just do a certain reaction or move.

u made the choice :/

not me.

just so tired.

i wanna ... find back my motivation

so tired.

losing the motivation alr

i'll be super busy this wk.

monday: lessons till 5 + project/work

tue: lessons till 4.30 + gng to itp office

wed: sch from 9-7

thu: 8- night

fri: sch + project/work.

i shouldn't be happy too fast actually.

cos not yet meetup ): sighss....

and btw,

caught the tourist ytd :DD
it's nice.

i didn't expect the story to turn up that way D:

but the story's kinda funny ^^

had free dessert, free bun and free movie ^^ heh, thanks many many :D

and... u funny ah. go steal other ppl's popcorn in the middle of the movie LOLOL

but it's salty D:

i dun like :P

stop havin such low self esteem in urself.

if others can, u can too.

dun give urself any chance to regret :)

just be urself and use life to the fullest.

if they are able to find, you should be able to find too.

i dun mind waiting for one yr (ONE YEAR ONLY AH ~ :P)

HAHA xD

kk la, 2 yrs is also fine. but if it tks more than that, i'm rly gonna lose faith :)

nevertheless, nth is impossible.

just let things be. if it's meant to be mine, it'd be.

if ppl choose to walk out of my life, i cnt do anything much.

they make the decision themselves.

and being me, i wonder if it's stupid or wad to just let them walk in and out,

as and when they like.

but well, it's a blessing in disguise to see,

who are the ones who rly care.

even if it's just a sentence of asking me how i am or if i'm beta,

it's still considered concern to me.

cos at least they asked, right senior? LOLOL.

and, i suddenly recalled who the one who helped me previously is !! xD

HAHAH call me muddleheaded ):

he's such a big shot ! how could i forget him

and for a moment, i actually tot that he's the "ah neh" lab helper ):

but ..... he's my cya head !!!!!

well, dere's 2 head.

ha, not gonna forget u alr. cos i'm rly thankful for ur help :))

and, i rly felt like calling u and.... HAHAHAHA arrange a meetup wid my manager xD

I duno if it's possible xD

but if it means higher chance for a deal, i dun mind making that call ^^

it's irrevocable :))

ha, i duno why my frens kept asking abt how i fare for my mst this time x.x

left 2 more papers to get !

gotten 3 papers in total.

i bet my nxt 2 papers wun be able to score as well as the 3 papers which i've gotten back ):

and it's gonna be feb very soon !

i've yet to write a letter.

i've yet to rly choose the 5 choices ):

awww. D:

senior, i sincerely thank you for being dere when i needed someone :))

thank you :)

dear blog,

you must stop me from posting emo posts okay :P

HAHAH !!! kk la, trying to cheer up le .

:x

cheer up and not cher up *hinting to someone* :P

i'm rly trying my best to stay happy. so, blog, u must help me too kay?

if i wanna post sth emo, you must tell me that my post cnt be published :X

HAHAH !!

you're left wid urself to stay happy now. so all the more you must be happy. smile :):)

bb :D

dere are things, which ain't for me to say anymore.

i only noe that i rly do seem like a fool.

ppl just walk in and out, as and when they like.

i agree wid someone that they dun have the right to do so.

for well, fool as i appear to be, i dun rly mind them entering agn. :/ cos, who would want someone to be gone just lidat?

and i noe that certain things which happened might be a small matter.

but when they happen a lot of times.. and even almost everyday..

can u tk it?

first.. i think u and me have a generation gap though u're only 2 yrs older than me. i told u that you're talking nonsense and it's not the smses that are making me unhappy but rather, your words and u said, "i want to inform you about uni stuffs. and some other things which i should not say". with regards to that reply, wad i wanna say was, i've nvr said anything abt u telling me uni things. as in, nvr told u not to say them. but well.. for those other things.. i've always told u not to say that but u repeat. so wad can i say? u dun even understand my sentence nor do u understand me. furthermore, you said "Y am i smsing you everyday is cuz i want to gain back your trust and love". nonsense rte -.-

second... aft the talk ytd.. i rly agree wid wad u said. you guys have no right to do that. i truly agree wid wad u said. but wad can i do? stop u from doing that? things to be said, were said. things to be done, were done. now, i'm beginning to wonder why i tried to salvage so much last time when things were always gone wid a *poof*. shouldn't u at least thing of how i'd feel? instead of thinking those extreme extreme things.

okay full stop. i dun wanna say anymore. cos if i were to continue, i'd be repeating those things which i've said before. i bet no one wants to see me complain anymore rte?? ((: i dun wanna do so. but that's only provided that they dun do those things :/

okay, i'm left wid many many calls. sighs. cnt grab any tdy and motivation's just lost in betwn :/ useless me :x hee. and, i have to do my project tmr. yes, it's fyp :x heh. but report only xD

had one test tdy.. hope can fare well. hectic schooling life begins alr. labs for consecutive wks instead. sooo tired. i'm lacking the motivation alr. seriously.. and when i attend lessons now, all i'm thnking was fp, fyp, you, you, you and you. HA, i neeed concentration ! nvm, from now onwards, i'm rly gonna concentrate. be it in work, in sch or even talking to ppl AND WALKING. haha ! my mind always wander off :x

cher eng, you have to work hard okay.. i noe, motivation by other ppl always give you an invisible "push". but to rly work hard, you have to motivate yourself. wad matters is u, telling yourself to work hard and rly do it. i hope i wun be deemed as stressing up myself HAHA.

if ppl dun wanna me to be in their life and choose to walk out, den dere's nth which i can do. rte?

LOLOL, this is funny.

my fyp grp and this other grp are both supervised by hendra.

and this other grp consists of china ppl

but one of them is super super polite (Y) nice :D
and funny too o.o

one of my team mates is called "wayne".

and when we pronounced it, he somehow heard it to be otherwise.

and one day in fb, he asked "why no one tag rain?"

LOL. rain!?!?

funny ah xD

i LOL-ed at that.

pragmatic u.

faker ):

ha, this rly makes me wonder why i can bear wid u for so long last time.

dislike !

):

wun ever wanna reply ur sms anymore.

so u can dream on asking me out, like wad u're doing everyday . :/

dun have to hope nor bullshit anymore.

dun have to think that we still xxxxx.

dun have to do so :)

"heart to heart talk never fails to clear the heart of sorrows, the mind of troubles" -quoted from zhane.

issit rly that true? :/ sometimes yes, but it dun work on one person. forever dun :/ told him wad i feel, and all he did was to repeat the mistakes.

for another person, it's not more of a "heart to heart talk" but more of talk? :/

but for now, a talk is impossible.

ha, i dun wanna talk abt this alr. but apparently, i cnt. i kept having the same dream recently.

bt had a kinda different one tdy. it's abt the same dream but dere's some sad content in it.

but well, it depicts wad happened.

from now on, i'm so not gng to believe anyone who said they cherish me nor wanna

be nice to me.

all bullshit.

cos all i see now, are just rubbish.

words and actions are totally different.

NO actions.

or even, STUPID actions -_-

if u want sth, den go work hard for it luh.

if it's not meant to be urs, den let go.

wad's the pt of all the annoyance and end wid those stupid stupid messages.

ppl reflect (if they do), and said they wanna change (just like wad i did too).

but most impt thing is that they rly do it.

i rly hope i will keep the promise to myself and change.

so far, i've changed a bit, i noe !!

HAHA. i noe i did cos i've seen improvements.

but only slightly.

at least beta than nth :x

to be frank,

i've been thinking a lot recently.

thinking abt my behaviour.

thinking abt how i let certain things affect me so much that i dun have any mood for others.

thinking on wad i can do to improve on certain things.

thinking on wad approach i can use to improve certain things.

idk if i over-tire myself or no appetite that i ate v little recently

for instance, tdy.

i only had one meal.

i have 2 meals normally, so i guess, one lesser meal isn't a prob nor sth which i should think is unusual.

one thing for sure is that, i've been thinking a lot.

even my mum said that i seem to be deep in thoughts tdy.

and i actually made a white lie to prevent her from being worried.

i just said "nope. i'm v tired. just staring into space".

sry for lying. :/

and well, idk wad u're thinkin actually.

i wanted to do sth but i noe i cnt.

i wanted to salvage but i noe i cnt too.

had been bugging elvin wid this prob of mine.

nvm, i'll try to keep it within myself :)

and btw, i wanna say one sentence to an annoying person.

NIC !!!! SHLD I RLY SAY IT? but wait, it seems bad :/ ha.

stupid me zzz

last day for exhibition tmr.

finally :D

report to fret over now :/

i wanna slp in late on sunday :DD

super super super tired ):

kept napping tdy and ytd, but only for a short while.

and yes,

on wed (the first day of my duty), pup, nic, elvyn were here .

took train back wid dem.

long time no see, guys xD

and tdy (the second day of my duty), pup, chevy, cyferrs were here.

and chevy looked so pale and sick. :/

get well soon, season :D

tmr, elvin and desmond might be gng xD

i think they will.

heh. gd gd :D

come pei me chat ^^

ha, pointless :/

sighs. stupid life.

stupid me.

i hate myself.

tsktsk :/

i duno wad i shld do.

how i wish i were that clever.

to do things rationally and tactfully.

i wanted to xxx.

bt i noe i cnt :/

i cnt be so selfish

i need to think of u

and by doing that,

it's beta for me,

to not do anything still ):

Dear Sxxxxxx,

sighs, like i said, i dun need u.

last time, i just felt so bad when i didnt reply u.

but i felt nth when i did that recently.

guess, we're rly over.

i tried to treat u as a beta fren, but..

u kept doing nonsensical things.

not nonsensical actually, but.. now,

no matter wad u did,

i just felt so........ idk how to explain.

i think i'm so used to seeing:

"morning cher eng (: "

"have u eaten ur bf? go eat anything and dun go sch wid an empty stomach. not good for you"

"are you feeling cold now?"

"you have been busying wid spinnovex, sure very tired"

"rest early. good nite"

and aft 30 mins l8r,

"are you asleep? if u heven, go slp now"

or even "i'm still doing my report. sian lo. need to hand it in agn"

and also, i only reply like abt 2 smses out of soooooooo many smses u sent me.

dun u feel anything nor think that sth is amiss? :/

HAHA. standard smses xD

so funny la.

but no matter wad, i'm so used to seeing them and not replying u alr.

thinking back,

i cnt believe that i wanted u sooo much in my life last time,

that my life had always been so depressing :/.

and now, i just want u to get out.

but i'm sure, if u leave me alone, i'll be able to talk to u like a normal frens in time to come.

provided that u dun remain so weird xD

you told me that, you decided to become a changed person cuz of me.

so means if i'm not dere, you wun be a changed person?

BUT.... changed person as in to wad a kind of person?

i doubt u even noe where u went wrong xD

HAHAHA funny ah D:

and, even if i've studied this module b4,

i doubt u need my help in this.

first, i didnt get A.

second, you can always approach your lecturer cos she'd of cos be super super good in this area.

third, tot you always said that you made use of your frens in class?

well, i duno why you used the word "make use". you told me that ppl make use of one another to get beta grades and i went 'huh?'. i duno if u used the wrong word, or if that's your real feelings. but i'm sure, if i were to tell u now, "tot u said that u'd make use of your frens?", you'd go "huh? NO LA. why make use? i nvr say such things". i noe that'd most prob be your reaction cos... i noe you for so long and was so close wid u b4. but u still dun understand me. and like i said in my previous post.. u dun understand me at all. told you b4 that being frens would be beta for us. BUT u continued wid those stupid actions and aft quite a number of days l8r, you told me "actually, i have being thinking. i think that being frens would be good for us". my first thinking was "aint that wad i told u?????" :/ seriously, seriously, u dun understand me. if u do, you'd noe that i dun bear quarrels in mind nor harp over them (though i'd still rmb that quarrels still did exist) and i wun get angry wid anyone for so long. i'd miraculously not get angry wid anyone as fast as 30 mins, provided that he/she dun keep harping on it. but if i still feel angry, it means that that's the last straw alr. and well, i'll be fine the nxt day den or even aft a nap.

anw, that's all for the post tdy. tata

signing off.

):

ha, i wonder why ppl like to jump into conclusion.

actually, me too. and i wondered why too.

i have so many frens.

wad make you think that i'm saying abt u?

but even if i'm rly saying abt u, isn't it time for u to reflect on your own actions to why i say that?

saw fren in the news just now.

my grp work is just beside them xD

so saw sj and wayne's back and mine too xD

hah !

like my frens, we were wondering why our design didnt get interviewed.

cos our design is more of a "new generation" design :P

got compliments too :DD

sighs. gng back to sch everyday

no time to work tdy cos need to do some research.

and, no time to study for nxt wk's test ):

tmr's the handover ceremony and full load testing day !

so that means that i need to go over to test the thing halfway thru the ceremony.

spinnovex is here soon!

and to others, it's the open hse.

finally, my work will be up for display :DD
and my frens will be gng on thu ):

but i wun be gng on thu !!

my shift is only half a day too :x

and i cnt believe it that my sch strts officially nxt wk.

i totally dun have the schooling mood cos i've been gng to sch everyday ):

including sat and sometimes sun.

OH ! THAT REMINDS ME OF STH.

i heven strted my revision on one of the module ):

test'll be on nxt wk ):

sighs sighs

365 post exactly :D

just saw nic's blog.

and it just reminded me that i've forgotten to update my blog on the new yr.

as in, a summary abt 2010.

i think i've a lot a lot to say :)

SCHOOL:

sem gpa dropped on the 3rd yr first sem. but cumu gpa improved :)

had some plans on which course to study on and kinda which uni to aim for.

made new frens-- FYP mates.

impression on them improved and at the same time, deprove :x

irony huh

fyp is finally coming to an end, but not quite yet.

cos dere's still report to work on.

at least, we dun have to chiong our product design and so on anymore

well, i will aim for a super high gpa now.

last sem, last yr, last leap, last hope.

RELATIONSHIP:

it all ended. but i felt so much relieved.

he isn't a gd guy to begin wid.

but no matter wad, at least i've given many, many chances

so i wun regret and say that i didnt give any chance and lament on it.

i noe i didnt do a bad choice by initiating the brkup

but in btwn, i sorta procrastinated doing so

cos first, i dun wanna let it affect our studies esp when mst is nearing.

second, i wanna do a last observation though i noe that a breakup is still inevitable

i dun wanna have a biased view on u. just trying to be fair, actually.

but u kept on irritating me.

but i'm sure i've told u abt those things that i dun like but u still carried on.

so i got angry. and when i got angry, u're unhappy :/ what is this.

PLURKERS:

made new frens like nic, grace, elvin, lonewolf (desmond i think). and had fun chatting wid the plurkers whom i've known for a longer period of time -- tofu, pup, zhane, carmen (but was busy to check our for their plurks xD). ps abt that :x

well, wanna thank elvin for listening to my sorrows.

hope i didnt scare u off or irritate u wid those things .

and chevy isn't in plurk anymore D:

so i seldom talk to him. i hope for an outing soon but at the same time, i'm tired and lazy to initiate an outing

HEALTH:

kinda okay. didnt rly fall sick in 2010.

but wasn't rly feeling well these few days.

and super busy wid sch work. 9am-11pm in sch

if this goes on, sch will become my first home (only during hols).

cos it alr is my first home when it isn't during hols :X

FREN:

(shall aim this to only one ppl.)

i wanna apologise for not making myself clear at times.

i didnt tell this to u, cos i dun wanna make it seem as though i'm finding excuses for myself.

and, i was rly tired to explain anw.

u noe, i rly missed those happy times talking to u.

but aft the first xxxx that time, we kept quarreling frequently.

i was rly rly rly devastated for the first few timesssssss

till i got kinda irritated and.. aft a while, i got numb :/

rly numb. so that's why i told you that i didnt get irritated nor angry but u dun believe.

cos of the way i talk.

yeah i noe. my talking attitude :/

i'm trying to change that. at times, my actions got misunderstood.

it's cos of the way i talk and act :/ i rly didnt mean to, but i'm used to that :X heh.

no worries, i'll change. i need time.

and back to topic. idk why i got angry for the first time that time. (cos the other times were irritated and sad:x )

but tat time,

i just got misunderstood and u kept saying absurd things.

i didnt wanted to continue and yet i was deemed otherwise. it's kinda disappointing :/

i've put myself in ur shoes. i did. but i was too tired to say it out nor make changes.

and if u rly noe me, i'm those types that wun get angry for long.

most likely, i'll be fine within 30 mins.

aft 30 mins, i'd feel sad and guilty for flaring up (if i did) and my attitude.

even if i didnt do anything wrong.

well, that's me :/

but i wun say that only one party is in the fault in an argument.

it could be cos i misunderstood your tone, actions (or so on) and i got upset or angry wid u or vice versa

sometimes, the argument are plain uncalled for and childish :/

it's like they're built up over nth.

i noe there's no pt saying abt this anymore.

cos u wun care and might not see this.

i dun wanna make any approach anymore.

cos i dun wanna hurt u anymore.

i'm aware of the pain inflicted in you ever since we talked agn.

i noe u'll be much happier w/o me in ur life.

at least, dere's lesser argument, lesser quarrellings, lesser disappointment.

i dun wanna say abt this anymore.

cos i wun feel good saying it over and over agn

but it's in my mind.

and i tend to blog out things i feel.

so how not to mention it agn? :/

still, i just feel that u might not be seeing this.

but i wanna wish that u'll be happy and stay that way.

and happy blocking. HAHA ! okok, i'm lame :x

this world is so cruel, so pragmatic.

:/

and....

i think u're talkin abt me.

yes i noe, dere's nth wrong wid that.

cos no one cares.

and like wad u mentioned b4, u dun care.

i duno what's the prob wid me.

kept thinking and thinking abt it.

and kept feeling bad when apparently, nth "big" happened.

or maybe, i'm just being paranoid.

u wun noe what i meant even if u were to see this.

which i doubt that you'll see this anw.

and.. to someone else.

i'm sry.

i shouldn't have let my bad mood affect my working attitude.

i didnt explain to u.

cos, i noe i'm in the wrong.

but, dere's rly a lot of things happened recently.

i rly cnt handle it alone.

no matter how many times tings happened,

i would still feel the same way.

but i cnt and wun do anything this time.

except to... ... *sighs*

no matter wad, i ought to change.

i'm aware of that even if u didnt say.

but at least when u told me,

dere's another "push" for me to improve on that.

and i hope tdy's "surprise" wun come to naught.

it's the first aft 30 answered calls.

and, i rly need to apologize to who it may concern.

dere's always reasons for those things that i've done,

esp my attitude.

i chose to ignore and talk lesser to let things simmer down.

explanations have been done anw.

sometimes, i just felt so tired ...

rly tired.

and sometimes, i rly wonder how i get the extra strength

to go for sch, for work.

okay, not total strength.

sometimes, i just lack the determination and just felt so useless.

sry to say this agn but, i will change and

i will continue, hopefully.

rly hopefully ):

and i noe that no matter wad i say and feel now are useless.

:)

i kept having this empty feeling.

i kept feeling that sth is missing from my life.

but i duno what it is.

someone enlighten me pls :x

These are the pics of the wheelchair :D
cute????
it looks rly small actually :x
and ignore the head in the first pic.
fren was assembling and i'm snapping pics :D
and the seat can elevate as shown in the first pic.





our hard work for 8 months ++ :)

it's the new yr alr :D time rly flies.

dere's a few things which i wanna work on improving myself.

not rly a resolution though :x

for now, i just aim to improve on my english,

my attitude,

my behaviour.

sorta strted my work ytd.

i rly hope to meet up to my own standard.

but no worries,

i'll rly work hard on it.

and sch too.

fyp is ending soon.

we're left wid the report now.

i hope i have all planned out.

and idk wad's wid me recently :x

stomach's super not well.

sighs :x so xin ku D:

was at MDC the whole day these few days.

and my frens kept hearing the cat's meowing sound coming out from the "oil room" (i forgot the name) the whole day and went in to explore.

i didnt noe the whole story as i was out to buy food for frens.

returned and heard that they rescued the cat from that room.

it's placed inside a bucket and is shivering D;

omg. poor thing.

it must have been scared stiff :/

it's gonna be a new yr soon.

dere are many gd and bad things happening this yr.

i nvr regret knowing anyone.

including those that made me sad constantly.

i wanna stay happy and am trying to be happy.

but i duno why i kept thinking of certain things today.

on the mrt and i cnt even fall asleep while trying to nap.

well, i rly need to let go of those unhappiness.

but some ppl, some things, i cnt let go.

i still feel hurt but i rly hope i wun keep thinking of them.

at least i'm trying not to :)

kinda finished my fyp assembling. will upload the pic tken soon

the standing aider (wheelchair) looks rly cute xD

it rly looks like it's for those little kids to sit on :x

i rly hope everything'll be beta for u.

and i noe u wun be reading my blog anymore.

i noe i cnt contact u anymore.

and i noe that i shouldn't.

but, i rly wish that everything will be beta for u in 2011.

my digestive system, body and everything are screwed up :/

i can go w/o food for 9 hrs and dun feel hungry.

and i slept so little recently and cnt fall asleep when i was super tired.

and, my brain kept thinking of nonsense.

and, i kept feeling bad and sad for little little things.

oh great D:

if this is always fated to happen, den wo zhi hao ren ming le.

i'm soo tired tdy.

spent 14 hours in sch and just reached home not long ago. (less than 30 mins ago)

was too tired to look out my way while walking.

i think that the road's clear of cars anw.

and well.. you said "xxxxx". you were the one who said it :/

i heed it okay.

and i did do that when i'm feeling beta.

but well, still, it's xxxxxxxxxx :/

hmm. it's not a gd thing to noe me anw.

i always do or say things that make ppl sad.

if u feel beta doing this, den go ahead ba.

i wun wanna deny ppl of their "road of happiness" anymore.

not feeling good tdy.

so pardon me for this post.

this post isn't meant for anyone to understand anw.

so long as i noe wad i'm saying and typing.

so long as i think that you'll be happier.

all the best.

dear blog,

i think that humans are pathetic

and know not to cherish others.

i'm pathetic too.

always so dumb, so stupid

and thanks for saying that i'm silly instead of stupid.

cos it sounds so much beta (:

to be frank, i duno how to carry on wid this post.

dere are just so many thoughts that i wanna say, but duno how to.

wad i can say is, you rly still dun understand me.

i'm so disappointed.

things got out of hand.

just stay out of my life.

i dun need such a ppl like u.

and i dun wanna keep thinking nor saying negative things abt u.

it's not that i like to say.

it's cos, u suffocated me so much that i need to let it out.

u left me wid no choice.

and kept deeming and accusing me,

just cos of one reason:

u dun understand me at all

signing off...

dear blog,

i think that humans are pathetic

and know not to cherish others.

i'm pathetic too.

always so dumb, so stupid

and thanks for saying that i'm silly instead of stupid.

cos it sounds so much beta (:

to be frank, i duno how to carry on wid this post.

dere are just so many thoughts that i wanna say, but duno how to.

wad i can say is, you rly still dun understand me.

i'm so disappointed.

things got out of hand.

just stay out of my life.

i dun need such a ppl like u.

and i dun wanna keep thinking nor saying negative things abt u.

it's not that i like to say.

it's cos, u suffocated me so much that i need to let it out.

u left me wid no choice.

but kept on deeming and accusing me,

just cos of one reason:

u dun understand me at all

signing off... ):

dear blog,

i think that humans are pathetic

and know not to cherish others.

i'm pathetic too.

always so dumb, so stupid

and thanks for saying that i'm silly instead of stupid.

cos it sounds so much beta (:

to be frank, i duno how to carry on wid this post.

dere are just so many thoughts that i wanna say, but duno how to.

wad i can say is, you rly still dun understand me.

i'm so disappointed.

things got out of hand.

just stay out of my life.

i dun need such a ppl like u.

and i dun wanna keep thinking nor saying negative things abt u.

it's not that i like to say.

it's cos, u suffocated me so much that i need to let it out.

u left me wid no choice.

but kept on deeming and accusing me,

just cos of one reason:

u dun understand me at all

what should be the right approach?

talking does not help anymore.

we'll always revolve around the same topic, over and over agn.

even if it means me tellin u not to.

it dun help, talking to someone who dun understand me at all.

maybe i shouldn't say at all but, dun understand me quite a fair bit.

i just wanna let bygones be bygones.

why aren't you letting me do it? :/

maybe i shouldn't say abt ppl much :X
but i will still vent sometimes :P
by den, i'll still say dem :x
just wanna refrain from saying too much.

cos sometimes, saying anything dun even help.

even if it means saying to the guilty ppl

change needed :D

MERRY XMAS EVERYONE !!!! xD

think positively.. :D

it's all thanks to u being petty that i got it back. LOL

a blessing in disguise?

though it's in a bad condition (NOTE: you said that it's in top condition. bull shit ): ),

i'll still love it.

:D

and will use it to the fullest :D

i need more quotation for fabrication currently !

and need to edit report.

the others, title block and exploded view :D

caught "the nxt 3 days" tdy wid fyp mates.

the show is still so-so.

but i find that the police are quite stupid :x

though evidences are against her, cnt u guys just investigate deeper? ):

but well, if they did, dere wun be such a show LOLOL.

past, off wid time u go.

dun wanna see u agn.

i can only laugh at u :D

but, not gonna fall for those stupid tricks agn.

hmm, i'm so envious of some ppl ):

sometimes i rly felt like hating myself.

i just cnt bring it forward to sever friendship wid anyone.

and waiyu, i'm sry but i replied. LOLOL

cos i rly cnt stand him saying all those stupid and crappy things.

like "Since you have DRAWN the lines so clear..."

and true enough, he dun understand me well.

but, i can oso say that he dun understand ppl's feelings well.

i'm sure that if you tell anyone to stop doin sth and they continued, you'll be angry or at least,

feel pissed or wad.

but he duno.

he just continued.

and , u can tk all back for all u want.

cos u noe, i dun want dem.

and i dun even have a need to use them

and i dun even want to use them

and i dun even ... ... sighs.

i hope, i wun get to write any emo posts abt u, or u anymore,

to add on, sometimes, i rly duno wad to say abt u.

it's cos when ppl stand back and think abt u, all those little little negative things come out.

things like, ppl say a certain word and u use the same certain word.

it's fine i noe. but urs is, u used it w/o knowing the meaning.

and used it wrongly.

ppl feedback to you abt ur typing style,

saying that it's too formal.

i agree and when u asked me, i said that i agree wid ur frens.

okay, u changed.

but u changed it into a style so weird that i dun even understand.

it's not formal, but vvvvvvv singlish.

and from wad vin said, it's broken english.

hey, informal dun means talking lidat.

it means.. (from your style), not talking like...

sighs. forget it :x i duno wad you typed last time. dun rmb alr.

i didnt mean to blog abt u tdy.

but it's aft you type those smses,

that i think that i shld clarify a date to return u.

since you want it back.

to be frank, i've nvr ever wanted to tk it back from you.

cos "things given to u, it's urs"

but since you wanna be so petty, den i shall tk it back too. LOLOL.

i told you that we're frens, though someone told me not to be fren wid u (:P).

and told you not to say those things agn.

and as usual, you said one whole chunk of words that i kept trying to convey to u.

k la, i dun wanna say abt these anymore. nor do i wanna think abt them.

i rly want them to fade away wid time.

still, i wanna ask. am i rly softhearted??

cos i rly felt bad when i saw him walk away that day, although i felt angry too.

and i just cnt help it but reply (but aft a day of ignoring totally, :P)

aiya, in short. i'm stupid. rte? )':

forget it forget it. :x

i must look forward to my fyp only.

*focus focus*

i hope it has rly come to an end .

and i rly hope u meant wad u say this time round.

did i do the wrong thing?

i dun like anyone.

so wad if anyone confess to me ):

i wun like u.

was i overreacting?

maybe i was :/

at least, i should have a short chat?

it's like u came all the way down...

i should at least say thanks.

but i did say previously.

but i did tell u not to do the same thing agn

but i did tell u to ask me first.

but i did say i wasn't free.

but i did react badly previously (as in... kinda got angry)

but i was more of being scared last time.

this time, i was rly angry till i cnt even talk properly when i saw u.

wait correction. i didnt even look at u.

cos i didnt want to.

and... didnt dare to? :/

and all i could say was

"you come for wad?"

"if dere's nth else, i'm gng off alr. not free"

ya i noe i sounded super straightforward and harsh

but that's the only solution to u.

previously, i talked nicely.

i said "pls dun do this agn."

but things still happen.

so well, cnt blame me for doing things to harsh

i didnt wanted to anw..

i noe i've hurt u :/

aft calming down.. i actually felt remorseful and...... felt that i'm overreacting.

but..

talked to waiyu :DD

and rly felt beta..

and....... thanks for saying i'm not overreacting xD

that's wad i need to noe, right now i guess.

his fren asked me out tmr..

and i was still angry at that time.

i said "if he is coming, i'll go home straight"

but if i weren't angry at that time, i think i'd still have said the same thing.

to be frank..

at first i was kinda irritated by u.

but idk why but still tried to give u chances (to talk to u nicely ONLY)

cos i didn't want to keep ignoring ur sms.

i replied short replies.. and didnt reply all.

cos i TOT that u would reduce on the msg.

but if u did, i'll slowly feel fine talking to u..

and will reply more aft some time.

BUT YOU DIDN'T :/

i noe i will feel worse seeing u.

and i kept nvr agree to any outings that u initiated since the late sep.

other than that, you kept saying those stupid remarks.

(to wad they are, i shan't say)

told u not to say..

and u said "ok"

BUT U CONTINUED SAYING -.-

okay fine. but it's the last straw recently.

i just replied "can you stop saying those things? if not, i'll rly ignore u"

and that did the job o.o

okay. i tot things would be fine.

but u still kept blogging those stupid things in blog :/

okok, correction. not "kept" but "still, sometimes"

so i just blogged, for the first time aft mths.

telling you that words are cheap.

yes i noe, i'm soooooooo stupid to have said that.

i told u that i cnt trust u anymore.

cos u kept telling me different things.

den u said "you want the truth? i can tell u the truth over the phone now. i call u?"

the first thing that i tot was "wad truth?? more lies? :/ or more hurting things to make me recall those sad past?"

i'm trying to forget u noe...

so that i can treat u as a fren.

FREN.

(k la, just told waiyu that i'm fine wid him msging me moderately and she said 'NNNNNNOOOO'. LOLL!!! so funny. okok. back to story)

i forgot wad i wanted to say.

but all in all..

i just want u to let things rest first.

as in... not saying those stupid things.

that's why i kept telling u to focus on ur studies -.-

i dun want your studies to be affected by me.

and idk if i'm too softhearted or too stupid.

i actually tot of u being sad now and i felt bad :/

and sad too.

and stupid me. tsk me :/

i actually wanted to reply his sms wid this,

"suan le. dun do it agn"

GO AWAY LA. I HATE U -.-

and thanks very much. my friday is ruined by u.

i alr tried to treat u nicely cos i think that my actions might be biased.

but u still do it.

YOU STILL DO IT.

now it's not i dun wanna try to treat u nicely.

it's YOU WHO DUN WANNA ME TO DO IT.

that's it.

烦不烦啊

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

so wad if it's an effort.

... :/

anw, aft venting my anger here,

i felt beta alr.

but still, i'll be irritated if xxxxxx tries to irritate me agn

(edited btw)

and this post is merely to vent my anger. hadn't been angry for quite some time alr.

and congrats. you did it. you angered me

my patience is running super low now.

chancesssss given.

warningssss given

things said and you carry on

and "sry cher eng" is all u can say

so SHUT UP. STOP IT !

so wad's wid the "xxxxxx"

and me saying "pls stop saying this. thank you"

and nxt day "xxxxxx" .

LAME RITE.

and you continued "sry. can you accept my apologise"

grammatical error somemore.

and what's wid the "i'm not a PREFECT person", "action is part of everything"

and i alr reacted sooooo big that day. and zzzz. you still dare to ask me if you can do it agn.

BULL SHIT LA.

and dun say i nvr warn you, my patience is running real low wid repeated offenders like u.

and please note.. i always bear wid everyone who did wrong for very very very very long period of time. how long? is one yr long enough? and of cos.. i will forget it if ppl did a few wrongdoings. but not when they are repeated for MANY MANY MANY TIMES.

headache. lack of slp is not helping but only adds on to my anger.

i wouldn't be so angry if not for ... ...

dun test my patience.

anyone who irritate me now, wun get it for me.

cos i still have patience for other ppl but not ppl like xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. -.-" !

and..... for goodness sake. pls reflect on yourself.

STOP BEING SUCH MCP.

to you, everyone is in the fault.

you duno that you're the unreasonable one and still want to say others are in the fault.

i dun even dare to say i'm NOT in the fault.

i'd think of wad i did b4 defending myself. and putting myself in other ppl shoes.

yes i noe. i might have done sth wrong.

but at least i tried to think. YOU?

(dun assume that i'm saying you or anyone else who's reading this post, which i doubt there would. and dun get angry thinking that i might be saying you.. or you or anyone)

if things i do and say, forever gets misunderstood, den it's meaningless to continue this argument.

my blog's soooo dulll !!!

so here are some pics :D:D:D

this are the pic taken on the day we went to ly's chalet :D

once agn, thanks for the invitation xD

so *bling bling* xD

LOLOL! wad are u doin? :P

I was like anyhow snapping away ;x

and this pic, made me seem sooo fair x.x

happy gal ~ :P

i like this pic. cos it seems sooo sweet xD

like a happy family (:

and nik's like kept aiming for the cake :x

meet up soon, guys :D:D:D:D

conflicts. arguments.

necessary?

perhaps yes, to a certain extent.

i'm so sick of u 2, always quarreling.

dun u noe, sch work comes first, rather than those little little stupid arguments?

arguing over little things, rly ain't helping anything, but putting our project at risk.

as for our project...

though i've done practically nth towards the design, i can understand the feeling for hard work, all gone down the drain.

yes, everything's changed.

so, how are we gng to explain "our design", or rather, YOUR design to the judges?

changes have been done. so i think, wad we can only do now, is to ask you abt the design, yeah?

MST's over. been to liyin's chalet. had fun. and it's kinda nice to see her aft so long.

it's nice.

thanks liyin for the invitation ((:

but when i came home, all weary and yearning for some rest,

all i see, was argument agn.

yes, conflicts are inevitable.

but, aft any conflicts, we should noe wad to do, and wad not to do.

RATHER THAN COMPLAINING AND ARGUING OVER SOME LITTLE, STUPID THINGS.

from one side of the story, all i see from u, was scoldings from him and his fren.

but from another side of the story, it's more of u trying to not bother our supervisor and trying to get our things done. more of explanation.

from my part of understanding u 2's character, it's more of u, having a bad temper and you explaining things, but was misunderstood as scolding.

i've seen u scolding you in real life. so, i can sorta conclude sth. but all in all, is this argument necessary?

NO. to be frank, i DON'T see any arguments, necessary. Rather, i see explanation more necessary.

but when ppl explain, they tend to lose their temper. and in the end, conflicts occur, right?

i noe, all of u, want to get our project done, well. so do i.

i dun mind gng back to sch almost everyday, just to make sure that things are done, effectively and efficiently.

and i'm the sort of "sch work comes first, rather than outing, outing and outing". if work ain't done, or work are yet to be accomplished, i rly wun feel happy or relieved gng out.

at least, work should be 80% done? or at least 75% i guess. i wished i was hardworking last time. so at least, i wun get to poly and meet some.................. ppl.

but it's all fated. cos from some ppl , i get to noe good ppl. or at least, good to whom i think they are.

this morning, i woke up, and saw crappy things... agn

i explained some things.

do you noe, i rly wanted to tell you that, i've stopped trusting u almost totally?

all the trust, effort that i've put into last time, all came to nothing.

so now wad? hurt?

only u?

i've been hurt, cheated, saddened soooooo many times, till i felt that it's normal to be hurt by u.

dun tell me u noe the feeling.

cos u noe nth. i feel nth abt this incident alr. i'm moving on.

so shld u.

i'd rather be told the ugly truth. that's wad i told u too. but hey, wad do you mean by telling me the truth now? are u trying to tell more lies, or trying to evoke those sad feelings, all over agn?

do u noe that, you're always telling me different things, now and den?

well, i dun feel anything now alr, anw. at least, not as much as last time.

yes, i dun deny that past, always haunt aft me.

but, i'm rly moving on.

and i'm rly tking things in my stride.

i'm just tired of those arguments.

if those arguments are necessary, dun worry, i'll "debate" wid u.

but if i dun find them necessary, i wun wanna say much. cos some arguments, are rly rly rly childish. sometimes, i just doubt ppl of their age. perhaps, i dun act like my age. but some ppl, dun even act at least my age too. yes i noe, age dun reflect a person's character :/

i'm loving the improved relations wid my bro ((:

me and him, dun talk more than 5 sentences daily, last time.

and sometimes, we dun even talk.

i'm so glad that i took the initiative to help him solve his comp prob previously.

and den, me and him strted to talk more.

and slowly and slowly.

we talked more and more.

and we can rly joke freely.

so different from last time.

i'm rly glad to have tken the initiative.

should have done so, much earlier

(:

mst's nxt wk.

and aft that would be our fyp.

gonna find and research right aft my last paper.

sat i think. and sun too !

cnt do so on fri, cos gng out :D

aft my paper, though.

i'm not so stressed for my fyp alr.

or at least, i'm trying to not be stressed.

i kept telling myself

"dun wry. it'll be over soon. b4 u knew it, you'd have graduated. and now, mst's just nxt wk.

and den, it'll be spinnovex and exams. (:"

indeed, time flies.

and, went to lunch wid mum last fri

the coffee seller (mum's fren) had this conv wid my mum:

him: is that your daughter?

mum: ya.

him: i cnt recognise her. she looks so different now.

mum: *:) *

mum told me abt this conv and i went "huh? why cnt he recognise me? he saw me b4 o.o"

LOLOL. den my mum told me sth else

dun wanna say here :P

*heh*

SNORING, POOR SLEEP MAY PREDICT OBESITY, DIABETES
-------------------------------------------------

NEW YORK - People who snore, have trouble falling asleep or who wake up in the morning feeling fatigued, have an increased risk of developing conditions tied to diabetes and heart disease, a study has found.

The study, published in the journal Sleep, followed 812 people who did not have metabolic syndrome - conditions that include obesity, high blood pressure and diabetes - at the beginning of a three-year period. The patients had yearly checkups to determine if they were developing metabolic syndrome, and sleep disturbances were measured via a questionnaire.

Adults who reported frequent loud snoring had twice the risk of developing metabolic syndrome compared with quieter sleepers, the researchers found. The risk jumped 80 per cent in people who had difficulty falling asleep and 70 per cent in those who said their sleep was not refreshing.

The report is the first to examine the relationship between sleep problems that patients commonly report to their doctors and metabolic syndrome as a whole, said lead author Wendy Troxel, an assistant professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Pittsburgh.

"Sleep problems aren't just an annoyance but something with potential major public health ramifications," she said.

Further studies are needed to determine if sleep disorders and snoring cause metabolic syndrome, or are symptomatic of it, Asst Prof Troxel added. Bloomberg

no more emo le (:

not say 100% , but i'll try hard :D

jyjyjy !!! :D

and, wheneva i have sth in mind, i always do the wrong things :x

like, i always use my keys to tap the ticketing machine and tking out my ezlink card to tap my door x.x

LOL ! D;

i cnt put both my keys and ezlink card tgt in one pocket.

but i dun wanna put my ezlink card or keys wid my hp, in another pocket :X

LOLOL, i'm not scolding anyone nor emoing in my blog okay ~ :x

i'm just fa1 lao2 sao1 :x

when i calmed down and recalled the words u said, they hurt.

nvr did i noe that the advices that i said, were deemed as interfering.

and little did i noe that, i'm pervertic to u.

all i wanted to advice was, talk nicely to that person.

but u've done it. den so be it.

things wun change, den dere's nth much i can do.

i duno wad exactly happened.

so i duno wad i shld advice.

it's gd that u confided.

but i didnt noe that when i duno wad to advice, i was being labelled as someone who dun care

and yet, i was said to be pissed.

when all i felt was just being speechless.

i tried to emphasize things to u.

cos u dun believe.

and this, was deemed as being angry.

i couldn't be laughing when i was being so serious in trying to relay the message out to u.

and i didn't noe, it meant that i was pissed, to u.

i dun have any reason to hide my feelings.

enough is enough.

told u not to say that.

u kept "reminding" me that i dun want u to say that. true.

BUT WHY ARE U STILL SAYING IT?

u said that i shouldn't treat a 2yrs fren lidat.

TRUE. i did feel bad aft seeing that msg.

BUT THINKING BACK,

IF U WEREN'T SO STUBBORN OR DOIN THINGS THAT I TOLD U NOT TO,

i WUN have to resort to this.

true?

and, my dream "evolved" . i used to dream that i'm stuck inside a scary

building.

but ytd, i dreamt that i got stuck inside another dream that's inside my dream.

wad does this mean? ):

suddenly tot of blogging abt this cos of 1 ppl.

seriously, u need to change. if not, u'll attract more disliking from ppl.

it's for ur own gd. Just think b4 talking.

i've beared wid u for like a near 3 yrs.

tried not to talk to u more often cos...... u noe.

and cos of u, i suddenly tot of some bad pts that ppl can have that can rly turn me off:

1. People who are super crude in their talking

2. ppl who dun strive for the beta/ work hard.

3. ppl who spend money unnecessarily.

4. ppl who just shoot their mouths off w/o thinking of others' feelings.

5. ppl who are unfilial

6. ppl who get angry cos of little tings

and some more i guess.

but these are the main few which i rly dislike.

others can include things like being a hypocrite and so on.

mst in 2 wks' time.

and spinnovex in 5 wks(?) time.

so many things. but aft viva,

things would be slightly slack alr, i hope.

was so busy and tired ttm recently till i

didn't really have a proper meal and

didn't noe i was that hungry till i gobbled down my food just now.

but of cos, i didn't gobble down unglam-ly.

i rly wanna slp in this wkend..

if not, i rly think i'll fall sick soon.

though it's unlikely.

and talking abt that, i recalled abt my dream ytd.

i dreamt that i was having a fever up to 99 degree Celsius.

bravo.

HAHA ! wad is this man

and... my digestive system rly ain't gd.

trying to cut down on fried food.

i seldom eat fried food except fries D:

sighs. so everyone, pls dun tempt me wid fries.

if not, my stomach will rly feel awful D: !

do, do , do. life is so mundane.

seemun, i agree wid wad u said the other time in cls ! sad case.

and, as long as my work ain't done a fair bit,

i have totally no mood to go out.

last time, i kept have the idea of just working under someone and just do my part of work.

but now, i wanna work hard and climb up to a higher post xD

and my bro, his ambition is nvr changing -- to become a boss.

i think he has the capability to do so ((:

jy bro.

and i need to jy too :D

jy everyone !!!

fell for it once.

not gng to fall for it agn.

i cnt help but doubt u most of the times :x though i truly trusted u last time.

ignored.

and 3 missed calls ytd.

so far for tdy, 4 missed calls.

i wonder how many dere'll be tdy. HAHA !

and yes, he said that i dun believe things until i've seen them for myself :X

and, he said i always have nightmare when i slp ):

how true too LOLOL

went to look for mum last sunday and saw this fortune teller. he is SUPER accurate.

before he saw me, he knew that i am always having headache and constipation. and he explained that my constipation is due to stress and me not destressing things. how true. even my doctor said this before. didn't rly believe it that time :x

and when he saw me, he said certain things which i think are soooo true:

1) i am a quite zi bei person. (i think low self esteem is the word in english)

2) i always have negative thinking in my mind. and that is the reason to why i am "blurblur" while walking

3) i am very hardworking but duno how to study smart

4) when my mum nagged me and i dun like, i just walked away

5) i study hard but not study smart.

6) i am a perfectionist

7) in a r/s, if a guy is good to me, i'll give him my whole heart. if anything goes wrong, i'll cry my eyes out.

8) if people dun wanna tell me sth, i'll try and go dig those things out

9) i duno how to destress and i dun confide in people. so i tend to bottle things up.

10) i am quiet (but not rly when i'm wid the plurkers)

11) i dun have much friends cos i seldom talk

12) i am straightforward

13) i dun dare to talk to people sometimes cos i feared of offending them

14) i have 2 ex

15) it is my character to not look up while walking nor talk much to people. so some ppl tot that i'm proud, but i'm not.

16) if i duno how to do sth, i'll keep trying and trying till i succeed.

VERY true lo. well, talked to him and i just felt much better. bought sth from him too :) mum bought hers too.

aft that talk, i rly rly rly felt much cheerful :) and i was rly happy. partially is cos of a goondo who talked to me agn. :P and, i rly missed being happy, deep down in my heart. welcome back, happiness.

when ppl dun wanna u to do sth, den just dun do it.

cos when u do it, i strted to feel more and more rejected to reply u, which i dun want this to happen

wanted to off comp but i noe i wun be smsing you alr nor have time to blog tmr.

soo... .... .....

happy bday to u in advance.

i have a feeling that u might said "ok"

or even ignore. wadever outcome it is,

it'd be a bad one.

though i noe if i see ur reply, i'd be happy instead.

and,

i actually tot of wishing u tdy cos i was afraid that if i were to wish u tmr,

it will affect ur mood more.

cos, it's ur actual birth day.

but well, i didnt.

i think u should be feeling relieved that i didn't wish u.

uh well. i think i dun have the chance to wish u anything in future.

so, happy hari raya to u in advance

bon voyage to u in advance

happy xmas to u in advance

happy new yr in advance.

happy cny in advance.

happy ah neh neh day in advance.

happy "all hols" in advance.

happy ord in advance.

tsk. happy everything in advance :/"

i had been experiencing mixed feelings recently.

happy cos of sth ... :x LOL! secret xD

and sad cos of sth .... secret too.

):

hope it wun blow.

but well, both sadness and happiness are due to sth. no, it's someone x.x

ttsskkkk.

):

is it so hard to be frens?

tofu told me to clarify things wid u.

i wanted to. but how??

wadever i said will make a similar outcome.

so wad's the pt?

i got happy suddenly and sad suddenly cos of ....

wad's the pt too?

everything revolves ard u.

wad's the pt too ???

cos i noe, i wun be talking to u.

no, is u wun be talking to me.

to be frank, i rly miss those happy days talking abt a lot of things wid u.

i rly cherish this gd fren, though ... ...

though i rly dislike ur temper.

u're like a bomb timer.

the thought of u exploding anytime,

rly makes me withdraw from telling how i feel, sometimes.

but sometimes, u kept making assumptions that i'm not thinking abt how u feel

or wun feel sad over this thing.

this assumption rly, truly made me feel sad.

cos it's like, to u, i'm such an unfeeling person.

i hate to create another of such sad post.

but i.. rly need to let all out.

i noe, no one will read this anw (:

so it dun matter if i were to say a lot of things.

ytd (i think), my bro called u and mentioned ur name over the phone

do u noe that, the feelings that i felt are sadness, fear and memories are all overwhelming me.

and LOLOL. i think i was crazy alr. cos when he called u, i was like abt 3 m (?) away from him only.

and i cnt believe that i strained my ears at where i was sitting to try to see if i can hear anything -.-"

well, i couldn't but could only hear someone talking :x

i seldom get so affected by someone for this long.

i think, if my this fren mia wid the same reason as u now, i wun even feel this way.

though i noe that my fren wun . HAHA :x

okay. i shan't talk anymore. cos i'm rly feeling super emotional now :/

gd nite

i seriously have no idea why i feel so hurt.

cnt decipher why too ):

i rly have a lot of things to say.

... :( ...

suan le. no one reads anw.

it's the 4th wk of sch alr.

time rly flies.

another like 4 more wks to mst?

omg. that's fast D:

2 more... ... ...

i just want one thing... ... ... ...

now it's getting so suffocating.

it's either i get over it soon (which i doubt so)

or be bhb ):

blocked nose,

blocked ear,

aching ears,

headache,

giddiness

and wad else?

moodiness? D:

nth to blog. ):

it's funny and yet at the same time, hard to accomplish ):

sometimes, i rly wonder why i did that for.

just to get "a word" or????

but i do noe that i did feel happier doing that.

cos at least i did receive "at least a sentence"

lolol :/

hope i'm not doing the wrong thing.

i rly wanted to.

but i guess it's beta not to.

i dun want this.

nor do i want that.

change

and

sry

it's gd to let go.

told u to stop saying those things but nth ever goes in.

not gng to care -_-"

ever since the downtown east incident,

i've been thinking abt my fren everyday.

i kept thinking of how helpless he was, like the 19 yr-old kid.

only wid the exception that he's not a gangster and finding for trouble deliberately.

i still rmb the look on his face... ...

:/

life is so fragile.

a book cannot be judged by its cover ):

last time, i always tot that guys,

are the magnanimous and not-petty sort.

but idk if it's cos they changed or wad.

cos some of the guys that i knew, are so petty

and, even act like gals :/

i've always tot that they'd not harp over things but in fact,

some dun.

i always tot that i'm the petty one.

last time, perhaps.

but now, i've been trying to change and not get angry easily.

well, things are so different now.

guys, i'm so disappointed in u all.

and, idk why i suddenly questioned myself if i'm a les.

LOL. i noe perfectly well that i am not and i dun like gals.

but aft thinking thru, i finally noe why i asked myself that question.

cos, i'm beginning to dislike some character of the guy frens i knew.

and it's not that i dun like all guys.

it's just, i'm disappointed in them, and though i've tried hard to accept them as a fren,

i cnt. until they change.

and sometimes, i rly duno why some ppl got tgt when they duno each other well.

if u guys cnt get along well as frens, and even gd frens.

how can u guys become couple?

and even if u guys are gd frens, it dun mean that u guys can be gd tgt as a couple.

or even love each other

i've heard this sentence somewhere, and i agree.

"even if u love someone and vice versa, u guys might not be gd as a couple if u 2 dun have a future tgt"

i agree though i dun rule out the fact that dere's exception.

so sometimes, i think a lot b4 getting tgt wid someone,

to see if we can get along well.

life is forever complicating.

and sucks.

lolol. this company is weird :x

i'm rly gng crazy soon.

i dun -.- nor wth ppl for no reason.

it's obviously that i put that cos u irritate me.

and i dun get irritated easily.

UNLESS U KEPT IRRITATING ME AND I CNT TK IT -.-

and someone had to prank call me now -.-

i noe who issit though

to be frank, i feel more at a loss rather than being so emo over things.

i dun deny that i am sad. but, not totally sad cos i'm trying to cheer myself up.

sometimes, i dun confide in ppl whom i've nvr confided in b4.

and, wad i'm feeling kinda down now and.. feels like hiding from everything

indeed, i am not alone.

i noe.

but sometimes, frens cnt be always dere for me :x

why am searching?

searched for 62 pages alr.

or maybe 65 pages?

no point

chanced upon this pic. :) nice? xD

tried to save some things but they seem out of grasp.

i noe i'm not good wid it.

cos hope everything will be fine aft ending it.

dun condemn anyone if u duno that's the truth.

cos wad u think ain't always the truth.

anw. was using comp while i heard my mum's and bro's conv.

*mum was singing*

bro: who's singing?

mum: me. nice??

bro: yes.

mum: wanna hear somemore?

bro: okay.

*mum continues to sing*

my mum. cute xD

烦不烦啊 :X

family background can indeed determine a person's character.

and it's sadly, true most of the times.

i've seen quite a few similar cases b4.

but no matter wad, i hope that dere's exception.